What I have to say tonight is rather brief. I intend to keep it that way:
As she walked towards me I could not recognize her. She stated, “thank you for the kind words.” I looked at her with a blank stare. She asked, “Don’t you recognize me?” I said, “---Name---?” It was my former client. I terminated therapy with her two weeks ago because she was in a better place now and decided that she did not need therapy any longer.
What a transformation. She went from a female with a tom boy style to appearing more like a business women. During therapy she managed to: move out of her mother’s house, get certified as an assisted living caregiver, and increase self-esteem and confidence.
The best part of this experience: She thanked me for helping her. She was grateful, she was happy. I made a difference one person at a time.
Thank you god for giving me the ability to help others and ask for nothing in return because the satisfaction I get from seeing my patient in a better space is all I need.
*My Words, My Canvas*
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Jump Ship...
A car, stranger(s) and the unknown. The fear non-existent. Each person has strengths and weaknesses. Many believe that their weakness is something that forces them to, “fuck up.” What most do not realize is that this weakness is not entirely “horrible.” This weakness can become someone else’s strength.
For example if the individual is a control freak and use to the black and white life style, most likely flexibility and patients will not be their strong suit. They meet someone who requires those two important words, “flexibility and patients” this automatically becomes very difficult for the control freak to understand. They only thing on their mind is to jump out of the car. Later we might realize god sends us these “strangers” and god takes us to the place of the “unknown” because he wants you to learn from it. “People come and go, they leaven footprints.” I believe this is a “sign” that might be teaching us a lesson in mysterious ways. The lesson is, STOP, RELAX, and be PATIENT. The control freaks are use to their strict lifestyle that they forget to stop and breath.
We are told early in childhood that there are negative qualities about a person and positive qualities. I understand that some do believe that certain qualities might not be so great, but when do we say, “Hey I learned a lot from _______.” When do we learn from others and others learn from us? Society/Mental Health Professional will always have a say in, “what is right and wrong personality wise.” I think that we should take each person and learn from them and grow.
At first the car, the stranger(s) and the unknown were scary. A few days ago I would say, “I HateLove that feeling.” Now I say, “I can’t wait to see what happens.”
*My Words, My Canvas*
For example if the individual is a control freak and use to the black and white life style, most likely flexibility and patients will not be their strong suit. They meet someone who requires those two important words, “flexibility and patients” this automatically becomes very difficult for the control freak to understand. They only thing on their mind is to jump out of the car. Later we might realize god sends us these “strangers” and god takes us to the place of the “unknown” because he wants you to learn from it. “People come and go, they leaven footprints.” I believe this is a “sign” that might be teaching us a lesson in mysterious ways. The lesson is, STOP, RELAX, and be PATIENT. The control freaks are use to their strict lifestyle that they forget to stop and breath.
We are told early in childhood that there are negative qualities about a person and positive qualities. I understand that some do believe that certain qualities might not be so great, but when do we say, “Hey I learned a lot from _______.” When do we learn from others and others learn from us? Society/Mental Health Professional will always have a say in, “what is right and wrong personality wise.” I think that we should take each person and learn from them and grow.
At first the car, the stranger(s) and the unknown were scary. A few days ago I would say, “I HateLove that feeling.” Now I say, “I can’t wait to see what happens.”
*My Words, My Canvas*
Monday, January 17, 2011
Moving On...
Communication is a topic I touch on quite often. Once again I would like to write a short blurb about it. Especially for those readers of mine who are in some sort of relationship, whether it is friendship or a coupled relationship.
What does communication mean to you? To each their own, but this is my blog. My definition of communication required understanding, feedback, words, body language, tone, writing, eye contact and expression.
This becomes very hard when two individuals are living far apart. This is when words can become the most powerful tool in your relationship. Use it! Time with this person is precious.
Let me explain why communication is important:
**NOTE**WHEN THESE THINGS BECOME REPETITIVE IS WHEN THERE IS A PROBLEM**
-You do not see this person every day; communication is limited to the internet and cell phones.
-Neglecting and not communicating with this person will not do good, only harm. This person will get the impression they are not wanted.
