I Will Be Heard...

I always thought speaking up was a good thing. I mean how can it be such a bad thing? Am I so wrong to voice my opinions, my thoughts, and my feelings? Am I so wrong to say something when I think you are out of line? Am I so wrong to tell the waiter/waitress that my soup is cold or my coke is flat? Am I so wrong to get angry when a car does not stop at his stop sign and almost causes a huge accident that could have been avoided if he/she would just have followed the rules? What would have happened? He/she might have to wait three seconds or less for someone to pass and be three more seconds late to pick up the prostitute on the corner so he can finally pay to get laid.

I know you shouldn’t say things when you’re angry but I am furious. Very furious. I have this vain popping out in the middle of my forehead and it just won’t go away. I know it’s not a pretty picture.

It is frustrating when you find out that the person you thought knew you well and have known each other for over 15 years gets mad at you for speaking up. Seriously, did you think I wasn’t going to say anything? Through all those years, when have I not spoken up? It is how I am. I will speak up. I will speak up when you and I are walking down the street and a car is recklessly backing up and half an inch from you. I will speak up when our lives are in danger. I will speak up if I disagree. I will speak up if I cannot hear you. I will speak up if I am not feeling well. I will speak up when you give me a reason not to trust you.

People are not mind readers, I WILL SPEAK UP, I WILL BE HEARD, whether you like it or not. If you don’t like it, then please get the fuck out of my life. I DO NOT PLAN ON CHANGING.

*My Words, My Canvas*

10 Things...

Repeat your sentences in your head before you verbalize it. Simply because I will call you on it. Especially if you already irritate me and the level of my respect towards you staggers from zero to intolerant.

My Pet Peeves:
1. Stupid comments – yes there are such things and no I refuse to subscribe to the saying that there are no such things as stupid comments and/or questions.

2. Placing on hold – No you can’t call me and say “Let me put you on hold to pick up the other line.” I will hang up on you. My time is important to me. So don’t waste it.

3. Shallow - Get over yourself. Your skin will eventually sag one day.

4. Better than… – No, you are not better than 100% of the human population.

5. When I am around you I need attention – If I don't get it, trust me I can easily find someone else who will give me the attention I deserve.

6. Promises…. – when you make a promise. KEEP it!

7. One upper – Fuck you and your better story. I am telling you mine and I need to be heard. You can show off when the spot light is on you. Right now it’s my turn

8. Last second – Let me clarify something….I am not Option B. I have never been secondary nor will I ever be a back up plan.

9. Liars - Just tell the truth, why even waste your time by thinking of one? Grow some balls, tell it how it is.

10. Excuse me, what? - Seriously, nothing is more irritating then someone who does not listen and pretends that they were. Then they say something completely off topic. Start paying attention to words, or else leave me the fuck alone!

*My Words, My Canvas*

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And Beauty Was Her Name...

Dialogue:
Person one: Wow, look at her! I wish I could be that pretty.
Person two: Look again oh grasshopper, her beauty just appears on the outside. She lacks the beauty within.

The point: Beauty is more then just a pretty face. Beauty is a package of personality, values, character, brains, and respect for your self but most important for others. I believe that no one in this world should have the nerve to label others as pretty or ugly. Each of us has something very different and unique attached to ourselves. Find it, don't diminish it.

*My Words, My Canvas*

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Unimportance

I absolutely hate that feeling. You know feelings of unimportance. The feeling is very broad and can be applied to many different situations. Most of us do not care about the feelings of unimportance when applied to certain situation, for example: meeting strangers. The situation I would like to pick on for the blog topic today is, when you are on the phone with another person and they are pre-occupied with other things. The person keeps saying, “sorry I was _____ what did you say?” Honestly people, if you are busy then just tell the person, “hey I am busy right now, do you mind or can I call you back later?” On the other hand, yes there are those individuals who enjoy it when the other person on the line is engaged in another activity besides talking to them. They find it entertaining. To each their own. It never really bothered me. In fact I use to do that to people when I was on the phone. It irritated them and I did not understand why. Now as I grow, develop, learn, and get older I understand what they were experiencing and going through when I was doing that. It is rude and does not validate an individual. It is frustrating. I would like to keep this short and brief. I cannot go on about this topic for long.

