My director said to me today: A relationship is like a coin, Two sides, heads and tails, polar opposites yet still one coin.
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Monday, April 30, 2012
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Monday, April 23, 2012
Stages of Infatuation
Dear Readers,
This is a continuation of the Infatuation segment. I found it interesting that as I was writing my last piece my sister was going through one of the stages of Infatuation.
Infatuation Phase I:
Stricken! The first act in the life of an infatuation is that magic moment when someone suddenly takes on "special" meaning for us. You hear a phrase or a particular inflection in someone’s voice that strikes a chord in your heart. You are struck by the exact tilt of his head. You are warmed by a gaze or an unexpected tenderness. An intriguing remark goes straight to your soul. Or, perhaps from a respectable distance, you notice legs or skin or hair (or a more private physical trait) to die for. Lightning has struck.
Infatuation Phase II:
Intrusive Thinking After the bolt of lightning comes a storm of intrusive thinking about the desired one. Every experience you now have seems interwoven with their qualities, every shared moment weighted with new meaning. When apart from them,you review and relish each moment spent in their presence and ruminate on their flavor. In fact, many infatuation informants report spending 80 to 100 percent of their time compulsively trying to crystallize the vision of their new love,living in vigilant expectation of the next contact.
Infatuation Phase III:
Idealization Early in the intrusive thinking phase, idealization sets in. The erotic sizzle permeates everything and creates that famous halo with which we love to blind ourselves. For a while, the infatuee sees no flaws in the beloved and admits to no blocks to forward progress.
Infatuation Phase IV:
The Emotional Rollercoaster From this high intensity anticipation comes the primary emotional dynamic of infatuation: an exquisite combination of hope and uncertainty which has funded libraries of poetry. At this point, life becomes that famous rollercoaster ride: precious moments of delightful reciprocity (real or imagined) followed by agonizing doubts of ultimate success. Infatuation is now more consciously driven by simple fear. In fact, The Nagging Fear of Not Getting What You Have Begun to Desire is the unique torment reserved for the infatuated elite. This pattern of human experience is as well-documented as any emotional experience has ever been. You can find poignant elaborations on the process incised upon clay tablets, etched in marble, painted on papyrus, fixed in celluloid, playing on the radio, and filtering through the voices all around you. It is a famous and favorite form of anguish. But how can something so uncomfortable be so irresistible?
Tomorrow I will post a brief overview about what the sciences say about Infatuation.
Take care all!
*My Words, My Canvas*
This is a continuation of the Infatuation segment. I found it interesting that as I was writing my last piece my sister was going through one of the stages of Infatuation.
Infatuation Phase I:
Stricken! The first act in the life of an infatuation is that magic moment when someone suddenly takes on "special" meaning for us. You hear a phrase or a particular inflection in someone’s voice that strikes a chord in your heart. You are struck by the exact tilt of his head. You are warmed by a gaze or an unexpected tenderness. An intriguing remark goes straight to your soul. Or, perhaps from a respectable distance, you notice legs or skin or hair (or a more private physical trait) to die for. Lightning has struck.
Infatuation Phase II:
Intrusive Thinking After the bolt of lightning comes a storm of intrusive thinking about the desired one. Every experience you now have seems interwoven with their qualities, every shared moment weighted with new meaning. When apart from them,you review and relish each moment spent in their presence and ruminate on their flavor. In fact, many infatuation informants report spending 80 to 100 percent of their time compulsively trying to crystallize the vision of their new love,living in vigilant expectation of the next contact.
Infatuation Phase III:
Idealization Early in the intrusive thinking phase, idealization sets in. The erotic sizzle permeates everything and creates that famous halo with which we love to blind ourselves. For a while, the infatuee sees no flaws in the beloved and admits to no blocks to forward progress.