-When phone calls decrease significantly in amounts that is another sign of lack in communication and tells the other person to Move On.
-When the person does not call to say good night anymore, not only is communication not being used, the relationship dynamics are failing.
-Neglecting important topics will lead to unhealthy relationship and unsatisfying one.
- Also for all the men and women out there in long distance relationship. When a guy or girl rather spends more time with a friend who they can see every day, any day instead of taking a few moments out of his or her life to talk to you, there is a problem. Move On.
I know what my decision would be when placed in that situation, what is yours?
*My Words, My Canvas*
What does communication mean to you? To each their own, but this is my blog. My definition of communication required understanding, feedback, words, body language, tone, writing, eye contact and expression.
This becomes very hard when two individuals are living far apart. This is when words can become the most powerful tool in your relationship. Use it! Time with this person is precious.
Let me explain why communication is important:
**NOTE**WHEN THESE THINGS BECOME REPETITIVE IS WHEN THERE IS A PROBLEM**
-You do not see this person every day; communication is limited to the internet and cell phones.
-Neglecting and not communicating with this person will not do good, only harm. This person will get the impression they are not wanted.
-When phone calls decrease significantly in amounts that is another sign of lack in communication and tells the other person to Move On.
-When the person does not call to say good night anymore, not only is communication not being used, the relationship dynamics are failing.
-Neglecting important topics will lead to unhealthy relationship and unsatisfying one.
- Also for all the men and women out there in long distance relationship. When a guy or girl rather spends more time with a friend who they can see every day, any day instead of taking a few moments out of his or her life to talk to you, there is a problem. Move On.
I know what my decision would be when placed in that situation, what is yours?
*My Words, My Canvas*
Sunday, January 16, 2011
And the Journey Begins...
My mind it is telling me to run. Run far away and never look back. The past shapes our personalities and is a part of who we are today. Why is that such a bad thing at times? Do the good experiences only have positive effects on us, or do the negative experiences really impact us. Our whole being.
It is rather unsettling when things are going well, too well, a person can’t help but take a moment to think,” when is this going to fuck up?” Why do some individuals automatically become frightened? Or is it not possible to ever have something go so well? We get scared, we shut down, and yes we push and push to fight that feeling and yet it still lingers above our minds. Floating like those animations you see in the comic section of a newspaper.
After being burned more than twice, what makes a person say, “This is my year, things will work out.” Should we just blame optimism? After so much “bad luck” a person starts to wonder, should I put my heart into this or is it already too late, because it’s in. Once it’s in then what? Wait until its shattered again? Or does the defense mechanism initiate and the pushing away beings.
Life is very strange, too strange if you ask me. To the point where it is safe to say, we just do not know what will happen. Have you heard that saying, “You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince,” well what if the fear pushes that prince away until all is left are blissful memories? Why can’t we just let life pass us by an hour at a time and not worry about the “ifs” and “buts?”
The truth is our fear, our hurt, our pain; our bad experiences will always stop us from taking that next step. We have to just let life happen and not interfere with god’s plans.
*My Words, My Canvas*
Friday, January 7, 2011
Going, going, gone...
This feeling is indescribable, the pain undesirable, the love …priceless. Yesterday morning a client was pronounced dead, due to an over dose of heroin. He was only 17. He had been 6 months sober. The clients that come into the drug and alcohol rehab I work for keep getting younger and younger. Our youngest client was/is 13.
We all went to pay our respects last night, at a get together to pay respects to the departed soul. The lives that were affect because of this incident endless, 48 people mustered up the courage to show up. The rest just couldn’t find in within them to come. It was too difficult.
The life of an addict and alcohol abuser is not easy. The craving, that “one hit” can take your life in a heartbeat. The disease does not care. However, people do care. Clients come and go; little do they know what a big impact and footprint they leave in our lives. Those memories are unforgettable.
I think it’s rather humorous how many people in this world go on and complain about mindless issues. For example, paper cuts. And the rest of the people in this world are suffering each day. They either are fighting to stay sober one more hour, one more minute. Or the others are trying to control their auditory and visual hallucination because of their diagnosis of schizophrenia or their mood disorders and sexual traumas.
