New Year

As the new year approaches look back at your achievements of 2011, look at the laughter, the love, the hurt and pain. Start 2012 with a clear conscience, make things right, pray that karma doesn't punish you.

I wish everyone the best of luck in everything they do in 2012.

*My Words, My Canvas*

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To All My Blog Readers...

Merry Christmas! May the Christmas season, fill your home with joy, your heart with love & your life with laughter!

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What...

Is your purpose in life?

I answered: To help people

*My Words, My Canvas*

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Marsha Ambrosius - Far Away

So sad to see you go so soon I know that you ain't coming back In the beginning everything was cool Toward the end of it all it's all bad I know I played my part in making it what it is And I know that you did the same I guess i'm up outta here I'm moving on again I'm sure that you will understand I play by the rules You play by the game I couldn't of stayed It's easier to say Cause I was by your side When you went through the pain I guess it doesn't matter now that you're so far away

And every minute you're gone I'm missing you so I can't believe that you're far away Can't get you out of my mind Boy you're out of my life I can't believe that you're far away Everything would be different, If you could hear me baby Now that you're so far away Didn't want you to go babe, babe

Ooh tear stains on my pillow Tryna forget ya Don't know what i'm gonna do More days and counting I've been laying and staring Myself in the mirror All alone in my room I can't feel this way again Gonna think with my head Cause my heart is what got me here So hurt from what you've done More than enough reasons for me to move on Cause I gave you my word You put your trust in me Supposed to be the one to give you what you need I was by your side When we were meant to be Guess it doesn't matter now that you're so...

Far away And every minute you're gone I'm missing you so I can't believe that you're far away Can't get you out of my mind Boy you're out of my life I can't believe that you're far away Everything would be different If you could hear me baby Now that you're so far away Yeah, Yeah.

If I'd have known Sunday morning That you would be gone I would have never come home I wouldn't have answered my phone To hear the voice at a tone I knew that something was wrong babe The cops the one who had told me That you was alone inside an empty room Identified you as my baby Oh my baby So far away (far away)

And every minute you're gone I'm missing you so I can't believe that you're far away Can't get you out of my mind Boy you're out of my life I can't believe that you're far away Everything would be different If you could hear me baby Now that you're so far away Yeah... Can't believe that you're gone

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Winners vs. Losers

Winners look at what they are going to, losers look at what they are going through.

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Anyone?

Enough said...
*My Words, My Canvas*

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Memories...

Sade - Somebody Already Broke My Heart

You came along when I needed a saviour
Someone to pull me through somehow
I've been torn apart so many times
I've been hurt so many times before
So I'm counting on you now

Somebody already broke my heart
Somebody already broke my heart

Here I am
So don't leave me stranded
On the end of a line
Hanging on the edge of a lie
I've been torn apart so many times
I've been hurt so many times before
So be careful and be kind

Somebody already broke my heart
If someone has to lose, I don't want to play
Somebody already broke my heart
No, no I can't go there again

You came along when I needed a saviour
Someone to pull me through somehow
I've been torn apart so many times
I've been hurt so many times before
So I'm counting on you now

Somebody already broke my heart
If someone has to lose, I don't want to play
Somebody already broke my heart
No, no I can't go there again

Hang Up

Apologies mean nothing to me anymore. Because I know they can't take back pain or how an individual made someone feel. Neither will it fix what's broken. The fact remains that on several occasions lies were told. I could never forgive a liar and someone who can give up so easily. Someone who can hang up on a person who they claim to care for. Someone who will delete you out of their life.Everyone has a past that will hold them back from things, learn to get over it. Stop using it as an excuse. It is what it is. If your not in control of your emotions someone or something else is.
* My Words, My Canvas*

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Leave Me Alone

Believer

Never Felt The Way...

Free Floating

We search so much for the right choices, the right paths to walk, the right time, the right reasons, and the right person. But life isn't just about searching for things. It's also about letting the unexpected happen and finding joy in things and people we never searched for.

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The Person You Become

Notice: Most of my blogs are never personal. I do not like to talk about myself too much or to disclose a lot. However, it’s a new me. It is a new day. I would like to share more personal blogs with my audience. I also want to thank each and every one of you for being loyal readers. I truly appreciate it, and hope that I can keep my writing interesting enough for you to keep visiting.