In closing: Stop, say your busy, talk later!

Thank you!
*My Words, My Canvas*

Paths

There is a lot going through my mind, I cannot help but take time out from my slumber to get my words down tonight.

There comes a point in our lives where we one day have to say, "stop this is not the right path for me." I've finally come to realization that because of the recent events that have occurred in my life, have influenced me to take the wrong steps in life.

The feeling was great while it lasted, but slowly I felt it disappear from the other side. Maybe its just my imagination, but my instincts have never been wrong before, and I don't think they will let me down this time. If indeed my instinct is wrong and the path that feels wrong is the right path, I sure do hope that while on this journey a few side markers would show up letting me know I'll be okay.

Is a little reassurance good or bad? I think everything is great in limitation ...but someone like myself never needs neither has needed that reassurance. I don't plan on starting now. Then why ask for side markers? Isn't that a type of reassurance that tells a person that they are traveling on the correct path?

I don't have an answer, but one day I will. We don't always have the answer to questions right away. It's a process that us interpersonal/interpersonal minds love to go through.

For now, at this current moment those side markers are a symbol. My own personal symbols. Each one says, "K your doing alright, now get to the next side marker."

For those who are extremely confused about this blog, its ok. Not everyone will understand my babble tonight. For those who understood my words, now can somewhat understand me, but not fully.

*My Words, My Canvas*

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Wish...

If I had one wish, I would want to be a robot so I can't feel emotions. Or I can go back to being that cold hearted bitch I used to be. Since this isn't a Disney movie and wishes never come true, I choose option number two.

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Shut Up and Kiss Me!

There are many different kissing styles. Individuals do not realize that, nobody does it the same. Kissing styles add “flavor” to every relationship and reveal more than we think. At one point in time we have all experienced the soft but electric kiss, the hard kiss of passion, the kiss where you take in each other’s breath, and the gentle bite on the lip from someone begging to be “rode hard.” The differences are important, because they can tell you about your relationship. The mushy kiss, the quick peck, the sloppy kiss, the rigid tongued kiss, the smothering kiss, and the impatient kiss. What do all these type of kiss actually mean?

Well, the mushy kiss is usually limp and lacks passion and eroticism. The quick peck is often given when an individual is in a hurry; the sloppy kiss triggers anger rather than desire, the rigid tonged kiss classifies your partner as a mechanical lover, the smothering kiss means that he or she rekindles childhood fears of an intrusive parent, and finally the impatient kiss implies your partner is preoccupied with more important things.

Another important aspect of kissing individuals should pay attention to is hand placement. Where are your partner’s (or your) hands? Do you gently touch each other’s face while kissing? Does your hand softly stroke the back of your partner’s neck? Often couples do not put effort into this. They do not stop and ask there partner what they like and do not like. Do not ignore the little things because they are all a part of an elusive language.

Kissing reveals more than we realize, it reflects intimacy, sex, love, and our personal history. Even a simple kiss can keep that passion alive.

*My Words, My Canvas*

Keep Your Options Open Little Timmy

“Always keep your options open,” I would often find myself saying that line to teens/friends that would come to me for relationship advice. The reason why I would give this piece of advice to people is because of the simple fact that I was a firm believer in that motto.

You are taught at a very young age to, “Keep your options open.” You might be wondering when this has happened? I will give you an example, you have received your SAT score and are getting ready to apply to colleges. Your parents and or counselor says, pick at least three school's, one being the one you can’t get into, second the one you want to get into, and third the one you can get into. Another example I want to share, when you are applying for a job, “keep your options open,” do not apply just to one place, apply to many, interview, the more the better.

When does this motto apply to relationships? Is it when you are single and just dating? Or when your single, speaking to someone you potentially can see yourself with but aren’t sure? Or do you keep your options open when you’re just tired of the person you are with and need a backup? For those of you who do not know what a backup is, the best way I can explain it, when you need someone to fall back on when your number one pick doesn’t work out there is always number two.