Working in this field has taught me a lot about life and the type of person I aim to be (if not already). Be humble in life, appreciate what you have, and appreciate life and the people around you. Life is precious, death is long. The LAST thing a parent wants to do (no matter how horrible the relationship) is bury their own child.
*My Words, My Canvas*
We all went to pay our respects last night, at a get together to pay respects to the departed soul. The lives that were affect because of this incident endless, 48 people mustered up the courage to show up. The rest just couldn’t find in within them to come. It was too difficult.
The life of an addict and alcohol abuser is not easy. The craving, that “one hit” can take your life in a heartbeat. The disease does not care. However, people do care. Clients come and go; little do they know what a big impact and footprint they leave in our lives. Those memories are unforgettable.
I think it’s rather humorous how many people in this world go on and complain about mindless issues. For example, paper cuts. And the rest of the people in this world are suffering each day. They either are fighting to stay sober one more hour, one more minute. Or the others are trying to control their auditory and visual hallucination because of their diagnosis of schizophrenia or their mood disorders and sexual traumas.
Working in this field has taught me a lot about life and the type of person I aim to be (if not already). Be humble in life, appreciate what you have, and appreciate life and the people around you. Life is precious, death is long. The LAST thing a parent wants to do (no matter how horrible the relationship) is bury their own child.
*My Words, My Canvas*
Friday, December 24, 2010
Lean On Me...
When do we start relying on others to help us with daily living skills? Well, not just helping with that. How about when we ask for favors such as, “hey can you pick up my dry cleaning on the way home?” When does this transition start to form within us?
I believe this is initiated by others and taught to individuals at a very young age. Remember day care? If none of you have been to day care how about pre-school? There is a period of time allocated just for, “clean up time.” The person will instruct children to help clean. Do any of you remember this song? “Clean up; clean up, everybody clean up.” The teacher is relying on these kids to help make their day easier by getting that cleaning done. Along the way, the children are learning three things. One to follow instructions, two clean up after yourself, and thirdly it is ok to rely on other people to do things for you.
How about an injury that causes you to require help from someone else? How does it feel to rely on someone else to do things for you? What if they way they do it isn’t satisfactory to how you would do things. Well, it’s the thought that counts right?
I can pick at the little things such as asking a family member to grab you a soda, glass of water, help fold those irritating clothes that are still sitting in the dryer. When did we start becoming so dependent on other people to help us complete tasks? Why ward off these tasks to other people when they are meant to be accomplished by us? When do you say, “No, I can do this on my own.”
No matter how independent we think we are, or say we are, we will always rely on other people for one thing or the other. Even if it’s standing in line at Starbucks waiting on, relying on that individual to make your coffee, latte, or even grab that bagel for you.
This point of this post is just to create awareness for you who are reading this blog.
*My Words, My Canvas*
I believe this is initiated by others and taught to individuals at a very young age. Remember day care? If none of you have been to day care how about pre-school? There is a period of time allocated just for, “clean up time.” The person will instruct children to help clean. Do any of you remember this song? “Clean up; clean up, everybody clean up.” The teacher is relying on these kids to help make their day easier by getting that cleaning done. Along the way, the children are learning three things. One to follow instructions, two clean up after yourself, and thirdly it is ok to rely on other people to do things for you.
How about an injury that causes you to require help from someone else? How does it feel to rely on someone else to do things for you? What if they way they do it isn’t satisfactory to how you would do things. Well, it’s the thought that counts right?
I can pick at the little things such as asking a family member to grab you a soda, glass of water, help fold those irritating clothes that are still sitting in the dryer. When did we start becoming so dependent on other people to help us complete tasks? Why ward off these tasks to other people when they are meant to be accomplished by us? When do you say, “No, I can do this on my own.”
No matter how independent we think we are, or say we are, we will always rely on other people for one thing or the other. Even if it’s standing in line at Starbucks waiting on, relying on that individual to make your coffee, latte, or even grab that bagel for you.
This point of this post is just to create awareness for you who are reading this blog.
*My Words, My Canvas*
Sunday, December 19, 2010
It's free!!
