Soul...

Falling, Crumbling, Breaking, Shaking, Rotting, Dying, Soul. Sometimes I wonder if I even care...
*My Words, My Canvas*

Two tears...

If I shed two tears that's the most I can give ...

Beauty...

You call me beautiful but I don't feel beautiful. Because the beauty of a women is not defined by a man, or by words. Her beauty can be found in her grace. Her beauty is in her thoughts. It can also be found in her soul. Her beauty is within her. A woman’s beauty is in her heart. Her beauty is her art. *My Words, My Canvas*

Three C's

The 3 C's in life ...Choice, chance, change: you must make the choice to take the chance, if you want anything in life to change.

Wonder

I would rather have a mind open by wonder than one closes by belief...

Destroy

Destroy What Destroys You

Nelson Mandela

Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.

Relationships 2013

Relationships are harder now because conversations become texting, argument becomes phone calls, feeling becomes status messages.
-My Words, My Canvas

Brightness...

Am I bright enough to shine in your spaces...

Thought of the night...

Happiness is the hardest thing to achieve. Even when you have it, some are still unsatisfied.
-My Words, My Canvas

Quote of the night

“All men's souls are immortal, but the souls of the righteous are immortal and divine.” Socrates

I Don't Understand Why...

I hate it when you are talking to someone or a better word would be venting and all they have to say is, "it could be worse" or "there are people out there less fortunate then you." Honestly, I work in a field where I am aware that people have it worse. But dammit can't you just listen to me instead of making me feel guilty? Do you really have to always minimize the problem so you feel better about yourself/ the situation? Why is your problem/situation considered small compared to others? Why are we being compared? Sometime you just have to listen! Don't make others feel bad for venting!

*My Words, My Canvas*

I Honestly Try...

This time it is different. Honestly, I am trying so hard but each time something goes wrong. I am constantly reminded that I am a fuck up. I am told things that make me feel bad. Never have I cried this much. Never have I ever been this depressed. My move to Texas seems like the biggest mistake of my life. Each day has been complete torture. I don't know who I am anymore. I have started to doubt myself, doubt my existence. When I imagined my life at 27 I thought things would be different. I thought I would be happy. Funny today someone said to me, its hard to make you smile. I replied with, my smile has disappeared. He responded with, "I can see that." I can walk around and fake a great smile, but it's hard knowing how hurt you really are on the inside. I try to be strong, I try to fight. I understand it would get worse. But when it's been bad for so long you think to yourself ...man I am ready to give up!

 *My Thoughts, My Canvas*

Heart?

It's weird to block feelings out for so long then one day wake up and begin to feel so intensely. Does that mean I'm beginning to have a heart? Where do I go from here? Will I ever be the same or am I growing up?

*My Words, My Canvas*

Happiness doesn't last forever...

I had given up on everything. I did not find pleasure in anything. I forgot how to smile, forgot how to have fun. Things that were once important to be did not take precedence anymore. I just did not care. Some would say that is depression. I would say this is the beginning of something bigger and needs attention. I have spoken to a lot of individuals in the past month who at one point in time have felt this way. However, they do not know others feel exactly the way they do. I encourage you to open up because someone, somewhere is going through what you are going through. We just are not brave enough to disclose! For the first time in a long time I laughed last night, I smiled. I didn't have to fake it. It was genuine.

Tips on how to bring the joy back into your life:

1. Learn how to separate work life and home life: When you walk out those doors at 5pm leave your work life there also. No need to take the worries/paperwork home with you. This can become unhealthy.

2. Choose one day, specific time frame for you: On this day you know and your family/significant others know that this day between the time of ___ to ___ you are unavailable. Do something for yourself.

3. During tough economic times it is often hard to engage in certain activities because everything cost money. Find things to do for free! I ask myself, am I really happy?

No, happiness is never permanent. There will be days where I feel like giving up again, there will be days where I am bitter, however I need to strive for happiness.

The next post I will be talking about voids.

*My Words, My Canvas*