*My Words, My Canvas*
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Saturday, May 21, 2011
What You Want?
Getting what you want is not nearly as important as giving what you have...
*My Words, My Canvas*
*My Words, My Canvas*
Monday, May 16, 2011
Get Well Soon!
I love my life, my family, my friends...but man its been a really rough past two weeks. I hope and pray that things get better not just for me but for everyone. Even if things are going well for you, I will pray for things to get better.
*My Words, My Canvas"
*My Words, My Canvas"
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Sunday, May 15, 2011
Advise
I received a few emails from my readers and the questions were similar to: how they can keep there women happy.
This advise is dedicated to all men out there: Treat your women the way you would want a man to treat your mom, your sister, your daughter.
*My Words, My Canvas*
This advise is dedicated to all men out there: Treat your women the way you would want a man to treat your mom, your sister, your daughter.
*My Words, My Canvas*
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Friday, May 13, 2011
Quick Thought
Nothing in life is guaranteed except death. Say what was never said, do what you need to do because you might regret it later. Cherish those who are in your life. Keep those who truly care. Be careful with harsh words. And remember to always be self less.
*My Words, My Canvas*
*My Words, My Canvas*
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Wednesday, May 11, 2011
You wouldnt expext this but...
You really do not realize how much you can learn from mentally ill patients. I was at work today and after getting attacked in my first group I headed over to my second group therapy session. I asked the group, "tell me something positive about you?" One patient said, "in life I believe everything has a reason, you just have to wait and find out what it is. I look at the positive in every situation."
For those who are curious, I am still shaken up from the attack. I know I will be okay.
UPDATE: I got a lot of emails asking about the attack. All I will say about it is that it was a sexual attack on me.
*My Words, My Canvas*
For those who are curious, I am still shaken up from the attack. I know I will be okay.
UPDATE: I got a lot of emails asking about the attack. All I will say about it is that it was a sexual attack on me.
*My Words, My Canvas*
Tough Population..but I can handle it
A person with borderline personality disorder often has unstable relationships, low self-esteem, and problems with impulsive behavior, all of which begin by early adulthood.
A common feature of this disorder is fear of being left alone (abandoned), even if the threat of being abandoned is not real. This fear may lead to frantic attempts to hold on to those around you and may cause you to become too dependent on others. Sometimes you may react to the fear of being abandoned by rejecting others first before they can reject you. This erratic behavior can lead to troubled relationships in every area of your life.
People who are diagnosed with borderline personality disorder have at least five of the following symptoms. They may:
1. Make frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.
2. Have a pattern of difficult relationships caused by alternating between extremes of intense admiration and hatred of others.
3. Have an unstable self-image or be unsure of his or her own identity.
4. Act impulsively in ways that are self-damaging, such as extravagant spending, frequent and unprotected sex with many partners, substance abuse, binge eating, or reckless driving, self sabotage, self mutilation.
5. Have recurring suicidal thoughts, make repeated suicide attempts, or cause self-injury through mutilation, such as cutting or burning himself or herself.
6. Have frequent emotional overreactions or intense mood swings, including feeling depressed, irritable, or anxious. These mood swings usually only last a few hours at a time. In rare cases, they may last a day or two.
7. Have long-term feelings of emptiness.
8. Have inappropriate, fierce anger or problems controlling anger. The person may often display temper tantrums or get into physical or verbal fights.
9. Have temporary episodes of feeling suspicious of others without reason (paranoia) or losing a sense of reality.
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Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
quote of the night
You dont know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have...
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Friday, May 6, 2011
The time is Now
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Monday, April 25, 2011
Where did the Passion go?
There was once Passion, slowly I have noticed from one side it has disappeared.
I don't know what the cause is. I would have hoped differently.
I want to look at two kinds of married couples, the technically married and the passionately married.
