Monday, December 31, 2012
New Years Wish to My Readers
May the coming year be filled with peace, happiness and great health, With lots of luck and loads of wealth, Wishing you and your family a very happy new year! My wishes for you are, may you have a great start in January, may you find true love in February, may fun be filled in your life all through March to June, may troubles never find your way all through July to September, may your October and November have in store a special good news for you and finally may December make you look back and think about what a wonderful year you had. Happy New Year to you!
Respect
Men don't respect women anymore because so many women don't respect themselves.
*My Words, My Canvas*
*My Words, My Canvas*
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Pain
Whenever the clouds of pain and sadness loomed,
Whenever tears came till the eyelashes,
Whenever this lonely heart got scared,
I told my heart, Oh Heart, why do you cry?
This is what happens in this world…
This deep silence…the world has distributed it to everyone,
Some sadness is a part of everyone’s life,
Some sunshine is a part of everyone’s life,
Your eyes are wet without any reason,
Every second is a new season,r
Why do you let go of such priceless moments?
Oh Heart, why do you cry?
Whenever tears came till the eyelashes,
Whenever this lonely heart got scared,
I told my heart, Oh Heart, why do you cry?
This is what happens in this world…
This deep silence…the world has distributed it to everyone,
Some sadness is a part of everyone’s life,
Some sunshine is a part of everyone’s life,
Your eyes are wet without any reason,
Every second is a new season,r
Why do you let go of such priceless moments?
Oh Heart, why do you cry?
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
True feelings...
Been hurt since day one
Being born to having no father
Raised by strangers
Never belonging always alone
Where were they
Discarded like dirt
Never worth it
Never good enough
Abandoned
Careless
Cold
Caged in emotions
Never free
Never free
*My Words, My Canvas*
Being born to having no father
Raised by strangers
Never belonging always alone
Where were they
Discarded like dirt
Never worth it
Never good enough
Abandoned
Careless
Cold
Caged in emotions
Never free
Never free
*My Words, My Canvas*
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Abandonment/Rejection...
These are types of abandonment (rejection) issues that too many are facing today. Some are just things that happen, but then there are some that are meant to be rejection. People are afraid to become emotionally invested because they do not want another thing (person) they have to recover from. How you handle those feelings says much. You can choose to be bitter or angry or you can forgive.
Abandon To withdraw one's support or help from, especially in spite of duty, allegiance, or responsibility; desert: abandon a friend in trouble.
A: to give up to the control or influence of another person or agent
B: to give up with the intent of never again claiming a right or interest in
One of the interesting things about the word abandon is that it is a transitive verb. It is an action verb with a direct object. It is doing, has done, or will do something to someone or something. It is a legal term generally associated with duty. Abandonment is not passive it is a choice.
Reject
1. To refuse to accept, submit to, believe, or make use of.
2. To refuse to consider or grant; deny.
3. To refuse to recognize or give affection to (a person).
4. To discard as defective or useless; throw away
Some symptoms include loss of control of the situation, separation anxiety and yearning for the lost love, hoping for the possibility of the lost love's return and the desperation caused by this desire. Physiologically, some who feel abandoned may experience emotional withdrawal symptoms of abandonment, including the loss of opioids (hormones), which is similar to heroin withdrawal; the significance of extreme changes in appetite patterns; Post Traumatic Stress Disorder; memory loss; the desire to self-medicate to endure the loss.
It also has a sense of not measuring up. The more that a person feels abandoned or rejected, the more likely they will turn into what they dislike. They will begin rejecting others who may love them, in favor of the ones who will hurt them. They may deny qualities that are good in them because someone else may disapprove.
Ultimately, they may become a people pleaser. They will go in search of acceptance wherever they think it can be found. Some will find it in religion, some will look for it in lovers, and the young may look for it in gangs. Some may find it a stretch that one person saying good-bye could have all this affect, but if a person has a lack of self-esteem or poor self-image, then it can become an issue.
Forgive them Forgive those you feel abandoned or rejected you. It will set you free to be you. Anger only ties you to them. You do not need to forgive them for their sake, but your own. You may have to remind yourself that you have forgiven them, but it is worth it. Forgiveness does not mean opening the door to letting them hurt you again.