Overtime things change and people change. Some become independent, control freaks, uptight, or free floating. We notice the changes accruing however, when do we realize that these characteristics have yield to the extreme?

I never changed because I had power or an ego. I changed because of every challenge life has thrown at me. I use to be a sweetheart, easy going and flexible. Overtime I started to adapt characteristic of extreme black and white things (either it is or it isn’t, yes or no), too independent to the point where even if I did need help I would never ask, and too structured. I want my old self back. I want to stay independent but don’t mind being taken care of, I want to do things on my own but if someone offers help I want to be able to accept, I want to be flexible, have fun and enjoy that ride. In order to do all that I need to lower my guard and that is something I am not willing to do at this point in time.

I went from someone who had feelings and who could feel emotion to someone who is numb. I have felt so much hurt and pain that I can’t feel anything anymore. I found it unsettling but at the same time I would have to say it was the best feeling in the world to feel cared for and to feel special. And then it disappeared. If I never feel that feeling again it’s okay, I’ll live. I just hope that one day I am lucky enough to feel that daily.

Currently, I do have a good head on my shoulders. I know what I want in life, I know where I am going, I have a plan and goals. I have a successful career that I thank god every day for. I have amazing friends who are there for me and a family who cares for me very much. Yet, I am working on bettering myself.

Happiness to Pain

It’s better to have never felt the happiness than to be tortured by the pain of it ending.
"My Words, My Canvas"

Blink of an Eye

I learned a long time ago, that a blink of an eye in itself is nothing. But the eye that blinks, that is something. A span of life is nothing. But the man who lives that span, he is something. He can fill that tiny span with meaning, so its quality is immeasurable though its quantity may be insignificant. A man must fill his life with meaning, meaning is not automatically given to life.

+

Mistakes are often Life's way of clearing the path towards positive results.
*My Words, My Canvas*

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One serious talk gone gone gone

People should learn to face problems, not run away from them. If a person rather abandon you than talking things through it tells you a lot of them and how the future might be. Something gets tough and they run. Better to find out ahead of time instead of finding out when you both are in deep.
*My Words, My Canvas*

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Wish

It never ended....
*My Words, My Canvas*

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Shine!

Our Deepest Fear isn't that we are Inadequate, Our Deepest Fear is that We are Powerful beyond Measure.It is Our light not our darkness that most frightens us. We were all meant to shine. it's not in just some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same, as we are liberated from our own fear. Our presence automatically liberates to others.

My Responsibility!

Frustrated, aggravated, not good at all. These are some of the feelings running through my body, mind, and heart. My client ended up having to be restraint. I as his therapist have calmed him down before. I know exactly what to do. The client was lying on the floor banging his head against it. The first rule a therapist is always taught is, “do not harm.” If I allowed him to do that, I wasn’t fulfilling my therapeutic responsibility. I needed to get into that cell ASAP. Security stated, “You can’t go in there! There a males showering.” I stated, “I have to! That’s my client! I can calm him down. I won’t look, I’ll cover my eyes.” Males usually shower around the corner and no one can really see them. Don’t know what the big deal was. I am a therapist, and wasn’t going in there to look at penis. I forced myself into the cell! I spoke to my client and he became calm and wasn’t resistant anymore. One of the staff members (by the way she is a bitch) attempted to go call my boss the clinical director and complain about me. Good thing, he wasn’t there. I was the only therapist at the facility as that time. I myself after calming the client down went to my office and called the direct at home to inform him informed of what just happened and why I did what I did. He was okay with it and stated, “That is your therapeutic responsibility! We will talk more about this tomorrow.” I than wrote a statement gave one to security and placed on in my boss’s mailbox. What I did was right. Not wrong. Security has a responsibility which is safety. Therapists have even more responsibilities. My license is at stake, my malpractice insurance is at stake, and my client’s life is at stake. I will do everything to protect those things! I wish security would let therapist to their jobs and work together. If something were to happen today I would have had to suffer server consequences with the board of behavioral science. Staff/security would not have had it as bad. A lot was at stake here!
*My Words, My Canvas*

Kelly Rowland - My every thought is you...