The technical marriage consists of a couple who is fulfilling the legal obligations of the relationship but is notably devoid of any mutual feelings. Either for the sake of the children or for saving face in the community, they have chosen to remain together, even though they can barely stand each other.
The husband fulfills the bare minimum of his responsibilities by going to work, paying the bills, playing with the kids, and running the occasional errand. The love he once expressed towards his bride is long gone, replaced by a deep disdain for the woman he now lives with. For better or for worse, he has chosen to continue this façade.
The woman is equally disgusted with her partner, carrying out just enough of her wifely duties to convince society that she is content with her marital arrangements. She will cook the food, clean the house, and even force a smile on her face when seen in public with the man said to be her husband. But deep down she has no feelings of love towards the father of her children.
On the other end of the spectrum, the passionate marriage has two individuals madly in love with each other. When apart, they dream of the moment they will reunite. They have ceased to be a married couple and have become true lovers.
The husband constantly finds excuses for not going out with his friends, choosing instead the company of his soulmate. He looks for different ways to express his love, fearful of any letup in the raging wildfire of their passion. He continuously searches for the perfect gifts to express his love, always finding one better than the last one. Those rare moments when she expresses disappointment with him seem like an eternity, resulting in a flurry of attempts to alleviate her concerns.
The wife counts down the minutes until her husband returns from work and uncontrollably weeps when he is late. Hours with her sweetheart pass like the moment between two breaths. A smile from her lover melts her heart and transports her into a different dimension.
Those whom he loves have become beloved to her and conversely those whom she loves have become beloved to him. Their hearts pulsate in harmony, skipping a beat only when the other is mentioned.
Ponder over these two relationships and how contrasting they are.
I don't know what the cause is. I would have hoped differently.
I want to look at two kinds of married couples, the technically married and the passionately married.
The technical marriage consists of a couple who is fulfilling the legal obligations of the relationship but is notably devoid of any mutual feelings. Either for the sake of the children or for saving face in the community, they have chosen to remain together, even though they can barely stand each other.
The husband fulfills the bare minimum of his responsibilities by going to work, paying the bills, playing with the kids, and running the occasional errand. The love he once expressed towards his bride is long gone, replaced by a deep disdain for the woman he now lives with. For better or for worse, he has chosen to continue this façade.
The woman is equally disgusted with her partner, carrying out just enough of her wifely duties to convince society that she is content with her marital arrangements. She will cook the food, clean the house, and even force a smile on her face when seen in public with the man said to be her husband. But deep down she has no feelings of love towards the father of her children.
On the other end of the spectrum, the passionate marriage has two individuals madly in love with each other. When apart, they dream of the moment they will reunite. They have ceased to be a married couple and have become true lovers.
The husband constantly finds excuses for not going out with his friends, choosing instead the company of his soulmate. He looks for different ways to express his love, fearful of any letup in the raging wildfire of their passion. He continuously searches for the perfect gifts to express his love, always finding one better than the last one. Those rare moments when she expresses disappointment with him seem like an eternity, resulting in a flurry of attempts to alleviate her concerns.
The wife counts down the minutes until her husband returns from work and uncontrollably weeps when he is late. Hours with her sweetheart pass like the moment between two breaths. A smile from her lover melts her heart and transports her into a different dimension.
Those whom he loves have become beloved to her and conversely those whom she loves have become beloved to him. Their hearts pulsate in harmony, skipping a beat only when the other is mentioned.
Ponder over these two relationships and how contrasting they are.
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Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Surprise
I find it funny because I love surprises but I don't know what it feels like to receive one...
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Is it? Isn't it?
Fear will always prevent you from moving forward. You have to ask yourself....if it worth it?
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Monday, April 18, 2011
Poem of my Life...
No matter how hard I try in life I will never be good enough for anyone.
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Saturday, April 9, 2011
Use it, wow its gone?
Let’s talk about the reasons we unknowingly take people for granted.