Accept Yourself There is a saying that "no one can hurt you without your permission." Well, I don't think that is quite accurate, however there is a truth to it. The choices you make when you encounter abandonment and rejection are a testament to your character. It may hurt like hell, and maybe you might shoot daggers with your eyes if you encountered them, but if you will make the decision not to accept bitterness as an option, or find another way to handle this punch then you can come out better. The main thing is to accept yourself for who you are. If you cannot accept you then how can you expect anyone to? You have to be valuable in your own eyes before anyone else can see your true worth. If you treat yourself like trash then you will get people in your life that will do the same. Though change is mentioned please do not go overboard. If there are valid criticisms then decide if you want to make those changes. You are the person in control of your life. The decisions you make affect you first. Do not do it to get the person back or to accept you, because usually it is an excuse to get out of the relationship and not the real one anyway. Trust your instincts not someone else's.
Everybody always leaves. That's the scary thing. You never know who to love, who to trust, or which direction you want to go. You say you will never leave, but you always end up doing just that.
Leave.
It's what people do best. Some may not realize that, but it happens. You don't consider the consequences, good or bad. You would walk away from someone that needed you, you would leave them alone... Again. Just as you found them in the first place.
When you're young, it happens, and when you're old, it happens. People of all shapes and sizes leave, different ethnicity, different everything. You can never be 100% sure unless you know someone, but even then you're scared. You're scared of being alone, being abandoned... You would rather hate instead of being alone because then at least you knew someone was thinking about you, even in a bad way.
Because you can Never truly know what's in store for you until you enter, unless you take the initiative to do something about your unhappiness, your fear. But yet.... We understand. We understand that you're hesitant to trust. How can you tell what’s real? Whether it’s love or just lust? We should make everyone stay, stay a little longer. Hold them a little longer, kiss them a little longer, need them a little longer. Because once someone is gone, maybe we start getting used to the idea of not having them, and we become less and less dependent on that said person. It's not a game, and you're certainly no prize. You're far from perfection, and it's something you realize. You want them to promise to love you forever, but even promises are broken. They tell you over and over again, but it's always coming undone. Was it something you did? Something you said? You'll never know, but what you will know, is that something, along the line, something went wrong. And you pray with everything that it fixes itself, but it never does. You lie in bed, awake, for the second night with no chance of sleeping, thinking it was all a mistake. If people never entered, they would never have to leave.... So you've decided to give up, never let people in so they could never leave, but you know you would go insane. Sometimes all you need is a hug and reassurance to know you're wanted, needed, or just... There. You're not useless, but it's how you feel. You realize getting hurt is inevitable, but you don't want to go through it again... No, not again. No, you don't want the abuse, the marks, the bruises, the pain. You don't want the death, for your past to repeat itself.... You don't want to leave. All you want, is to be told, "I love you" from the person that it matters most.
You try so hard.... to be beautiful for once. To make yourself look... confident. You look for a comment, but it never comes. Do you know why? It's simply because they don't notice you. They don't notice your efforts because you're not worth the time. Maybe, on the outside there's a strong smile, but inside you're screaming. Everyone needs someone a while. Some days you're angry. At yourself, at the world, at a specific other. But you just want to be recognized, you suppose.
When you try, nothing comes. It's what you're used to. What can you do to keep them? Keep them with you, make them stay. If you dressed differently, acted different. It keeps you up for days on end. You're used to everything that happens but.... You want to change some that does....
But no one is there to help you...
You don't know what you can do anymore. Are you even good enough? Or is it pity? You can't tell the difference. All you do, is think. Think about it and sigh. It's in people's heads, and that's all. It's never there. What can you think? What can you do? Is there anything? No. You're not good enough.. Never will be. Because... no one notices you. No one is there. They all left.
But some are there. Some.
Abandon To withdraw one's support or help from, especially in spite of duty, allegiance, or responsibility; desert: abandon a friend in trouble.
A: to give up to the control or influence of another person or agent
B: to give up with the intent of never again claiming a right or interest in
One of the interesting things about the word abandon is that it is a transitive verb. It is an action verb with a direct object. It is doing, has done, or will do something to someone or something. It is a legal term generally associated with duty. Abandonment is not passive it is a choice.
Reject
1. To refuse to accept, submit to, believe, or make use of.
2. To refuse to consider or grant; deny.
3. To refuse to recognize or give affection to (a person).
4. To discard as defective or useless; throw away
Some symptoms include loss of control of the situation, separation anxiety and yearning for the lost love, hoping for the possibility of the lost love's return and the desperation caused by this desire. Physiologically, some who feel abandoned may experience emotional withdrawal symptoms of abandonment, including the loss of opioids (hormones), which is similar to heroin withdrawal; the significance of extreme changes in appetite patterns; Post Traumatic Stress Disorder; memory loss; the desire to self-medicate to endure the loss.