Infatuation Phase IV:
The Emotional Rollercoaster From this high intensity anticipation comes the primary emotional dynamic of infatuation: an exquisite combination of hope and uncertainty which has funded libraries of poetry. At this point, life becomes that famous rollercoaster ride: precious moments of delightful reciprocity (real or imagined) followed by agonizing doubts of ultimate success. Infatuation is now more consciously driven by simple fear. In fact, The Nagging Fear of Not Getting What You Have Begun to Desire is the unique torment reserved for the infatuated elite. This pattern of human experience is as well-documented as any emotional experience has ever been. You can find poignant elaborations on the process incised upon clay tablets, etched in marble, painted on papyrus, fixed in celluloid, playing on the radio, and filtering through the voices all around you. It is a famous and favorite form of anguish. But how can something so uncomfortable be so irresistible?
Tomorrow I will post a brief overview about what the sciences say about Infatuation.
Take care all!
*My Words, My Canvas*
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Friday, April 20, 2012
Infatuation
Dear Readers,
Over the next couple of days I will be writing a segment on Infatuation. I experienced this last year and it took me a while to get over it. I believe that Infatuation can consume us and really affect us in negative ways. For example, infatuation with a past relationship can prevent us from moving on in our current relationships.
To provide you a little background information on my circumstance: Last year, after breaking up with the boyfriend around mother’s day I was crushed. I took my time and attempted to get over him but just couldn't do it. I even attempted to go on a couple of dates.
This is an excerpt from one of my diary entries: A few months later and a dozen people later I still don't feel anything. Numb is what I can describe it as. I know I will never find the same connection. Someone who knows what's wrong as soon as they hear you say hello. And wise versa. I know that I will never feel for someone else how I did feel for him. I will never have what I had. I understand these things yet I wish I did have what I had. I wish I could find what I had. I wish what I had, never left. The key word wish doesn't mean anything. Because wishes only come true in Disney movies. I live in the real world. I sat down and read all my diary entries from when I had what I wish I still had and they are full of such joy and love. I never fell out of love with what I had. In the end, it is what it is...life is a bitch. But I still want and pray for what I had. I love him.
Several month after I wrote the blog I received a text from my ex. Without divulging too much information after reading the text I realized that I was never really in love with him at all. His text reminded me all the reasons why I broke up with him in the first place. I was obsessing and infatuated with the connection we had, that no other guy had given me since. I would never give anyone a chance. If I wasn't feeling the connection I would automatically get rid of the guy in less than an hour or a week. I continued to compare that connection to every single guy until a close friend of mine said, "STOP IT! You will never have that same connection ever again! BUT you might find an even better one! You just have to give a person time and be patient!" She then continued to yell at me and stated, “How long did it take you to build that connection?” I said, “Instant” she then stated, “Did the connection get better?” I stated, “Yeah it took 4 months but it grew stronger.” She then stated, “So it still took time right? Give people time!” Let me tell you after being yelled at and also given a reality check I realized I wasn't being fair to the guy(s) or to myself. I was torturing myself!
To all my readers please don’t do what I did. Write off every guy because he wasn’t my ex. If you with someone now be fair to that person and build your relationship. Let it reach greatness. Let it reach that true potential. If you recently broke it off with someone because of your infatuation with the past and have realized it was the wrong decision let that person know you’re sorry and that you still love them. It’s never too late to start over. It would be a tragedy to give up and never start over at all.
Tomorrow I will write a post on the stages of Infatuation.
*My Words, My Canvas*
Over the next couple of days I will be writing a segment on Infatuation. I experienced this last year and it took me a while to get over it. I believe that Infatuation can consume us and really affect us in negative ways. For example, infatuation with a past relationship can prevent us from moving on in our current relationships.
To provide you a little background information on my circumstance: Last year, after breaking up with the boyfriend around mother’s day I was crushed. I took my time and attempted to get over him but just couldn't do it. I even attempted to go on a couple of dates.
This is an excerpt from one of my diary entries: A few months later and a dozen people later I still don't feel anything. Numb is what I can describe it as. I know I will never find the same connection. Someone who knows what's wrong as soon as they hear you say hello. And wise versa. I know that I will never feel for someone else how I did feel for him. I will never have what I had. I understand these things yet I wish I did have what I had. I wish I could find what I had. I wish what I had, never left. The key word wish doesn't mean anything. Because wishes only come true in Disney movies. I live in the real world. I sat down and read all my diary entries from when I had what I wish I still had and they are full of such joy and love. I never fell out of love with what I had. In the end, it is what it is...life is a bitch. But I still want and pray for what I had. I love him.
