Favorite Songs of the Night...

Lil Wayne - Single
Tech N9ne feat Eminem - Felt the way
Bizarre ft Tech N9ne - Believer
Tech N9ne - Leave me alone
2 Pac -I wonder if Heaven's got a ghetto
Nas - One Mic

That is all for now...

Invisible

Invisible
Nobody can...
See me.
Hear me.
Feel me.
Sense me.
Invisible is how I feel.
I try to hide my pain.
It builds up inside me.
I live in Darkness,
where nobody can touch me.
I sit here waiting,
waiting for somebody to
save me from it.
I long to crawl out of Darkness,
but I can't find the strength
Slowly I drift into Darkness.
I'm being killed from the outside-in.
I'm dying slowly.
Stop my suffering.
Stop my pain.
Stop my agony.
Put me out of my misery.
Darkness
It hardens the heart.
It makes a person cold.
I have lived so long in Darkness that it is the only real thing I know.

-K

As it was..

Then as it was
Then again it will be
I can't figure out if this is the beginning or the end
If you listen really hard
They say people who have no hopes are easy to control
Is that why people take advantage of me
If there is so much beauty in the world,
Then why can't I see it
It's the simple things in life that make it worth living
Then why does my life seem not worth living
Hearts will never be practical
Until they can be made unbreakable
I'm just learning how to smile,
And that's not easy to do
And yet it's over before I know it
-K

Lifehouse – Everything

Find me here
And speak to me
I want to feel You
I need to hear You
You are the light
That’s leading me
To the place
Where I find peace again
You are the strength
That keeps me walking
You are the hope
That keeps me trusting
You are the life
To my soul
You are my purpose
You’re everything
You calm the storms
And You give me rest
You hold me in your hands
You won’t let me fall
You steal my heart
And You take my breath away
Would You take me in
Would You take me deeper, now
Would You tell me how could it be
Any better than this
Cause you’re all I want
You’re all I need
You’re everything, everything

Females Chill

Girls, women, females really annoy me sometimes. I know so many females who always complain, worry too much, and need constant advice and reassurance. Let’s talk first about the reassurance.

My friend calls me and says, “I texted him five minutes ago why didn’t he reply back yet?” Um are you seriously that desperate? Maybe he is in the shower, taking a shit, masturbating maybe he is busy? Then when my response is not enough to satisfy the person they continue to ask, “Maybe he doesn’t like me?” Really? How low is your confidence and self esteem? This is when girls get frantic and keep texting the person. Saying: “Are you there?” “Hello?” Then they get pissed off at the person and think to themselves, “Well I won’t talk to him!” However, as soon as the person texts them back and say’s, “Hey sorry babe (whatever it may be) I was in the shower,” the girl automatically changes. Talk about annoying! Don’t get me wrong I like to help my friends, and give advice. But why are they so hung up on these guys? They are replaceable (no offence to males).

Then we have the girls who worry too much. Wait those are all girl’s right? So a girl meets a guy she sleeps with him and then she worries will he call me? Um no! Wait, yeah he will call you the next time he needs a booty call or just someone to fuck. Then we got the girls who think their man is constantly cheating. He got off work at 5pm and its 5:15pm why didn’t he call me yet? Is he talking to someone else? No female, he is not talking to another girl. He probably is talking to his boy(s), mom, or walking to his car getting his Bluetooth all set up so he can talk to you on his ride home! Just text him and say, “Hey hun, I know you just got off work but I miss you so call me when your free =)” Also you assume he’s cheating because either you been hurt in the past and think he is like every other guy or you are talking to someone else on the side and have the guilt haunting you.

Let me just conclude a few things. Girls please chill out, stop chasing and let them come to you. When you call always leave a voicemail or else he can always say that I never got the call. Sometimes when a cell phone is out of range the missed call does not show up ladies. If he doesn’t reply in the 5 minute time frame you gave him do not blow up his phone. Stop sleeping with just any dick and then expecting a relationship from that guy. Trust if he got you that easy he doesn’t want you. You’re like a prostitute except for free. Also learn what to say, when to say it and how to say it. There is always a time a place for everything.

Shut up and Listen!

Listening is a forgotten art. We are so busy making sure our own voice is heard that we forget to listen. Also when someone else is speaking, our mind begins to wonder. When our minds wonder what the person has said, was not herd. This can often be frustrating for the other person. Many times we jump in to say what is on our minds, before we have even acknowledged what the other person has said. Speaking without listening, hearing without understanding is like cutting an electrical cord in tow, and then plugging it in anyway, hoping somehow that something will light up.