My next question is when does the “keep your options open” motto end? Is there an age limit that applies? As you get older does this change? Personally, I think this does change as you get older. As you grow and seek higher education, your field tends to get narrower. You only then start to apply to jobs where you have specialized in. You keep your options open, meaning, you apply to different places where you specialization can be put to work.

As I get older, when it comes to speaking to someone I am genuinely interested in I do not, will not, and refuse to keep my options open. Trust me, I was never like this. Overtime, you slowly realize that after dating “the wrong ones” for so long your list of requirements, your wants become narrower. And when you find someone who meets the requirements on that narrow list of yours, you do not want to waste your time going through wrong ones, when you have the right one. When someone has my interest I will stop communicating with the “maybes,” I will get rid of them and also I would not use any social networking sites (dating sites). I want to and will give 100%.

Call it dumb or whatever you want, overtime, you might understand my perspective. If you do not understand it right now, you don’t have to agree with me ...because after all this is:

*My Words, My Canvas*

Charlie I HATE you!!

I don’t know why I’m writing about charley horses – but tonight these Charlie horse symptoms have woken me up a total of three time. Oh the pain, I don't think I've experienced such a feeling before.

At any rate, I have decided to share my knowledge and, unfortunately, vast experiences about charley horses with the entire world in an effort to help people all over the globe to relieve, reduce and hopefully – eliminate - the nagging ailment. 

A charley horse is an uncontrolled contraction of the muscle and produces a sharp pain that can many times, be very intense. Muscle cramps most often occur in the calf or foot, but they can also develop in other areas of the body, such as the hamstrings or back. Muscle cramps usually happen while playing sports or exercising – or, lying in bed. Overuse of muscles, injuries, muscle strains, or even staying in the same position for a long period of time can produce cramping of this nature. 

Nighttime calf or hamstring cramps (my problem) usually strike a person when in bed – and these cramps can many times be the most painful. It is possible that the day's activities such as a tough workout, wearing high heels, or taking medication like diuretics may spark the cramping. Another thing that can cause instantaneous cramping is pointing the toes sharply. 

Cramps during exercising can be brought on by a number of factors. Dehydration or sweating too much can create an imbalance in electrolytes (potassium and sodium) in the blood and overexertion or muscle fatigue, are common causes as well. 

For relief of a muscle cramp that has already begun, try any of the following: 

Stretch the muscle by straightening the leg and flex your foot upward.

Massage the muscle to relax it and apply a cold pack to reduce the blood flow and relax the muscle. Another good cure for a muscle cramp is to take a hot bath or use a heating pad for relief.

In addition, here are some practical ways to prevent muscle cramps. 

Always do several stretching exercises before and after workouts and keep your body hydrated by drinking plenty of water. 

If a cramp occurs while working out, drink either water or some sort of sports drink immediately. Remember, do not over-fatigue muscles and do not point your toes while stretching or sleeping. These sensible solutions can help both, prevent a muscle cramp or help to alleviate the pain that occurs from one quicker. Trust me, I know, although I wish I didn’t. 

Stay Hydrated 
No one really knows how muscle cramping and dehydration are related, but it is known that dehydration can be a precursor to leg cramps. Recommendations call for at least three full glasses of water each day, including one before bedtime. Of course, you should also drink plenty of fluids before, during, and after exercising or competing.
 
Stretch Regularly 
It is a known fact that stretching regularly can relax muscle fibers. I was always taught as a youth by my father, reknowned track and field coach, George “Papa Bear” Williams, that stretching, especially post-competition stretching, was the best way to prevent cramps and relax muscles. 

Train in moderation 
The idea of any exercising regimen is to gradually climb up Mt. Everest, not try to conquer it in one day. Sudden changes, or more importantly - increases -in athletic activities can easily cause muscle cramps in the legs.

Now on to the good part - how do you make a charley horse or muscle cramp go away? 