Several month after I wrote the blog I received a text from my ex. Without divulging too much information after reading the text I realized that I was never really in love with him at all. His text reminded me all the reasons why I broke up with him in the first place. I was obsessing and infatuated with the connection we had, that no other guy had given me since. I would never give anyone a chance. If I wasn't feeling the connection I would automatically get rid of the guy in less than an hour or a week. I continued to compare that connection to every single guy until a close friend of mine said, "STOP IT! You will never have that same connection ever again! BUT you might find an even better one! You just have to give a person time and be patient!" She then continued to yell at me and stated, “How long did it take you to build that connection?” I said, “Instant” she then stated, “Did the connection get better?” I stated, “Yeah it took 4 months but it grew stronger.” She then stated, “So it still took time right? Give people time!” Let me tell you after being yelled at and also given a reality check I realized I wasn't being fair to the guy(s) or to myself. I was torturing myself!
To all my readers please don’t do what I did. Write off every guy because he wasn’t my ex. If you with someone now be fair to that person and build your relationship. Let it reach greatness. Let it reach that true potential. If you recently broke it off with someone because of your infatuation with the past and have realized it was the wrong decision let that person know you’re sorry and that you still love them. It’s never too late to start over. It would be a tragedy to give up and never start over at all.
Tomorrow I will write a post on the stages of Infatuation.
*My Words, My Canvas*
Monday, April 16, 2012
Quote Before Bed...
Nothing hurts more than realizing he meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to him.
*My Words, My Canvas*
*My Words, My Canvas*
Thinking/Typing Out Loud!
1) Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go that makes us stronger.
2) You will never know true happiness until you have truly loved, and you will never understand what pain really is until you have lost it.
3) If your love does not work with that person it just means that someone else loves your more.
4) Some of the biggest challenges in realtionships comes from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: They're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your realtionship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.
*My Words, My Canvas*
Quote of The Day...
So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Advise of The Day...
Never be the second women. Either your first or nothing at all...
*My Words, My Canvas*
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Thought of The Night...
Once you learn what you are meant to learn, you can let it go.
*My Words, My Canvas*
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Saturday, April 14, 2012
Thought of The Night...
I see the door and I'm walking right through it...this is me saying good bye.
*My Words, My Canvas.*
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Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Quote of the Day!
Don’t leave something good to find something better. Once you realise you had the best, the best has found better- Drake
Why So Distant?
I've been branded the 'Advice Queen' among most of my girlfriends and have been faced with this question a few times buy friends of mine. I'm no expert but I do give the best advice I can and have had no complaints...yet.
*sigh* Drama can be too much sometimes right?! ;)*
These are my tips for dealing with a distant boyfriend, what Can I do?
It doesn't matter if you've not been with your guy that long; you might even be married, if you're in the same boat it just may help you too.
TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS, THEY ARE OFTEN BEST, IF SOMETHING DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT, IT OFTEN ISN'T RIGHT AT ALL.
There are a number of reasons a guy can get distant (if you're a girl that has more guy friends than girls or a woman with vast life experience under your belt, you may know this already).
Stress: It could be work related, the pressures of family life, being in a relationship, university deadlines etc.
Avoidance: he may be being distant as a form of avoiding a situation, which has nothing to do with you, but believes he must avoid you in order to avoid that problem because you may force cause or push him to face it.
Fear: perhaps he has noticed how needy he is becoming and he believes this might cause him to lose his independence, he probably likes you so much that it has just dawned on him how much he loves you or is falling in love with you and this might be to much for him. He may also fear the level of commitment or an increase in expectations you may have.
Cheating: yes it is quite possible that he maybe cheating, but being distant isn't the only sign of infidelity. So fret not ladies.
There are a number of things you should and should not do:
NO-NOs
Wasting time worrying, it will do neither of you any favours, and he will sense that you're worrying which will make him even more nervy and cold.
S-Mothering him: he needs your reassurance that he can handle this sitch like a man, he is not a baby, or your child.
Taking it personally: more than often it has nothing to do with you it can be work,friend,family related.