I'm addicted to you When I see you Wanna be with you Everything you do All I dream of When I wake up My every thought is you I'm addicted to you When I see you Want to bewith you Everything you do I can't fight it Cause I likeit My every thought is you

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Armin Van Buuren - Burned With Desire

For each forgotten kiss For all the memories For all the times a look Said all we had to say

You played your part so well A modern Romeo You came on Cupid's wings And then you flew away

When you touched my face When you called my name I burned with desire But you left me in the rain

For every sleepless night Forever in your arms For every hour spent Lost in the reverie

You broke your promises No shame and no regrets

So beautiful When you called my name

When you touched my face When you called my name I burned with desire But you left me in the rain.

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Promise?

Promise is a big word it either makes something or breaks everything.
*My Words, My Canvas*

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The Question is...

Ladies: If someone gave you $55,000 would you give it all to your boyfriend? If someone gave you $25,000 would you give it all to your boyfriend? If someone gave you $250 would you give it all to your boyfriend? Did you answer no? If your not willing to give him a small amout of money like $250 then why do you give yourself so easily? Fact: 55,000 teenagers contract a STD everyday. Cherish your bodies, because you're a queen.
*My Words, My Canvas*

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What is it?

Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.
*My Words, My Canvas*

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Once upon a time...

I couldn't feel a thing. Now I wish my heart couldn't feel emotions. It still hurts.
*My Words, My Canvas*

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The big Move

The move to Texas has been rough. It's quite the adjustment when you have no family here and also don't know anyone. Living alone is lonely. Maybe that's why the word "alone" means having no one else present. I preach to my clients about adjustment. Seems hard but I know everyone needs time to adjust to something new and different. I have no doubt that I will overcome this loneliness. One thing I do love is my job. It keeps me happy, keeps me busy.
*My Words, My Canvas*

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Truthfully

Truth is the most valuable thing we have - Let us economize it...

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Seether - Breakdown

Break me down if it makes you feel right
Hate me now if it keeps you alright
You can break me down if it takes all your might
I'm so much more than all your lies
I'm so much more than meets the eye.

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10 YEARS - Beautiful

Just as beautiful as you are
Its so pitiful what you are
Visually you're stimulating to my eyes
Your full of lies
Your insecurities are concealed by your pride
Pretty soon your ego will kill what’s left inside
It’s so pitiful what you are
As beautiful as you are
You're everything that's so typical
Maybe You're alone, for a reason
You're the reason
Should have seen this coming all along

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Congratulations!

Congratulation to my little sister who is graduating today! You are truly a wonderful person, my angel. I love you and am very proud of you. I pray that god gives you the strength to continue and seek higher education and live life to the fullest.
*My Words, My Canvas*

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Perfect

He calls you beautiful not because its is your name but because that is your essence. He will never call you his favorite because then you are comparable.

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Make Peace

Many people have asked me why I always speak about forgiveness and helping others even if they have done wrong. The past doesn't dictate your future however your past does mold you into who you are. I use to be one of those people who never believed in second chances. My motto in life was: I am not a baseball game you only get one chance with me. Now, the rules haven't changed all that much however, I will give people second chances to make peace and build on the foundation that was set if they are sincere and genuine. I've always been this way. Don't let others take advantage of your kindness and good heart, reach back. Sometimes you have to put all the past bullshit aside and ask yourself: Are they worth it? Also I believe whatever you do in life echos in eternity. If you have a guilty conscious or need to make peace do it soon. I wish all my readers the best and hope you take something positive from my Blogs. Thank you.
*My Words, My Canvas*

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Love My Job

In life don't ask yourself, ''How many positions did you hold,'' but rather, ''How many people did you help?"

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What You Want?

Getting what you want is not nearly as important as giving what you have...
*My Words, My Canvas*

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Get Well Soon!