Well, after the initial shock – and pain – that usually makes people either grab their leg and writhe in pain or try to massage it out, the best remedy of all is to try and stretch the muscle. This of course, has to be done very gently. After relaxing the muscle, a good warm bath or shower is always a good way to relax the muscle, however, I prefer sitting as opposed to standing – especially for a leg injury. Obviously, if cramps become a persistent and recurring problem, you should immediately go to be evaluated by your doctor. 
Many times, electrolyte imbalances in the body can cause cramping so your physician may want to take some blood to analyzed that the levels of potassium and other electrolytes are normal. There are also multiple muscle-relaxing medications that can be prescribed if the muscle cramping is a chronic problem, particularly at night. 

So there you have it all about charley horses and muscle cramps.

*My Words, My Canvas*

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Intimacy and Desire

Intimacy and Desire is a unique understanding of the way marital impasses are a natural path to relationship growth. The sexual desire everyone wants has nothing to do with hormones and sex drive, because we want to be wanted and chosen (not just needed), which only comes from your partner’s heart and mind, and ability to want. For some, and for various reasons, sexual passion and relationship intimacy may weaken over time.

A major problem in dealing with sexual desire issues: Typically the partner with low or no desire feels defective and withholding, and the high desire partner takes it personally. But Intimacy & Desire starts off showing how the low-desire partner always controls sex, whether they know it or like it or not. For example: The low-desire partner controls sex, when the high-desire partner says, let's have sex, and the low-desire partner says, well, I don’t feel like it, and the high-desire partner says, well, you don't love me, that's the end of sex.

Why and how did humans evolve this way? Desire became entwined with humankind’s emerging “self” millions of years ago, which makes human sexual desire absolutely unique.

There are four points I would like to bring up that add balance to intimacy and desire in a relationship.
1. Personal growth
2. Lasting desire,
3. Hot sex
4. Profound intimacy (i.e., “sex worth wanting”).
These four points are the cause, solution, and outcome of sexual desire problems.
Your personal history fits into any love relationships. In a love relationship, you confront your partner and talk about who you really are; you talk about your desire, problems from your past, and times where your life changed entirely because of a love relationship. Points of balance are always involved.

To improve your desire, intimacy, relationship, and change your mind—for those struggling with intimacy and desire try, “Hugging till Relaxed.” This is a therapeutic technique where you hug your partner until you feel comfortable enough to let go. Hug your partner for 30 seconds. This is a journey of sexual desire; self-exploration and personal development to better intimacy and desire delivers between you and your partner. By increasing your intimacy and desire you are creating a more meaningful relationship.

*My Words, My Canvas*

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Extraverted, Sensing, Thinking, Perceiving

ESTP Relationships
ESTPs are gregarious and fun-loving individuals who want to make the most of every moment. They love action, and always seem to be doing something. This enthusiasm is carried over to their personal relationships, which they approach with the desire to make the most of their relationships on a daily basis. They tend to get bored easily, and may be prone to switching relationships frequently unless they find an outlet for their boredom elsewhere. They approach life on a day-by-day basis, so long-term commitments are not naturally comfortable
for the ESTP. They may feel tremendously committed, but they want to take their commitments day by day.

ESTP Strengths
Can be quite charming
Witty, clever, and popular
Earthy and sensual
Not personally threatened by conflict or criticism
Excellent and clear-headed dealing with emergency situations
Enthusiastic and fun-loving, they try to make everything enjoyable
As "big kids" themselves, they're eager, willing and able to spend time with their kids
Likely to enjoy lavishing their loved ones with big gifts (both a strength and a weakness).

ESTP Weaknesses
Not naturally in tune with what others are feeling
Not naturally good at expressing feelings and emotions
May inadvertantly hurt others with insensitive language
May be very good with money, but highly risky with it as well
Living in the present, they're not usually good long-range planners
May fall into the habit of ignoring conflict, rather than solving it
Don't naturally make lifelong commitments - they take things one day at a time
Prone to get bored easily
More likely than other type to leave relationships quickly when they get bored
Likely to enjoy lavishing their loved ones with big gifts (both a strength and a weakness)

ESTPs as Lovers
"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as
the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to
joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before." -- Rollo May

ESTPs are enthusiastic and friendly people who approach everything in a Big way. They can be extremely charming, especially in the beginning of a relationship. They're also quite generous, and known for "sweeping their partners off their feet". They're very sensual and earthy, and are usually live fast-paced lives where their focus is on the present moment. They bring a lot of fun and energy into their personal relationships.

