Lesson on Disappointment

Don’t let today’s disappointments cast a shadow on tomorrow’s dreams. For me, disappointment is one of life’s most uncomfortable feelings. It’s complex, containing a subset of other emotions like anger, hurt, sadness, and probably many others too subtle to identify. Sometimes, those emotions by themselves are easier to deal with, but disappointment can leave me at a loose end. Disappointment can hover at the front of your mind and niggle at the back, bringing you a grey perspective on life, even if you’re trying to forget about it.

One of the hardest things to do in a world is to just let yourself experience a feeling. Human beings are not very good at allowing the experiencing of emotions in full without trying to speed up the process.  Allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling without any agenda of speeding up the process. Whatever you are feeling is OK. Take some time to just sit with your emotion and experience it without moving to fix or change it. Genuinely experiencing emotions, no matter how painful, is one of the beauties of life. Don’t shy away from these moments. Be present in them.

Having a broader perspective than your own view on a particular situation is always helpful. The critical point here is that you have to mean it. Rushing onto gaining perspective before you’ve allowed yourself to be with how you feel will be artificial and will not last.

Disappointment can ripple through to the core of who you are. If you don’t know what your core values are, you may not have a framework to support you when you experience negative emotions. Knowing your own heart and your values gives you the freedom of choice. You can choose to be driven by what happens to you, or you can choose to live in line with your principles.

As human beings, even though we know that some things are bound to happen, we’re not always willing to accept them.

When we are disappointed, we feel overwhelmed by our emotions. We are inclined to withdraw and blame others, wanting to wallow in our disappointment. We have to accept that we will continue to be disappointed—that it is a part of life, part of being human. We also have to accept that we will probably continue to struggle to accept this fact, at various points throughout the rest of our life. This step is a lifelong challenge and fundamental to dealing with disappointment. Life will be disappointing—but it will pass.

Practice acceptance and we may suffer less as it is happening and notice the good things in life more.  Disappointment is a part of life, but all parts of life can help us grow. We can be present and aware even in the midst of negative emotions and therefore live more fully.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11