Trying solving it for him: it could put an end to your relationship, if he wanted you to solve he would have said so.
Playing mind games to get what's going on out of him: he will no enjoy it and feel he may not be able to trust him.
Making a big deal out of it, when he does open up and talk.
Mode of Action
Giving him all the space he needs: if it's a freedom, independence fear thing, he'd snap right back to you with time.
Loving the hell out of your man: he needs you now more than ever before.
Staying happy, hence the not worrying or game play to get him to talk.
Reassure him that you trust and believe him. Give him confidence let him know he can handle it.
Stay breezy/chilled out/calm when you're together, if he retires to another room, keep it all happy and smiley where you're at, he'd come out to feel the love. Positive energy is like a yawn.Contagious!
Set up some quiet time between the two of you, no distractions where he feels he can talk and he just might!
Something to Consider
Are you being too needy/demanding/clingy? This can lead to your guy getting a little distant.
Ladies, it's all fixable, just beware it could be the worst case scenario- he's ready to end it and is detaching himself so it won't hurt when he's leaving. It can be rough when your guy gets all cold but it can be handled, as soon as you spot it. Be brave it's never always worst case scenario.
Source: http://satoya.hubpages.com/hub/distant-boyfriend-advice
*sigh* Drama can be too much sometimes right?! ;)*
These are my tips for dealing with a distant boyfriend, what Can I do?
It doesn't matter if you've not been with your guy that long; you might even be married, if you're in the same boat it just may help you too.
TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS, THEY ARE OFTEN BEST, IF SOMETHING DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT, IT OFTEN ISN'T RIGHT AT ALL.
There are a number of reasons a guy can get distant (if you're a girl that has more guy friends than girls or a woman with vast life experience under your belt, you may know this already).
Stress: It could be work related, the pressures of family life, being in a relationship, university deadlines etc.
Avoidance: he may be being distant as a form of avoiding a situation, which has nothing to do with you, but believes he must avoid you in order to avoid that problem because you may force cause or push him to face it.
Fear: perhaps he has noticed how needy he is becoming and he believes this might cause him to lose his independence, he probably likes you so much that it has just dawned on him how much he loves you or is falling in love with you and this might be to much for him. He may also fear the level of commitment or an increase in expectations you may have.
Cheating: yes it is quite possible that he maybe cheating, but being distant isn't the only sign of infidelity. So fret not ladies.
There are a number of things you should and should not do:
NO-NOs
Wasting time worrying, it will do neither of you any favours, and he will sense that you're worrying which will make him even more nervy and cold.
S-Mothering him: he needs your reassurance that he can handle this sitch like a man, he is not a baby, or your child.
Taking it personally: more than often it has nothing to do with you it can be work,friend,family related.
Trying solving it for him: it could put an end to your relationship, if he wanted you to solve he would have said so.
Playing mind games to get what's going on out of him: he will no enjoy it and feel he may not be able to trust him.
Making a big deal out of it, when he does open up and talk.
Mode of Action
Giving him all the space he needs: if it's a freedom, independence fear thing, he'd snap right back to you with time.
Loving the hell out of your man: he needs you now more than ever before.
Staying happy, hence the not worrying or game play to get him to talk.
Reassure him that you trust and believe him. Give him confidence let him know he can handle it.
Stay breezy/chilled out/calm when you're together, if he retires to another room, keep it all happy and smiley where you're at, he'd come out to feel the love. Positive energy is like a yawn.Contagious!
Set up some quiet time between the two of you, no distractions where he feels he can talk and he just might!
Something to Consider
Are you being too needy/demanding/clingy? This can lead to your guy getting a little distant.
Ladies, it's all fixable, just beware it could be the worst case scenario- he's ready to end it and is detaching himself so it won't hurt when he's leaving. It can be rough when your guy gets all cold but it can be handled, as soon as you spot it. Be brave it's never always worst case scenario.
Source: http://satoya.hubpages.com/hub/distant-boyfriend-advice
Thought of The Night!
Don't let other people influence or affect your thoughts and feelings. Be your own person and follow your heart!
*My Words, My Canvas*
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