I love my life, my family, my friends...but man its been a really rough past two weeks. I hope and pray that things get better not just for me but for everyone. Even if things are going well for you, I will pray for things to get better.
*My Words, My Canvas"

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Advise

I received a few emails from my readers and the questions were similar to: how they can keep there women happy.
This advise is dedicated to all men out there: Treat your women the way you would want a man to treat your mom, your sister, your daughter.
*My Words, My Canvas*

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Quick Thought

Nothing in life is guaranteed except death. Say what was never said, do what you need to do because you might regret it later. Cherish those who are in your life. Keep those who truly care. Be careful with harsh words. And remember to always be self less.
*My Words, My Canvas*

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You wouldnt expext this but...

You really do not realize how much you can learn from mentally ill patients. I was at work today and after getting attacked in my first group I headed over to my second group therapy session. I asked the group, "tell me something positive about you?" One patient said, "in life I believe everything has a reason, you just have to wait and find out what it is. I look at the positive in every situation."
For those who are curious, I am still shaken up from the attack. I know I will be okay.
UPDATE: I got a lot of emails asking about the attack. All I will say about it is that it was a sexual attack on me.
*My Words, My Canvas*

Tough Population..but I can handle it

Things never seem tough. Each challenge feels easier. I had a meeting today where the focus remained on borderline personality disorder (bdp). I would like to share about this disorder.

A person with borderline personality disorder often has unstable relationships, low self-esteem, and problems with impulsive behavior, all of which begin by early adulthood.
A common feature of this disorder is fear of being left alone (abandoned), even if the threat of being abandoned is not real. This fear may lead to frantic attempts to hold on to those around you and may cause you to become too dependent on others. Sometimes you may react to the fear of being abandoned by rejecting others first before they can reject you. This erratic behavior can lead to troubled relationships in every area of your life.

People who are diagnosed with borderline personality disorder have at least five of the following symptoms. They may:
1. Make frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.
2. Have a pattern of difficult relationships caused by alternating between extremes of intense admiration and hatred of others.
3. Have an unstable self-image or be unsure of his or her own identity.
4. Act impulsively in ways that are self-damaging, such as extravagant spending, frequent and unprotected sex with many partners, substance abuse, binge eating, or reckless driving, self sabotage, self mutilation.
5. Have recurring suicidal thoughts, make repeated suicide attempts, or cause self-injury through mutilation, such as cutting or burning himself or herself.
6. Have frequent emotional overreactions or intense mood swings, including feeling depressed, irritable, or anxious. These mood swings usually only last a few hours at a time. In rare cases, they may last a day or two.
7. Have long-term feelings of emptiness.
8. Have inappropriate, fierce anger or problems controlling anger. The person may often display temper tantrums or get into physical or verbal fights.
9. Have temporary episodes of feeling suspicious of others without reason (paranoia) or losing a sense of reality.

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My motto

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow ...do good anyway!

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Poem

My heart ripped from my chest. Shattered into a million pieces.
Eyes blood shot red.
Can I wake up from this nightmare yet.

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quote of the night

You dont know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have...

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The time is Now

If you don't wake up tomorrow, if it turns out that today is your last day on earth. Will you be proud of what you've done in this life? Because if you're not, you better start.

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Where did the Passion go?

There was once Passion, slowly I have noticed from one side it has disappeared.
I don't know what the cause is. I would have hoped differently.

I want to look at two kinds of married couples, the technically married and the passionately married.

The technical marriage consists of a couple who is fulfilling the legal obligations of the relationship but is notably devoid of any mutual feelings. Either for the sake of the children or for saving face in the community, they have chosen to remain together, even though they can barely stand each other.

The husband fulfills the bare minimum of his responsibilities by going to work, paying the bills, playing with the kids, and running the occasional errand. The love he once expressed towards his bride is long gone, replaced by a deep disdain for the woman he now lives with. For better or for worse, he has chosen to continue this façade.

The woman is equally disgusted with her partner, carrying out just enough of her wifely duties to convince society that she is content with her marital arrangements. She will cook the food, clean the house, and even force a smile on her face when seen in public with the man said to be her husband. But deep down she has no feelings of love towards the father of her children.

On the other end of the spectrum, the passionate marriage has two individuals madly in love with each other. When apart, they dream of the moment they will reunite. They have ceased to be a married couple and have become true lovers.