Commitment is not a strong point for the ESTP. Living almost entirely in the present moment, they're not comfortable with making plans far in advance for their future. If this tendency is not addressed in the ESTP, they may fall into a pattern of jumping from relationship to relationship without ever making a real commitment. If this is okay with the ESTP, then that behavior is fine. Most people at some point in their lives do wish to settle down. If the ESTP reaches that point, there's no reason they can't make a commitment as long as they consciously renew it to themselves daily.

Sexually, the ESTP approaches intimacy as a tangible, fun way to make the most of the relationship in the present moment. They're keenly aware of their senses, and so are very sensual and earthy lovers. They are likely to view intimacy from a lighter, physical perspective rather than as an opportunity for expressing a lot of verbal affection and affirmation. If partnered with someone who has the Feeling preference, they should consciously make the effort to sometimes verbally
express affection during intimacy.

ESTP's are not naturally in tune with what others are feeling, and may lack in the areas of giving affirmation, gratitude, and support to their partners. They tend to believe that actions speak louder than words, and so don't understand the need to say things which should be obvious. Types with the Feeling preference require positive feedback in a way that ESTPs don't. The best gift that the ESTP partner can give to their Feeling mate is often the expression of their love.

Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, ESTP's natural partner is the
ISFJ (Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging), or the ISTJ (Introverted Sensing Thinking Judging). ESTP's dominant function of Extraverted Sensing is best matched with a personality type that is dominated by Introverted Sensing.How did we arrive at
this?

ESTPs as Parents
"You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth...

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness; For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable." -- Kahlil Gibran

There is a little bit of kid in every grown-up ESTP, so they're
likely to really enjoy spending time "playing" with their children. The ESTP's goal with regards to parenthood is usually not structured or organized. They tend to take things as they come, and teach their kids what seems appropriate when situations occur. The ESTP is enthusiastic about both teaching their children and learning from them. They're likely to value their kids as individuals, and allow them to have their own voices in the family unit.

The ESTP doesn't believe that they have all the answers. They believe that many things in life have no obvious answer. They tend to be very down to earth individuals who do not believe that they're better than others, or that they have some great voice of authority within them. Therefore, they're likely to be their children's friend and companion more than a disciplinary guide. However, the ESTP will not have a problem with issuing punishment and discipline when necessary. But, the ESTP
has such easy-going ways that they're not likely to see the need for discipline as frequently as some other types do. This may be a point of contention between the ESTP and their mate.

Highly practical and quick-acting, the ESTP is excellent to have around in an emergency. They're tuned in to everyday needs, and are likely to be good providers of practical care. They will not be overly expressive of their feelings for their children, and may be gruff and unnatural when expressing love.

In general, ESTPs are enthusiastic parents who usually form strong bonds of friendship with their offspring.

ESTPs as Friends:
ESTPs are very good with people. They have excellent skills of
observation, and know how to act appropriately with all types of people. Consequently, the ESTP can get along with just about any personality type.

The ESTP is not likely to choose to be around all of the personality types. They have little patience for iNtuitive Thinking types, who seem very abstract and theoretical to the ESTP, who values action. The ESTP is likely to choose to be around people who have similar interests to their own - such as sports-oriented interests. They will probably spend time with their friends doing things, rather than just sitting around hanging out.

The ESTP is usually quite popular, because they're enthusiastic, fast-paced, friendly, talkative, and know how to have a good time. Some ESTPs tend to "move on" quickly in life, and don't form very long friendships. Many ESTPs have lifelong friends, because although they take life day by day, they feel tremendous loyal and "brotherhood" towards their peers. They're highly valued by their friends for their fun-loving natures and loyalty.

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Stop, I don't want to HEAR YOU!