The best things in life are free. Excuse me! Nothing is free! Not even relationships.
Think about this scenario: You find someone interesting. You ask them out and just for the sake of this scenario we will say that the person said, “Yes.” You take them out, maybe to eat at a restaurant. In the end for all the guys out there you do spend money on that person when you pay the bill. However, if you both split the bill, hey you still spent that money right?
Scenario no. 2: Let’s say you do not go out and eat, maybe you meet up somewhere. For this example we are going to make the location a park. Even though you do not have to spend money at the park, you sure do have to spend money to get there. Ask me how? Well silly people, the gas that it takes you to travel from point A to point B.
Let’s not talk about relationships. Let us talk about free samples? No, wait even better how about we talk about, “the best things.” Seriously what does that even mean? I truly believe that, “the best things” has a different interpretation from individual to individual. What I think is the best, is not necessarily what other people think is, “the best thing.”
How about having a child for the first time is that the best thing? Yes? No? If it is the best thing um it isn’t free. Well after you see the hospital bills, the money spent on formula, diapers, school supplies, clothes, high school, and college etc. Yeah that does add up.
Oh I have a good one, “waking up next to you every morning is the best thing.” And it’s free. No ladies and gentleman it isn’t free at all. You paid for “the best” by basically taming the mountain tiger (the girl or guy) into a sleeping bag by sacrificing and spending money on that person. Can a relationship really work without money?
Something to think about: Will your arms keep your spouse warm at night if you have no shelter. Will your love fill your spouse’s stomach when you have nothing to eat?
Let us back track to where I stated, “Waking up to you every morning is the best thing.” Let us analyze this. You wake up next to this person: the bed you are sleeping on = $, where you live with this person = $, additionally you have to compromise every day to make your partner happy. I think it is especially important if your partner is a woman. If you want her happy in the morning, it is important that she wakes up to something amazing (e.g. kind words, presents, and unconditional love) with the addition of sex.
Finally I want to come to my point. I mentioned a few things earlier and I would like to quickly touch on them in this section. “The best things in life are free.” What is free? Kind words, unconditional love, support, and being genuine.
Brief list of things individuals think are free:
Free samples – in the end you are pressured to purchase, if you do not purchase and run out of the sample you are shit out of luck.
Gifts – you have to gift the person back when it’s their birthday etc.
*My Words, My Canvas*
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Times Up ...You're Out
You truly are alone in this world when you are going through something (e.g. surgery) and you have no one who cares enough to wish you good luck. I find it sad. On the other hand, do we really need people in our lives to say something simple as, "good luck." Life has been so busy that friends have felt ignored and have stop communicating. Is having a career bad? Or is having a career that forces you to neglect those who care worth it? All that money you spent on education, all those sleepless nights spent studying, would you give up a little bit of time in your important career to keep those individuals in your life who will say, "hey good luck!" Can there be balance? What is life without balance? In my opinion after working a 24 hour a week job with a two hour commute one way, also working a 40 hour job a week with an hour commute one way really drains you. All you have time to do is work out and when the clock hits 8pm your passed out. what ever happened to those friends where after not communicating for let's say a month, you can pick up the phone and start where you left off? Why is there a unwritten law that says, "keep in touch or else you are not my friend."
Personally, ill get back to you when I can. Just because I don't reply right away it is not because I do not want to talk to you. I am busy, I am tired, I want to be alone. But I will get back to you.
*My Words, My Canvas*
Personally, ill get back to you when I can. Just because I don't reply right away it is not because I do not want to talk to you. I am busy, I am tired, I want to be alone. But I will get back to you.
*My Words, My Canvas*
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5
Sunday, November 21, 2010
I Will Be Heard...
I always thought speaking up was a good thing. I mean how can it be such a bad thing? Am I so wrong to voice my opinions, my thoughts, and my feelings? Am I so wrong to say something when I think you are out of line? Am I so wrong to tell the waiter/waitress that my soup is cold or my coke is flat? Am I so wrong to get angry when a car does not stop at his stop sign and almost causes a huge accident that could have been avoided if he/she would just have followed the rules? What would have happened? He/she might have to wait three seconds or less for someone to pass and be three more seconds late to pick up the prostitute on the corner so he can finally pay to get laid.