The dictionary defines ‘taking something for granted’ as:
To fail to appreciate the value of something e.g. So many of us take clean water for granted
To accept something as true without questioning or testing it
Another dictionary also defines the act of taking something for granted as: To give little attention to or to underestimate the value of, to fail to appreciate
Thus, when we take someone for granted we are failing to give him or her attention, failing to appreciate their value and we are accepting as true without questioning that he or she will always be there. We tend to do this in most areas of our life including our relationships (romantic relationships, friendships and business relationships.) Many of us take for granted things such as freedom, personal security, clean air and water, food, etc. We can easily lose sight of value.
Of course, we suddenly gain appreciation for something once we have lost it.
Each one of us can probably identify one if not many areas of our life where we take someone or something for granted. The one aspect of our life that we usually take for granted the most is the people closest to us – friends, family and loved ones.
When we take someone or something for granted we are creating a habit; a habit is something we do or do not do without conscious thought – an almost automatic reaction. We take people for granted because we feel secure in our relationship or we assume that they will always be there, and in turn, this leads to a loss of appreciation and a loss of assessed value for that person. In other words, we only truly appreciate, value and feel grateful for something when we consider the possibility of loss; we assume that there is permanency with our relationship, our job or the things around us. Nothing is truly permanent.
I am not suggesting that we turn to the other extreme of living from a place of constant fear of loss but rather that we consider that everything is temporary, it is on loan, and as such everything is a gift or a blessing.
One of the most common complaints from my clients in relationships is that their partner takes them for granted and does not appreciate, recognize or thank them for who they are, what they do or the ways the contribute to the relationship or family. And this complaint is even more prevalent amongst men who say their wife or girlfriend does not express any form of appreciation.
The antidote to the habit of taking someone or something for granted is simply gratitude which can be expressed in the following forms:
Give attention
Express interest in your partner or loved ones; ask questions, listen intently and sincerely; spend time with him or her; be a companion and a friend. Another common pain and issue for many of my clients is the feeling and experience that their parents did not give them enough attention when they were growing up. To give attention in the moment, refers to making that person a priority. Set aside time to spend with him or her and when you give them attention, make it undivided. In other words, focus purely on him or her in the moment – do not text, read emails, surf the internet or check messages while you are with this person; make them feel like a priority; look in their eyes and listen with your heart as well as your ears. And when giving attention, make the topic about them not you, otherwise you are simply using them to give you attention.
Appreciate
List all the qualities and aspects of your partner for which you can be thankful and then set aside time to express that appreciation.
Value
Why do you value this person or this relationship? What is special about this person? How has he or she positively impacted your life? What difference has he or she made or continues to make, and how does he or she contribute to your joy and happiness? List the answers to these questions and then you can…
Express gratitude
Each and every one of us needs to receive a thank you but needs it in our own unique way. For example, some people want to hear the words “thank you”; others want to feel it with a hug, a kiss or some form of affection; others like to see it expressed in small gifts or actions (a thank you card, a favor returned, etc.) Become clear about what your partner needs to feel that you are grateful (words, gifts, actions, etc.)
Beware of neglect which is one of the key components and signs of taking someone for granted: George Bernard Shaw, the playwright and essayist who won the 1925 Nobel Prize for Literature, once wrote that the essence of inhumanity is not hatred but indifference. When a person truly doesn’t care about you, they ignore you. Your comments, thoughts, needs and existence are irrelevant. What does it feel like to be invisible? When you become so busy with work, bills or the children that you barely notice your partner, then you are neglecting him or her. Love is about helping the other person to feel special, and that cannot occur when you don’t tend to them. The solution is to consciously be aware of how much time you are devoting to everything else over your partner.
Finally, as a close friend once said to me: cherish those around you because someday they will not be there. Express your love, appreciation and gratitude now to the people who matter the most in your life; you don’t have to wait till Valentine’s Day!