When we listen to someone speak, we are asking our brain to slow down. This means that our brains have a lot of spare time for thinking. The brain misuses this spare time and when this occurs it shows how well a person can concentrate on the spoken words.

Nothing hurts more than the sense that the people we care about are not really listening. We never outgrow the need to have our feelings known. We live in a world where we are running to and from one obligation to the other. When we are in the car and the radio is on, sometimes we pay attention and sometimes we concentrate on the road and minutes go by without ever hearing a word of what was said. We also like to think we are good at multitasking. We check our email while talking on the phone. We look for things to buy online while watching TV. We make ourselves believe that we are doing more than one thing at a time; however, we just end up doing one thing after another poorly. We gain information to one thing and lost something very important in the other.

Often times the attention other people seek from us can become a burden. In order to listen we need to remain unselfish and submit to the others person’s need for attention. Some people may be easier to listen to than others. Unfortunately, when we fail to get through to each other, we have a tendency to fall back on blaming. “It’s his fault: he’s selfish and insensitive” Our failure to understand is due to our own need to say something. Rather than concentrating on what the other person is trying to express, we tend to react to what is said.

I am sure you know how painful misunderstandings can be. This occurs because the person takes the message the wrong way due to a not listening. Misunderstanding can break connections between two people. The best thing to do is ask about the other person’s feelings and point of view. Do not be too quick to tell your side of the story.

I think that people need to stop and just listen. While the other person is talking, really listen to what they are saying. While they are speaking, you should not be thinking about what your response will be. You can always pause when that person is done, think and then speak. I always say, don’t react just respond. I also believe that instead of trying to insist you view is the right way, take other peoples perspective into consideration. Look at things from their view point, there is always two ways of doing things. Even if you do not agree with them, you still can find out where they are coming from and what they are thinking.

There is a general rule when talking to someone who wants to pour their heart out to you, or even when you are having a normal conversation. Listen 70 percent of the time, and talk 30 percent of the time.

Trust…

Let me pose a question.Trust. What is your definition? And why? But here is my outlook on it. (Kind of jaded, but it’s me we are talking about, you can’t expect anything less.) My outlook on life and dating and relationships in general is this:

As soon as you start noticing others and saying “Damn, I want a piece of that.” Then consider your relationship over. You are bound to become depressed and unsatisfied. And if not that then you are bound to cheat. So end things right now! It’s only fair.

Finally, as soon as there is a dwindling feeling of mistrust or loss of trust you need to pay attention and not ignore the gut feeling. If it’s persistent, then chances are you are right. Might as well as end things. Because the longer you drag your feet the harder it becomes to end things and more callused you become. So confront the boy, tell him that you think he is cheating and you don’t trust him, pack your shit up and leave. Because you are never going to fully trust him again. EVER. And this applies to men as well.

I think trust is a big thing. As soon as you loose it you may just as well as kiss everything good bye. Regaining it may be incredibly difficult, and even then you will never trust this said person at 100%. I don’t understand couples who go through something as traumatic as infidelity and then go back together like nothing ever happened. I am just different that way.

It’s funny how accurate your inner voice can be. The more you ignore it the louder it becomes and eventually (usually when you are knee deep in trouble) it will fade away and leave you stranded. So pay attention to your instinct. It’s there for a reason.

Today’s Topic Is…

Failure is a result, a temporary outcome. It is not an end to a goal. Failure alerts us that the path we have taken is incorrect, and that we must try a new one in order to achieve success. Why are there multiple roads to success? If success was easy to obtain, it would not be an accomplishment. The more roads you take to a destination, the more you learn about the environment and your abilities, and the more capable you become.

The difference between “failures” and successful people is simply that failures give up after the first time they fail, and successful people view their failures as lessons. Fear of failure is what causes us to stray away from true happiness. We can either settle with mediocre, “safe” lifestyles- or we can follow our dreams and obtain ultimate happiness.

What is failure? Failure is a step to success. Without failure, success would not exist just as there would be no light if there was no dark.