I know you shouldn’t say things when you’re angry but I am furious. Very furious. I have this vain popping out in the middle of my forehead and it just won’t go away. I know it’s not a pretty picture.
It is frustrating when you find out that the person you thought knew you well and have known each other for over 15 years gets mad at you for speaking up. Seriously, did you think I wasn’t going to say anything? Through all those years, when have I not spoken up? It is how I am. I will speak up. I will speak up when you and I are walking down the street and a car is recklessly backing up and half an inch from you. I will speak up when our lives are in danger. I will speak up if I disagree. I will speak up if I cannot hear you. I will speak up if I am not feeling well. I will speak up when you give me a reason not to trust you.
People are not mind readers, I WILL SPEAK UP, I WILL BE HEARD, whether you like it or not. If you don’t like it, then please get the fuck out of my life. I DO NOT PLAN ON CHANGING.
*My Words, My Canvas*
I know you shouldn’t say things when you’re angry but I am furious. Very furious. I have this vain popping out in the middle of my forehead and it just won’t go away. I know it’s not a pretty picture.
It is frustrating when you find out that the person you thought knew you well and have known each other for over 15 years gets mad at you for speaking up. Seriously, did you think I wasn’t going to say anything? Through all those years, when have I not spoken up? It is how I am. I will speak up. I will speak up when you and I are walking down the street and a car is recklessly backing up and half an inch from you. I will speak up when our lives are in danger. I will speak up if I disagree. I will speak up if I cannot hear you. I will speak up if I am not feeling well. I will speak up when you give me a reason not to trust you.
People are not mind readers, I WILL SPEAK UP, I WILL BE HEARD, whether you like it or not. If you don’t like it, then please get the fuck out of my life. I DO NOT PLAN ON CHANGING.
*My Words, My Canvas*
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
10 Things...
Repeat your sentences in your head before you verbalize it. Simply because I will call you on it. Especially if you already irritate me and the level of my respect towards you staggers from zero to intolerant.
My Pet Peeves:
1. Stupid comments – yes there are such things and no I refuse to subscribe to the saying that there are no such things as stupid comments and/or questions.
2. Placing on hold – No you can’t call me and say “Let me put you on hold to pick up the other line.” I will hang up on you. My time is important to me. So don’t waste it.
3. Shallow - Get over yourself. Your skin will eventually sag one day.
4. Better than… – No, you are not better than 100% of the human population.
5. When I am around you I need attention – If I don't get it, trust me I can easily find someone else who will give me the attention I deserve.
6. Promises…. – when you make a promise. KEEP it!
7. One upper – Fuck you and your better story. I am telling you mine and I need to be heard. You can show off when the spot light is on you. Right now it’s my turn
8. Last second – Let me clarify something….I am not Option B. I have never been secondary nor will I ever be a back up plan.
9. Liars - Just tell the truth, why even waste your time by thinking of one? Grow some balls, tell it how it is.
10. Excuse me, what? - Seriously, nothing is more irritating then someone who does not listen and pretends that they were. Then they say something completely off topic. Start paying attention to words, or else leave me the fuck alone!
*My Words, My Canvas*
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5
Monday, November 15, 2010
And Beauty Was Her Name...
Dialogue:
Person one: Wow, look at her! I wish I could be that pretty.
Person two: Look again oh grasshopper, her beauty just appears on the outside. She lacks the beauty within.
The point: Beauty is more then just a pretty face. Beauty is a package of personality, values, character, brains, and respect for your self but most important for others. I believe that no one in this world should have the nerve to label others as pretty or ugly. Each of us has something very different and unique attached to ourselves. Find it, don't diminish it.
*My Words, My Canvas*
Person one: Wow, look at her! I wish I could be that pretty.
Person two: Look again oh grasshopper, her beauty just appears on the outside. She lacks the beauty within.
The point: Beauty is more then just a pretty face. Beauty is a package of personality, values, character, brains, and respect for your self but most important for others. I believe that no one in this world should have the nerve to label others as pretty or ugly. Each of us has something very different and unique attached to ourselves. Find it, don't diminish it.