*My Words, My Canvas*
The dictionary defines ‘taking something for granted’ as:
To fail to appreciate the value of something e.g. So many of us take clean water for granted
To accept something as true without questioning or testing it
Another dictionary also defines the act of taking something for granted as: To give little attention to or to underestimate the value of, to fail to appreciate
Thus, when we take someone for granted we are failing to give him or her attention, failing to appreciate their value and we are accepting as true without questioning that he or she will always be there. We tend to do this in most areas of our life including our relationships (romantic relationships, friendships and business relationships.) Many of us take for granted things such as freedom, personal security, clean air and water, food, etc. We can easily lose sight of value.
Of course, we suddenly gain appreciation for something once we have lost it.
Each one of us can probably identify one if not many areas of our life where we take someone or something for granted. The one aspect of our life that we usually take for granted the most is the people closest to us – friends, family and loved ones.
When we take someone or something for granted we are creating a habit; a habit is something we do or do not do without conscious thought – an almost automatic reaction. We take people for granted because we feel secure in our relationship or we assume that they will always be there, and in turn, this leads to a loss of appreciation and a loss of assessed value for that person. In other words, we only truly appreciate, value and feel grateful for something when we consider the possibility of loss; we assume that there is permanency with our relationship, our job or the things around us. Nothing is truly permanent.
I am not suggesting that we turn to the other extreme of living from a place of constant fear of loss but rather that we consider that everything is temporary, it is on loan, and as such everything is a gift or a blessing.
One of the most common complaints from my clients in relationships is that their partner takes them for granted and does not appreciate, recognize or thank them for who they are, what they do or the ways the contribute to the relationship or family. And this complaint is even more prevalent amongst men who say their wife or girlfriend does not express any form of appreciation.
The antidote to the habit of taking someone or something for granted is simply gratitude which can be expressed in the following forms:
Give attention
Express interest in your partner or loved ones; ask questions, listen intently and sincerely; spend time with him or her; be a companion and a friend. Another common pain and issue for many of my clients is the feeling and experience that their parents did not give them enough attention when they were growing up. To give attention in the moment, refers to making that person a priority. Set aside time to spend with him or her and when you give them attention, make it undivided. In other words, focus purely on him or her in the moment – do not text, read emails, surf the internet or check messages while you are with this person; make them feel like a priority; look in their eyes and listen with your heart as well as your ears. And when giving attention, make the topic about them not you, otherwise you are simply using them to give you attention.
Appreciate
List all the qualities and aspects of your partner for which you can be thankful and then set aside time to express that appreciation.
Value
Why do you value this person or this relationship? What is special about this person? How has he or she positively impacted your life? What difference has he or she made or continues to make, and how does he or she contribute to your joy and happiness? List the answers to these questions and then you can…
Express gratitude
Each and every one of us needs to receive a thank you but needs it in our own unique way. For example, some people want to hear the words “thank you”; others want to feel it with a hug, a kiss or some form of affection; others like to see it expressed in small gifts or actions (a thank you card, a favor returned, etc.) Become clear about what your partner needs to feel that you are grateful (words, gifts, actions, etc.)
Beware of neglect which is one of the key components and signs of taking someone for granted: George Bernard Shaw, the playwright and essayist who won the 1925 Nobel Prize for Literature, once wrote that the essence of inhumanity is not hatred but indifference. When a person truly doesn’t care about you, they ignore you. Your comments, thoughts, needs and existence are irrelevant. What does it feel like to be invisible? When you become so busy with work, bills or the children that you barely notice your partner, then you are neglecting him or her. Love is about helping the other person to feel special, and that cannot occur when you don’t tend to them. The solution is to consciously be aware of how much time you are devoting to everything else over your partner.
Finally, as a close friend once said to me: cherish those around you because someday they will not be there. Express your love, appreciation and gratitude now to the people who matter the most in your life; you don’t have to wait till Valentine’s Day!
*My Words, My Canvas*
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