It also has a sense of not measuring up. The more that a person feels abandoned or rejected, the more likely they will turn into what they dislike. They will begin rejecting others who may love them, in favor of the ones who will hurt them. They may deny qualities that are good in them because someone else may disapprove.
Ultimately, they may become a people pleaser. They will go in search of acceptance wherever they think it can be found. Some will find it in religion, some will look for it in lovers, and the young may look for it in gangs. Some may find it a stretch that one person saying good-bye could have all this affect, but if a person has a lack of self-esteem or poor self-image, then it can become an issue.
Forgive them Forgive those you feel abandoned or rejected you. It will set you free to be you. Anger only ties you to them. You do not need to forgive them for their sake, but your own. You may have to remind yourself that you have forgiven them, but it is worth it. Forgiveness does not mean opening the door to letting them hurt you again.
Accept Yourself There is a saying that "no one can hurt you without your permission." Well, I don't think that is quite accurate, however there is a truth to it. The choices you make when you encounter abandonment and rejection are a testament to your character. It may hurt like hell, and maybe you might shoot daggers with your eyes if you encountered them, but if you will make the decision not to accept bitterness as an option, or find another way to handle this punch then you can come out better. The main thing is to accept yourself for who you are. If you cannot accept you then how can you expect anyone to? You have to be valuable in your own eyes before anyone else can see your true worth. If you treat yourself like trash then you will get people in your life that will do the same. Though change is mentioned please do not go overboard. If there are valid criticisms then decide if you want to make those changes. You are the person in control of your life. The decisions you make affect you first. Do not do it to get the person back or to accept you, because usually it is an excuse to get out of the relationship and not the real one anyway. Trust your instincts not someone else's.
Everybody always leaves. That's the scary thing. You never know who to love, who to trust, or which direction you want to go. You say you will never leave, but you always end up doing just that.
Leave.
It's what people do best. Some may not realize that, but it happens. You don't consider the consequences, good or bad. You would walk away from someone that needed you, you would leave them alone... Again. Just as you found them in the first place.
When you're young, it happens, and when you're old, it happens. People of all shapes and sizes leave, different ethnicity, different everything. You can never be 100% sure unless you know someone, but even then you're scared. You're scared of being alone, being abandoned... You would rather hate instead of being alone because then at least you knew someone was thinking about you, even in a bad way.
Because you can Never truly know what's in store for you until you enter, unless you take the initiative to do something about your unhappiness, your fear. But yet.... We understand. We understand that you're hesitant to trust. How can you tell what’s real? Whether it’s love or just lust? We should make everyone stay, stay a little longer. Hold them a little longer, kiss them a little longer, need them a little longer. Because once someone is gone, maybe we start getting used to the idea of not having them, and we become less and less dependent on that said person. It's not a game, and you're certainly no prize. You're far from perfection, and it's something you realize. You want them to promise to love you forever, but even promises are broken. They tell you over and over again, but it's always coming undone. Was it something you did? Something you said? You'll never know, but what you will know, is that something, along the line, something went wrong. And you pray with everything that it fixes itself, but it never does. You lie in bed, awake, for the second night with no chance of sleeping, thinking it was all a mistake. If people never entered, they would never have to leave.... So you've decided to give up, never let people in so they could never leave, but you know you would go insane. Sometimes all you need is a hug and reassurance to know you're wanted, needed, or just... There. You're not useless, but it's how you feel. You realize getting hurt is inevitable, but you don't want to go through it again... No, not again. No, you don't want the abuse, the marks, the bruises, the pain. You don't want the death, for your past to repeat itself.... You don't want to leave. All you want, is to be told, "I love you" from the person that it matters most.
You try so hard.... to be beautiful for once. To make yourself look... confident. You look for a comment, but it never comes. Do you know why? It's simply because they don't notice you. They don't notice your efforts because you're not worth the time. Maybe, on the outside there's a strong smile, but inside you're screaming. Everyone needs someone a while. Some days you're angry. At yourself, at the world, at a specific other. But you just want to be recognized, you suppose.
When you try, nothing comes. It's what you're used to. What can you do to keep them? Keep them with you, make them stay. If you dressed differently, acted different. It keeps you up for days on end. You're used to everything that happens but.... You want to change some that does....
But no one is there to help you...
You don't know what you can do anymore. Are you even good enough? Or is it pity? You can't tell the difference. All you do, is think. Think about it and sigh. It's in people's heads, and that's all. It's never there. What can you think? What can you do? Is there anything? No. You're not good enough.. Never will be. Because... no one notices you. No one is there. They all left.
But some are there. Some.
Sunday, December 23, 2012
I Scare You...
The truth is, I intimidate you.
I scare you.