The husband constantly finds excuses for not going out with his friends, choosing instead the company of his soulmate. He looks for different ways to express his love, fearful of any letup in the raging wildfire of their passion. He continuously searches for the perfect gifts to express his love, always finding one better than the last one. Those rare moments when she expresses disappointment with him seem like an eternity, resulting in a flurry of attempts to alleviate her concerns.

The wife counts down the minutes until her husband returns from work and uncontrollably weeps when he is late. Hours with her sweetheart pass like the moment between two breaths. A smile from her lover melts her heart and transports her into a different dimension.

Those whom he loves have become beloved to her and conversely those whom she loves have become beloved to him. Their hearts pulsate in harmony, skipping a beat only when the other is mentioned.

Ponder over these two relationships and how contrasting they are.

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Surprise

I find it funny because I love surprises but I don't know what it feels like to receive one...

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Is it? Isn't it?

Fear will always prevent you from moving forward. You have to ask yourself....if it worth it?

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Poem of my Life...

No matter how hard I try in life I will never be good enough for anyone.

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Use it, wow its gone?

Let’s talk about the reasons we unknowingly take people for granted.

The dictionary defines ‘taking something for granted’ as:

To fail to appreciate the value of something e.g. So many of us take clean water for granted

To accept something as true without questioning or testing it
Another dictionary also defines the act of taking something for granted as: To give little attention to or to underestimate the value of, to fail to appreciate

Thus, when we take someone for granted we are failing to give him or her attention, failing to appreciate their value and we are accepting as true without questioning that he or she will always be there. We tend to do this in most areas of our life including our relationships (romantic relationships, friendships and business relationships.) Many of us take for granted things such as freedom, personal security, clean air and water, food, etc. We can easily lose sight of value.

Of course, we suddenly gain appreciation for something once we have lost it.

Each one of us can probably identify one if not many areas of our life where we take someone or something for granted. The one aspect of our life that we usually take for granted the most is the people closest to us – friends, family and loved ones.
When we take someone or something for granted we are creating a habit; a habit is something we do or do not do without conscious thought – an almost automatic reaction. We take people for granted because we feel secure in our relationship or we assume that they will always be there, and in turn, this leads to a loss of appreciation and a loss of assessed value for that person. In other words, we only truly appreciate, value and feel grateful for something when we consider the possibility of loss; we assume that there is permanency with our relationship, our job or the things around us. Nothing is truly permanent.

I am not suggesting that we turn to the other extreme of living from a place of constant fear of loss but rather that we consider that everything is temporary, it is on loan, and as such everything is a gift or a blessing.

One of the most common complaints from my clients in relationships is that their partner takes them for granted and does not appreciate, recognize or thank them for who they are, what they do or the ways the contribute to the relationship or family. And this complaint is even more prevalent amongst men who say their wife or girlfriend does not express any form of appreciation.

The antidote to the habit of taking someone or something for granted is simply gratitude which can be expressed in the following forms:

Give attention
Express interest in your partner or loved ones; ask questions, listen intently and sincerely; spend time with him or her; be a companion and a friend. Another common pain and issue for many of my clients is the feeling and experience that their parents did not give them enough attention when they were growing up. To give attention in the moment, refers to making that person a priority. Set aside time to spend with him or her and when you give them attention, make it undivided. In other words, focus purely on him or her in the moment – do not text, read emails, surf the internet or check messages while you are with this person; make them feel like a priority; look in their eyes and listen with your heart as well as your ears. And when giving attention, make the topic about them not you, otherwise you are simply using them to give you attention.

Appreciate
List all the qualities and aspects of your partner for which you can be thankful and then set aside time to express that appreciation.

Value
Why do you value this person or this relationship? What is special about this person? How has he or she positively impacted your life? What difference has he or she made or continues to make, and how does he or she contribute to your joy and happiness? List the answers to these questions and then you can…

Express gratitude
Each and every one of us needs to receive a thank you but needs it in our own unique way. For example, some people want to hear the words “thank you”; others want to feel it with a hug, a kiss or some form of affection; others like to see it expressed in small gifts or actions (a thank you card, a favor returned, etc.) Become clear about what your partner needs to feel that you are grateful (words, gifts, actions, etc.)

