Tonight's Lesson: Emotional Numbness

When people feel emotionally numb, they can feel emotionally disconnected from the world. An example if emotional numbness, When a person in a sad situation and does not feel like crying. Emotional numbness can also cause a person to feel hopeless about the future. 

It can be scary and you can begin to think you will never have feelings again.  Usually you don’t even know where to start to get your feeling back or how to figure out exactly what you are feeling.  Sometimes a negative life experience can cause the wide range of your feelings to be limited to only a few feelings like sadness, or anger or no feelings at all.  When you are emotionally overwhelmed by a situation, and don’t know how to respond, you may shut down and feelings of numbness can arise. 

The outside world may interpret your emotional numbness as being cold or apathetic.  Some people may think you don't care anymore about anything including relationships.  Others may accuse you of being distant or aloof.  They may not understand that this is part of depression.  One does not always have to be crying to be depressed.

Tips on how to deal with emotional numbness: 

Seek out the help of a good therapist. You will need support to get you through.

Realize that you are also denying yourself opportunities to feel good again. If you block everything out, you have also shut out happy feelings.

 

It may be cathartic to read books or watch movies which contain a lot of emotion. Immersing yourself in emotional content may be a more safe way to feel empathy and to begin feeling some emotion yourself. 

 

Try creative arts, for example paint, or write to express feelings.

 

Attempt to feel your feelings as they are happening. Try to be present and conscious about what you are feeling. 

Lesson of the day: Worthlessness

It may not surprise you to learn that feeling worthless is very common among women. Feeling worthless is possibly the most obvious symptom of low self-esteem. But it's also one of the easiest to overcome. Feelings of worthlessness are entirely subjective. They are all in the mind. They have no basis in reality. They do not constitute a problem that requires fixing, and you can choose to stop feeling worthless simply by opening your mind.

You had some intrinsic value when you were born. Everybody does. You had a potential capacity to make the world a better place, to bring joy and happiness to others, to experience a sense of emotional, spiritual, and physical fulfilment. That was worth something. It still is. Because you still have a potential capacity to do those things. It's impossible to take away a living person's capacity to add value to the world. Only you can suppress that value. Only you can decide to hide yourself away, feeling empty and alone. 

No matter how tough your childhood, no matter how rotten your luck, you can choose to enrich the world every day simply by the way you interact with others, by the way you make caring decisions, and by the way you feel about yourself. Feeling worthless is a safe option because it reduces the amount of pain you suffer when things go wrong. If you already know that you're no good and that no one will fall in love with you, or give you a job, or even care enough to listen to you, then when a rejection wings its way towards you - which it certainly will because it happens to all of us - then you're better prepared than most. 

Feeling worthless is an easy option; if you're worthless there's no need to try to do well and succeed in the things that matter to you because there is simply no point. Also, if you act as if your opinions and your desires are all worthless then people leave you alone. If you say you have no remarkable skills or talents then there is no need to apply them. If you say that you are a useless, hopeless nobody then people will expect far less from you. 

Deep down, all of us really want to feel valued. All you have to do is acknowledge your real value, accept it and then make a commitment to retain it and build upon it. Your self-esteem is more like a mosaic - made up of lots of little pieces, some of which can be damaged or missing to the detriment of the whole. You can make small improvements in one area or in several areas at the same time. Either way, the overall mosaic will become more defined, stronger, and more appealing.

The truth of the matter is that NO-ONE is worthless. Of course it's true that some people are born with physical features that are generally considered more beautiful than the average person's physical features. Other people are more intelligent, some are more athletic. It is important to make the most of who you are today and what you've got going for you right now. If you do this, and keep doing this day-in, day-out for the rest of your life, I can guarantee that you will never feel worthless again. You'll be far too busy adding value here, there and everywhere to stop and wallow in self-pity.