Because out of all the people in this world I am one of the rare ones who can see right through you. Behind that smile and nothing affects me attitude I see your pain.
That's why you avoid me.
I scare you....
*My Words, My Canvas*
I scare you.
Because out of all the people in this world I am one of the rare ones who can see right through you. Behind that smile and nothing affects me attitude I see your pain.
That's why you avoid me.
I scare you....
*My Words, My Canvas*
Monday, December 17, 2012
Tonight I Died...
Tonight I died
Unlike the Phoenix I didn't get another try
It is unusual
It is sad
That this time, unlike all the other times
I didn't wake up with my new chance
*My Words, My Canvas*
Unlike the Phoenix I didn't get another try
It is unusual
It is sad
That this time, unlike all the other times
I didn't wake up with my new chance
*My Words, My Canvas*
Unanswered...
I don't know if I am a desirable person, not just physically but emotionally, mentally and intellectually. I do know that I can never be that girl from that novel; I can never be that girl you want me to be; I can never be that girl who is desirable or good enough for you; I can never be that person who lives all these different lives. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. But I do know that I am me. As true and real as I can be. I also know that I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experiences possible in life.
*My Words, My Canvas*
*My Words, My Canvas*
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Interview With God...
"INTERVIEW WITH GOD"
I dreamed I had an interview with God.
"Come in," God said. "So, you would like to interview Me?"
"If you have the time," I said.
God smiled and said: "My time is eternity and is enough to do everything; what questions do you have in mind to ask me?"
"What surprises you most about humankind?"
God answered: "That they get bored of being children, are in a rush to grow up, and then long to be children again.
That they lose their health to make money and then lose their money to restore their health.
That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, such that they live neither for the present nor the future.
That they live as if they will never die, and they die as if they had never lived..."
God's hands took mine and we were silent for while and then I asked... "As a parent, what are some of life's lessons you want your children to learn?"
God replied with a smile: "To learn that they cannot make anyone love them. What they can do is to let themselves be loved. To learn that what is most valuable is not what they have in their lives, but who they have in their lives.
To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others. All will be judged individually on their own merits, not as a group on a comparison basis!
To learn that a rich person is not the one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.
To learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in persons we love, and that it takes many years to heal them.
To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness.
To learn that there are persons that love them dearly, but simply do not know how to express or show their feelings.
To learn that money can buy everything but happiness.
To learn that two people can look at the same thing and see it totally differently.
To learn that a true friend is someone who knows everything about them and likes them anyway.
To learn that it is not always enough that they be forgiven by others, but that they have to forgive themselves."
I sat there for awhile enjoying the moment. I thanked Him for his time and for all that He has done for me and my family, and He replied, "Anytime. I'm here 24 hours a day. All you have to do is ask for me, and I'll answer."
I dreamed I had an interview with God.
"Come in," God said. "So, you would like to interview Me?"
"If you have the time," I said.
God smiled and said: "My time is eternity and is enough to do everything; what questions do you have in mind to ask me?"
"What surprises you most about humankind?"
God answered: "That they get bored of being children, are in a rush to grow up, and then long to be children again.
That they lose their health to make money and then lose their money to restore their health.
That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, such that they live neither for the present nor the future.
That they live as if they will never die, and they die as if they had never lived..."
God's hands took mine and we were silent for while and then I asked... "As a parent, what are some of life's lessons you want your children to learn?"
God replied with a smile: "To learn that they cannot make anyone love them. What they can do is to let themselves be loved. To learn that what is most valuable is not what they have in their lives, but who they have in their lives.
To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others. All will be judged individually on their own merits, not as a group on a comparison basis!
To learn that a rich person is not the one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.
To learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in persons we love, and that it takes many years to heal them.
To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness.
To learn that there are persons that love them dearly, but simply do not know how to express or show their feelings.
To learn that money can buy everything but happiness.
To learn that two people can look at the same thing and see it totally differently.
To learn that a true friend is someone who knows everything about them and likes them anyway.
To learn that it is not always enough that they be forgiven by others, but that they have to forgive themselves."
I sat there for awhile enjoying the moment. I thanked Him for his time and for all that He has done for me and my family, and He replied, "Anytime. I'm here 24 hours a day. All you have to do is ask for me, and I'll answer."
True Colors
I've been waiting, for you to show your true colors, your show isn't fooling me, soon you will see, the true colors of your personality.
You've tried to hide your emotions, but those true colors are showing through, you're broken down to the last bone, don't try to fool me.
I've been sitting here, trying to get you to open your eyes, this is reality, your colors are starting to come through, don't fight the true color of your heart.