Beware of neglect which is one of the key components and signs of taking someone for granted: George Bernard Shaw, the playwright and essayist who won the 1925 Nobel Prize for Literature, once wrote that the essence of inhumanity is not hatred but indifference. When a person truly doesn’t care about you, they ignore you. Your comments, thoughts, needs and existence are irrelevant. What does it feel like to be invisible? When you become so busy with work, bills or the children that you barely notice your partner, then you are neglecting him or her. Love is about helping the other person to feel special, and that cannot occur when you don’t tend to them. The solution is to consciously be aware of how much time you are devoting to everything else over your partner.

Finally, as a close friend once said to me: cherish those around you because someday they will not be there. Express your love, appreciation and gratitude now to the people who matter the most in your life; you don’t have to wait till Valentine’s Day!

*My Words, My Canvas*

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Don't Screw it Up...Too Late!

As I rest my head against the cold glass window looking over the ocean, I had only one thought in my head. Everyone deserves to be happy in life. We are given options in life to choose happiness or to dwell in the present. Is it so hard for us to stop focusing on the negativity from the past, that it will cause an individual to stop living life fully. To stop them from achieving happiness?

God or your higher power puts us through many obstacles in life. I've have always believed that: tough times don't last, tough people do. The question is when do you wake up from the negative past and say to yourself: its my turn! Happiness will find you and it is ultimately up to the person to decide if he or she will let fear into their lives and push the happiness away or embrace it with open arms.

The point I am trying to make is that we all go through things in life that breaks us, makes us bitter, makes us stronger or just hurts us to the point of recovery. However, it is up to you on how you handle thing. Do you grow from the situation? Do you turn to other methods to suppress the pain? Or do you just shut down? Your life and faith is in your hands.

Many lie awake in bed at night asking god or their higher power why? I say, stop it. Get up, grow some Texas size balls and move on. If you don't, you never will know what you might miss in life. Stop using the past as an excuse for what is holding you back because you are the only person responsible for what is holding yourself back. No one else should be blamed.

In closing, remember: if you can change your mind, you can change your life.

*My Words, My Canvas*

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Wait ...Who is This?

What I have to say tonight is rather brief. I intend to keep it that way:

As she walked towards me I could not recognize her. She stated, “thank you for the kind words.” I looked at her with a blank stare. She asked, “Don’t you recognize me?” I said, “---Name---?” It was my former client. I terminated therapy with her two weeks ago because she was in a better place now and decided that she did not need therapy any longer.

What a transformation. She went from a female with a tom boy style to appearing more like a business women. During therapy she managed to: move out of her mother’s house, get certified as an assisted living caregiver, and increase self-esteem and confidence.

The best part of this experience: She thanked me for helping her. She was grateful, she was happy. I made a difference one person at a time.

Thank you god for giving me the ability to help others and ask for nothing in return because the satisfaction I get from seeing my patient in a better space is all I need.

*My Words, My Canvas*

Jump Ship...

A car, stranger(s) and the unknown. The fear non-existent. Each person has strengths and weaknesses. Many believe that their weakness is something that forces them to, “fuck up.” What most do not realize is that this weakness is not entirely “horrible.” This weakness can become someone else’s strength.

For example if the individual is a control freak and use to the black and white life style, most likely flexibility and patients will not be their strong suit. They meet someone who requires those two important words, “flexibility and patients” this automatically becomes very difficult for the control freak to understand. They only thing on their mind is to jump out of the car. Later we might realize god sends us these “strangers” and god takes us to the place of the “unknown” because he wants you to learn from it. “People come and go, they leaven footprints.” I believe this is a “sign” that might be teaching us a lesson in mysterious ways. The lesson is, STOP, RELAX, and be PATIENT. The control freaks are use to their strict lifestyle that they forget to stop and breath.

We are told early in childhood that there are negative qualities about a person and positive qualities. I understand that some do believe that certain qualities might not be so great, but when do we say, “Hey I learned a lot from _______.” When do we learn from others and others learn from us? Society/Mental Health Professional will always have a say in, “what is right and wrong personality wise.” I think that we should take each person and learn from them and grow.