*My Words, My Canvas*
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Unimportance
I absolutely hate that feeling. You know feelings of unimportance. The feeling is very broad and can be applied to many different situations. Most of us do not care about the feelings of unimportance when applied to certain situation, for example: meeting strangers. The situation I would like to pick on for the blog topic today is, when you are on the phone with another person and they are pre-occupied with other things. The person keeps saying, “sorry I was _____ what did you say?” Honestly people, if you are busy then just tell the person, “hey I am busy right now, do you mind or can I call you back later?” On the other hand, yes there are those individuals who enjoy it when the other person on the line is engaged in another activity besides talking to them. They find it entertaining. To each their own. It never really bothered me. In fact I use to do that to people when I was on the phone. It irritated them and I did not understand why. Now as I grow, develop, learn, and get older I understand what they were experiencing and going through when I was doing that. It is rude and does not validate an individual. It is frustrating. I would like to keep this short and brief. I cannot go on about this topic for long.
In closing: Stop, say your busy, talk later!
Thank you!
*My Words, My Canvas*
In closing: Stop, say your busy, talk later!
Thank you!
*My Words, My Canvas*
Monday, November 8, 2010
Paths
There is a lot going through my mind, I cannot help but take time out from my slumber to get my words down tonight.
There comes a point in our lives where we one day have to say, "stop this is not the right path for me." I've finally come to realization that because of the recent events that have occurred in my life, have influenced me to take the wrong steps in life.
The feeling was great while it lasted, but slowly I felt it disappear from the other side. Maybe its just my imagination, but my instincts have never been wrong before, and I don't think they will let me down this time. If indeed my instinct is wrong and the path that feels wrong is the right path, I sure do hope that while on this journey a few side markers would show up letting me know I'll be okay.
Is a little reassurance good or bad? I think everything is great in limitation ...but someone like myself never needs neither has needed that reassurance. I don't plan on starting now. Then why ask for side markers? Isn't that a type of reassurance that tells a person that they are traveling on the correct path?
I don't have an answer, but one day I will. We don't always have the answer to questions right away. It's a process that us interpersonal/interpersonal minds love to go through.
For now, at this current moment those side markers are a symbol. My own personal symbols. Each one says, "K your doing alright, now get to the next side marker."
For those who are extremely confused about this blog, its ok. Not everyone will understand my babble tonight. For those who understood my words, now can somewhat understand me, but not fully.
*My Words, My Canvas*
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Wish...
If I had one wish, I would want to be a robot so I can't feel emotions. Or I can go back to being that cold hearted bitch I used to be. Since this isn't a Disney movie and wishes never come true, I choose option number two.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.2
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Shut Up and Kiss Me!
There are many different kissing styles. Individuals do not realize that, nobody does it the same. Kissing styles add “flavor” to every relationship and reveal more than we think. At one point in time we have all experienced the soft but electric kiss, the hard kiss of passion, the kiss where you take in each other’s breath, and the gentle bite on the lip from someone begging to be “rode hard.” The differences are important, because they can tell you about your relationship. The mushy kiss, the quick peck, the sloppy kiss, the rigid tongued kiss, the smothering kiss, and the impatient kiss. What do all these type of kiss actually mean?
Well, the mushy kiss is usually limp and lacks passion and eroticism. The quick peck is often given when an individual is in a hurry; the sloppy kiss triggers anger rather than desire, the rigid tonged kiss classifies your partner as a mechanical lover, the smothering kiss means that he or she rekindles childhood fears of an intrusive parent, and finally the impatient kiss implies your partner is preoccupied with more important things.
Another important aspect of kissing individuals should pay attention to is hand placement. Where are your partner’s (or your) hands? Do you gently touch each other’s face while kissing? Does your hand softly stroke the back of your partner’s neck? Often couples do not put effort into this. They do not stop and ask there partner what they like and do not like. Do not ignore the little things because they are all a part of an elusive language.
Kissing reveals more than we realize, it reflects intimacy, sex, love, and our personal history. Even a simple kiss can keep that passion alive.
*My Words, My Canvas*
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