Never allow anyone to make you believe you are a failure, and never allow yourself to believe that you are the mistakes that you make. Really, you are weak for not accepting your failures for what they are and moving on from them on. Let go of the people that make you feel like you are less than what you really are. They are just intimidated by how bright your light shines, and it causes their fears to tenfold because they become aware of the fact that they are living in fear when they see that you are not. They would rather dim your light, than illuminate themselves. Recognize their fear and move on.

Don’t be afraid to express who you really are, and don’t be afraid of other people’s judgments. Your light as an individual is much stronger than the darkness of mass society. Just use that light and you will see.

Make your mistakes, and take them lightly so you can learn from them. When other people criticize, don’t pay too much attention to their judgment. If you believe in yourself, no one else can make you feel like a failure. People, who don’t believe in you, don’t believe in themselves.

You can be alone in your beliefs and dreams for success, you don’t need anyone to stand behind you or believe in you. In the end, you are the only one who will and can bring yourself to success, eventually you will attract positive people into your life, and when you do have that support, appreciate their light as well.

Instinctually, we all know what our capabilities are and how to obtain our greatest goals. The reason we become confused about these things is because we are not aware of them. We are not aware of them because our fear blinds us from remembering who we really are and what we are living for.

Do not let the temporary pain of failure confuse you. Pain is weakness and fear leaving the body. If you don’t go through it, you cannot be strong and if you are not strong, you cannot be successful. Pain is temporary and if you are strong enough, it is a positive experience to go through. Failure is a positive thing. Embrace it.

Hello World!

I’m the girl who just doesn’t care. No I really don’t. Of course I am the girl who is stone cold and yet free and uninhibited. That’s me regardless of the situation. I’m a little more than a girl flirting with every eye that’s fixed in my direction. I am much more than, “Just That Girl.”

I am so many things. I am a woman, I am a daughter, I am a sister, I am a bitch, I am strong, I am arrogant, I am passionate, and at times I can even be very fragile and emotional. Most importantly I am a complicated person. Always have, and always will be.

If you haven’t figured it out yet, I am not your everyday woman. Do not confuse me as one. I like chaos, I love playing with fire (metaphorically), I enjoy talking about forbidden subjects, I do not fall in love easily, and if I do not like something I disappear like forgotten dust particles. I am just different that way, stubborn more like it, but definitely different.

I am a major smart ass if you can’t take it don’t dish it. I love people who are fun, positive, and who know where they are going in life and know what steps to take to get there. I’m very independent ambitious, and I am as blunt and honest as they get. I would rather speak up then stay quite. If you do not like a challenge then I should say, I am not impressed. Be careful, I am a handful of confidence, quick witted, sarcastic. I don’t do reckless shit that will cause me or my family to lose self – respect.

I have very low tolerance for stupidity, no amount of looks or charm will reverse the fact that you are an idiot. I enjoy conversing with people who can mentally challenge me. You know that saying, “People in your life are here for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” It’s kind of funny how life works itself out. I try not to control it, I also tell others to not control it. I keep telling the ones I love, “Things are going to happen as they intend to” In the end life does what is needs to do, not what we want it to do.

The quote I mentioned above, yeah the one about people being in our lives for a reason, is suppose to indicate that they come into our path for a purpose. As soon as there task is done they depart.

If you further analyze the quote was come to those who are there for a season. A short period of time where they play an integral role in our lives, and as soon as we grow out of the period and the season expires, they slowly phase out of our lives and disappear forever.

Finally, let’s get to the point! The ones in our lives who are here for our lifetime. These are the people who stand beside us through the growing pains of our lives. The ones who laugh and cry with us, the ones whose shoulder is always there, available for us to lean on and only they have strong arms to hold us when we need a safe haven to retreat to.

In the beginning I mentioned how I attempted to not control life; in all reality the truth is inevitable. It’s hard to figure out where people fit. I do want to control life. I want to categorize people into classifications.

If you are here for a reason you are in my life to teach me a valuable lesson, and you will be leaving me soon. Therefore I can only invest so much of myself with you. If you are going to be here for a season. I only have you for a set amount of time. We both need one another. We are supposed to be each other’s vessels and carry one another from one phase to the other. And you my lifetime, you are here for the rest of my life, through thick and thin you mean the world to me. I can not ever get rid of you, and you will forever cherish me through my faults and short comings. I need to keep you forever. You are my driving force and the cause of serious changes that have taken place in my life.

Yes, I am a work in progress. Constantly evolving, and becoming more aware of myself, and my mistakes. It just so happens, the person who comes into my life for a lifetime will help this work in progress.