Beauty is in the eye of the … beholder? No one has the right to label people as “beautiful” or “not beautiful.” Everyone’s definition of beauty is different and others should not judge. Society makes us believe that we have to look like the rest of the world. I would have to say, as long as you are healthy and happy what else matters? The only thing the media is doing is making us feel worse (decreasing our self-esteem) of how we appear. If everyone looked the same in this world there would be no room for uniqueness.

Many people are teased and made fun of, I am referring to those girls in high school who are bullied to the point where the only way to escape is, “suicide.” Words such as, “fat ass” and “pig” are horrible to hear. I think beauty also has to do with a person’s personality. Someone can be the most beautiful thing you have ever seen but their personality and character can be ugly! Beauty is a package, different to each individual.

If you are not happy with yourself, stop wishing and change it. If you are happy and hate the comments said by others, try to tune it out (easier said than done sometimes). Be yourself, be happy.

*My Words, My Canvas*

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You are the Donkey...

I find it funny when people assume something and then get mad when you say, “I find it offensive.” Then instead of that person asking, “Why are you offended?” They say, “well you should be offended only if: a, b, and c.”

Here is the example that stirred up this topic today:

You just met someone who first assumes you are Persian and then call’s all of them, “evil.” And the person wants to ask you if that is true? How closed minded are you?

I say: The Stanley Milgram studies proved that all people have the potential to be evil.

Secondly, this person then assumes you are full blood Indian because you wore a sari for once in your lifetime and starts speaking Hindi to you. Let me add that this person is Caucasian. This brings me back to my first point where you felt offended.

Do you see a pattern? Let me break it down for all of you:
1) Assumes you are Persian asks if you all are evil
2) Assumes you are Indian and speaks to you in Hindi
3) When you say, “I am offended” they say:
a. You should be offended if you are: ashamed of your culture
b. You should be offended if you are: having a bad day
c. You should be offended if you are: closed minded

Here is what I have to say: Go fuck yourself. Next time hear someone else out before you assume things. This is just vital information for your everyday lives.

*My Words, My Canvas*

True Colors

You really see a persons true colors after a "situation" occurs. Even if you get off on good terms people usually then show how immature they really are.

Let me give you an example. You have been with someone officially for a month in the end you realize you two are at totally different place at the moment and want to end on good terms as friends. Then you find out later that his friend on a social network site are saying: that person is fickle, good for you, now you can play. What does that say about the person who remains quiet and doesn't say: stop, its my personal matter and she is still a great person.

I'll have to say I am glad people can see true character after a break up. I can say that if someone let's others talk Shit about a person they should be careful. Hopefully that same thing does not happen to their daughter, sister..whatever it maybe.

People might be younger in age but older in maturity. If only people were nicer in this world, hurt would be non existent. Hurt seems to hurt more when the other person has not done anything to hurt the other person and has been nothing but respectful...and still gets talked about. It's ok least we found out right...

*My Words, My Canvas*

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Jazmine Sullivan - Fear

I'm scared to try cause I'm scared to fail
I'm scared to die cause I'm scared of shit
I'm scared to kiss scared to hug
I'm scared of sex cause I'm scared to touch

I'm scared to look cause I'm scared to see
I'm scared of you cause I'm scared of me
I'm scared to fly cause I'm scared to crash
I'm scared to move on so I live in the past

I'm scared to fight cause I'm scared to bleed
I'm scared of love cause I'm scared he'll leave
I'm scared of drugs I'm scared to drink
I'm scared to swim cause I'm scared to sink

I'm scared to learn cause I'm scared of truth
Don't wanna gain weight cause I'm scared of food
I'm scared to think that the label dropped me
I'm scared to think of my album floppin

This may sound silly but it's true
So don't pretend it ain't you too
We all afraid of something here
Cause you ain't human with out fear

I'm scared to start cause I'm scared I'll quit
I'm scared that people won't like my shit
I'm scared of fame and paparatzi
Rumors startin and people watching

Scared to grow up cause I'm scared to get old
Scared of the dark and beign alone
I'm scared of war I'm scared of jail
Scared to share a secret cause I'm scared you'll tell

This may sound silly but it's true
So don't pretend it ain't you too
We all afraid of something here
Cause you ain't human with out fear