Acknowledge your real value by writing a list of your strengths, attributes and the good things that you do each day. Remind yourself of both your strengths and the areas you still need to work on. Make a commitment now to build your self-esteem and keep adding positive things to your life every day and find it within yourself to eliminate things from the negative side. Do more smiling, share more kind thoughts and caring emotions, be curious, optimistic, and courageous, work hard and have fun. And reduce the time and energy you expend in whining, moaning, or feeling sorry for yourself.

Be your own judge. You know yourself better than anyone and now that you're an adult it is up to you to decide your worth and to attempt to live up to realistic expectations of yourself.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Marianne Williamson -

Lord Jesus I come to You for hope. I come to You for courage. Lord I bring my burdens to You. I lay them down at the foot of Your cross. I pray that you would come and bring the comfort that I am looking for. Renew my strength. Help me to trust in You, Your Word and Your people. I pray You would bring a fresh sense of Your presence and touch on my life. Thank you for Your unconditional love Jesus. Amen

Lesson on Disappointment

Don’t let today’s disappointments cast a shadow on tomorrow’s dreams. For me, disappointment is one of life’s most uncomfortable feelings. It’s complex, containing a subset of other emotions like anger, hurt, sadness, and probably many others too subtle to identify. Sometimes, those emotions by themselves are easier to deal with, but disappointment can leave me at a loose end. Disappointment can hover at the front of your mind and niggle at the back, bringing you a grey perspective on life, even if you’re trying to forget about it.

One of the hardest things to do in a world is to just let yourself experience a feeling. Human beings are not very good at allowing the experiencing of emotions in full without trying to speed up the process.  Allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling without any agenda of speeding up the process. Whatever you are feeling is OK. Take some time to just sit with your emotion and experience it without moving to fix or change it. Genuinely experiencing emotions, no matter how painful, is one of the beauties of life. Don’t shy away from these moments. Be present in them.

Having a broader perspective than your own view on a particular situation is always helpful. The critical point here is that you have to mean it. Rushing onto gaining perspective before you’ve allowed yourself to be with how you feel will be artificial and will not last.

Disappointment can ripple through to the core of who you are. If you don’t know what your core values are, you may not have a framework to support you when you experience negative emotions. Knowing your own heart and your values gives you the freedom of choice. You can choose to be driven by what happens to you, or you can choose to live in line with your principles.

As human beings, even though we know that some things are bound to happen, we’re not always willing to accept them.

When we are disappointed, we feel overwhelmed by our emotions. We are inclined to withdraw and blame others, wanting to wallow in our disappointment. We have to accept that we will continue to be disappointed—that it is a part of life, part of being human. We also have to accept that we will probably continue to struggle to accept this fact, at various points throughout the rest of our life. This step is a lifelong challenge and fundamental to dealing with disappointment. Life will be disappointing—but it will pass.

Practice acceptance and we may suffer less as it is happening and notice the good things in life more.  Disappointment is a part of life, but all parts of life can help us grow. We can be present and aware even in the midst of negative emotions and therefore live more fully.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

Today's Lesson

It takes time for a man to become a real man – sometimes a lifetime isn’t long enough. It really depends on how quickly you learn the lessons life has to teach you.

In the end, being a real man is understanding how you ought to interact with the rest of the world. Most importantly, it’s understanding how a man ought to treat women. 

Some men, for whatever misguided reason, feel they’re entitled to treat women like garbage. Minimize the damage and don't leave a women hurt and alone, wondering why she isn't  good enough. You’re entirely changing her future, and there is nothing she can do about it; her life is in your hands. The very least you can do is be a decent human being and be honest and treat everyone with respect. 

Don't lead a women to the point where she is trying to understand what she could have possibly done wrong.

Real men strive to be good men. They strive for greatness in all they do – including the way they live their personal lives. 

All people in the world need human compassion in their lives. Without it, life becomes an ugly, hollow existence. It becomes empty and void of all meaning, purpose.

You don’t need religion to tell you to be a decent human being. You don’t need someone greater than yourself to tell you not to use others.