At first the car, the stranger(s) and the unknown were scary. A few days ago I would say, “I HateLove that feeling.” Now I say, “I can’t wait to see what happens.”

*My Words, My Canvas*

Moving On...

Communication is a topic I touch on quite often. Once again I would like to write a short blurb about it. Especially for those readers of mine who are in some sort of relationship, whether it is friendship or a coupled relationship.

What does communication mean to you? To each their own, but this is my blog. My definition of communication required understanding, feedback, words, body language, tone, writing, eye contact and expression.

This becomes very hard when two individuals are living far apart. This is when words can become the most powerful tool in your relationship. Use it! Time with this person is precious.

Let me explain why communication is important:

**NOTE**WHEN THESE THINGS BECOME REPETITIVE IS WHEN THERE IS A PROBLEM**

-You do not see this person every day; communication is limited to the internet and cell phones.

-Neglecting and not communicating with this person will not do good, only harm. This person will get the impression they are not wanted.

-When phone calls decrease significantly in amounts that is another sign of lack in communication and tells the other person to Move On.

-When the person does not call to say good night anymore, not only is communication not being used, the relationship dynamics are failing.

-Neglecting important topics will lead to unhealthy relationship and unsatisfying one.

- Also for all the men and women out there in long distance relationship. When a guy or girl rather spends more time with a friend who they can see every day, any day instead of taking a few moments out of his or her life to talk to you, there is a problem. Move On.

I know what my decision would be when placed in that situation, what is yours?

*My Words, My Canvas*

And the Journey Begins...

My mind it is telling me to run. Run far away and never look back. The past shapes our personalities and is a part of who we are today. Why is that such a bad thing at times? Do the good experiences only have positive effects on us, or do the negative experiences really impact us. Our whole being.

It is rather unsettling when things are going well, too well, a person can’t help but take a moment to think,” when is this going to fuck up?” Why do some individuals automatically become frightened? Or is it not possible to ever have something go so well? We get scared, we shut down, and yes we push and push to fight that feeling and yet it still lingers above our minds. Floating like those animations you see in the comic section of a newspaper.

After being burned more than twice, what makes a person say, “This is my year, things will work out.” Should we just blame optimism? After so much “bad luck” a person starts to wonder, should I put my heart into this or is it already too late, because it’s in. Once it’s in then what? Wait until its shattered again? Or does the defense mechanism initiate and the pushing away beings.

Life is very strange, too strange if you ask me. To the point where it is safe to say, we just do not know what will happen. Have you heard that saying, “You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince,” well what if the fear pushes that prince away until all is left are blissful memories? Why can’t we just let life pass us by an hour at a time and not worry about the “ifs” and “buts?”

The truth is our fear, our hurt, our pain; our bad experiences will always stop us from taking that next step. We have to just let life happen and not interfere with god’s plans.

*My Words, My Canvas*

Going, going, gone...

This feeling is indescribable, the pain undesirable, the love …priceless. Yesterday morning a client was pronounced dead, due to an over dose of heroin. He was only 17. He had been 6 months sober. The clients that come into the drug and alcohol rehab I work for keep getting younger and younger. Our youngest client was/is 13.

We all went to pay our respects last night, at a get together to pay respects to the departed soul. The lives that were affect because of this incident endless, 48 people mustered up the courage to show up. The rest just couldn’t find in within them to come. It was too difficult.

The life of an addict and alcohol abuser is not easy. The craving, that “one hit” can take your life in a heartbeat. The disease does not care. However, people do care. Clients come and go; little do they know what a big impact and footprint they leave in our lives. Those memories are unforgettable.

I think it’s rather humorous how many people in this world go on and complain about mindless issues. For example, paper cuts. And the rest of the people in this world are suffering each day. They either are fighting to stay sober one more hour, one more minute. Or the others are trying to control their auditory and visual hallucination because of their diagnosis of schizophrenia or their mood disorders and sexual traumas.

Working in this field has taught me a lot about life and the type of person I aim to be (if not already). Be humble in life, appreciate what you have, and appreciate life and the people around you. Life is precious, death is long. The LAST thing a parent wants to do (no matter how horrible the relationship) is bury their own child.

*My Words, My Canvas*