Dedicated for an amazing person

Obstacles should never stop you. God's plan will always be more beautiful than all your disappointments. Place your hand over your heart. Feel that? That's called purpose. Don't give up. You're here for a reason. 

*My Words, My Canvas*

Thoughts before bed...

The worst distance between two people is misunderstanding. Communicate even when it's uncomfortable. A relationship without arguments is a relationship with lots of secrets.

*My Words, My Canvas*

Today's Lesson

What we think about ourselves becomes the truth for us. I believe that everyone myself, included, is responsible for everything in our lives, the best and the worst. Every thought we think is creating our future. Each one of us creates our experiences by our feelings. The thoughts we think and the words we speak create our experience.

We create the situation, and then we give our power away be blaming the other person for our frustration. No person, no place, and no thing has any power over us, for "we" are only thinkers in it. When we create peace and harmony and balance in our minds, we will find it in our lives.

Resentment, Criticism, and Guilt

We are each responsible for all of our experiences.
Every thought we think is creating our future.
Everyone suffers from self-hatred and guilt.
We create every so called illness in our body.
Resentment, Criticism, and Guilt ... the most damaging.
We must release the past.
We must be willing to learn to love.
Self approval and self acceptance leads to positive changes.

10 Positive Psychology Studies to Change Your View of Happiness

10 Positive Psychology Studies to Change Your View of Happiness

1. From Wealth to Well-being? Harvard Business School, 2009. While there does appear to be some correlation between happiness and income when basic needs are not yet met, people tend to overestimate the influence of wealth on happiness by 100%. Money does not lead to nearly as much happiness as people think it will.

2. Buying Experiences, not Possessions, Leads to Greater Happiness: San Francisco State University, 2009. The study demonstrates that experiential purchases, such as a meal out or theater tickets, result in increased greater well-being than material possessions. These experiences tend to satisfy higher order needs, specifically the need for social connectedness and vitality—a feeling of being alive.

3. The Science of Gratitude: University of Pennsylvania, 2005. One of the greatest contributing factors to overall happiness in life is how much gratitude we show. And a noticeable difference can be experienced with as little as three expressions each day (“Thank you for…”).

4. Trust, Morality, and Oxytocin. Claremont Graduate University, 2011. Based on research findings, psychologists believe humanity’s trust, empathy, and morality increase as their levels of oxytocin increase. Neuroeconomist Paul Zak explains the simple act of eight hugs a day can increase internal oxytocin levels and result in a happier you and a better world.

5. For a Better Day, Smile: Michigan State University, 2011. People who smile as a result of cultivating positive thoughts can significantly and immediately improve their mood. Simply put, one easy way to improve your mood right now is to recall pleasant memories—and smile because of it.

6. The Dynamic Spread of Happiness: University of California, San Diego, 2008. In this significant study, people who were surrounded by happy people were more likely to become happy in the future. So if you want to discover more happiness in your life, make a point to surround yourself with joyful people.

7. Kindness Counts: University of British Columbia, 2012. In this study conducted at an elementary school, students who performed kind acts experienced significantly higher increases in peer acceptance. In other words, people who are kind to others are more well-liked. This contributes to their own personal popularity as they help other people.

8. People who Exercise on Work Days are Happier: University of Bristol, 2008. People’s moods significantly improve after exercising. They are also more productive and equipped to manage stress in their workday.

9. Is Volunteering a Public Health Intervention: University of Exeter Medical School, 2013. Evidence suggests volunteering benefits mental health and even, survival. Donating time to causes you believe in not only improves well-being and overall life satisfaction, it is also linked to decreased depression and a lower risk of dying early.

10. Spending Money on Others Promotes Happiness: University of California Berkeley, 2008. This study suggests that how people spend their money may be at least as important as how much money they earn. Specifically, spending more of one’s income on others results in greater happiness. So go ahead, be generous. You’ll be glad you did.