You've been watching your every step, trying to act like you haven't been hurt one bit, but those true colors are shining through, I can see it in your eyes, you've fallen from all you've ever known.
I'll be here until you're ready to tell me, but I already know what you're thinking, you think your true colors are hidden, but I can see right through that facade, your words only fool yourself.
*My Words, My Canvas*
I'm right here to listen, but you're pushing me away.
One day you'll come to me and I'll watch your lips tell me, "you saw my true colors and you were right."
You've tried to hide your emotions, but those true colors are showing through, you're broken down to the last bone, don't try to fool me.
I've been sitting here, trying to get you to open your eyes, this is reality, your colors are starting to come through, don't fight the true color of your heart.
You've been watching your every step, trying to act like you haven't been hurt one bit, but those true colors are shining through, I can see it in your eyes, you've fallen from all you've ever known.
I'll be here until you're ready to tell me, but I already know what you're thinking, you think your true colors are hidden, but I can see right through that facade, your words only fool yourself.
*My Words, My Canvas*
I'm right here to listen, but you're pushing me away.
One day you'll come to me and I'll watch your lips tell me, "you saw my true colors and you were right."
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Living...
Because with every day that goes by, I feel myself becoming more and more invisible... And I felt like my heart had been so thoroughly and irreparably broken that there could be no real joy again, that at best there might eventually be a little contentment. If I can't feel, if I can't move, if I can't think, and I can't care, then what conceivable point is there in living?
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Thanksgiving...
I want to thank all the assholes in my life because you have taught me that I am unbreakable. I want to thank all the genuine people in my life because you have taught me that good still exists in this world. I want to thank my struggles because you have taught me how to be tough. I am thankful everything I have and don't have in life. Happy thanksgiving everyone!
*My Words, My Canvas*
*My Words, My Canvas*
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Soul...
Falling, Crumbling, Breaking, Shaking, Rotting, Dying, Soul. Sometimes I wonder if I even care...
*My Words, My Canvas*
*My Words, My Canvas*
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Beauty...
You call me beautiful but I don't feel beautiful. Because the beauty of a women is not defined by a man, or by words. Her beauty can be found in her grace. Her beauty is in her thoughts. It can also be found in her soul. Her beauty is within her. A woman’s beauty is in her heart. Her beauty is her art.
*My Words, My Canvas*
Friday, November 9, 2012
Three C's
The 3 C's in life ...Choice, chance, change: you must make the choice to take the chance, if you want anything in life to change.
Relationships 2013
Relationships are harder now because conversations become texting, argument becomes phone calls, feeling becomes status messages.
-My Words, My Canvas
-My Words, My Canvas
Thought of the night...
Happiness is the hardest thing to achieve. Even when you have it, some are still unsatisfied.
-My Words, My Canvas
-My Words, My Canvas
Monday, October 29, 2012
Quote of the night
“All men's souls are immortal, but the souls of the righteous are immortal and divine.” Socrates
Saturday, October 13, 2012
I Don't Understand Why...
I hate it when you are talking to someone or a better word would be venting and all they have to say is, "it could be worse" or "there are people out there less fortunate then you." Honestly, I work in a field where I am aware that people have it worse. But dammit can't you just listen to me instead of making me feel guilty? Do you really have to always minimize the problem so you feel better about yourself/ the situation? Why is your problem/situation considered small compared to others? Why are we being compared? Sometime you just have to listen! Don't make others feel bad for venting!
*My Words, My Canvas*
*My Words, My Canvas*
Friday, October 12, 2012
I Honestly Try...
This time it is different. Honestly, I am trying so hard but each time something goes wrong. I am constantly reminded that I am a fuck up. I am told things that make me feel bad. Never have I cried this much. Never have I ever been this depressed. My move to Texas seems like the biggest mistake of my life. Each day has been complete torture. I don't know who I am anymore. I have started to doubt myself, doubt my existence. When I imagined my life at 27 I thought things would be different. I thought I would be happy. Funny today someone said to me, its hard to make you smile. I replied with, my smile has disappeared. He responded with, "I can see that." I can walk around and fake a great smile, but it's hard knowing how hurt you really are on the inside. I try to be strong, I try to fight. I understand it would get worse. But when it's been bad for so long you think to yourself ...man I am ready to give up!
*My Thoughts, My Canvas*
*My Thoughts, My Canvas*
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Heart?
It's weird to block feelings out for so long then one day wake up and begin to feel so intensely. Does that mean I'm beginning to have a heart? Where do I go from here? Will I ever be the same or am I growing up?
*My Words, My Canvas*
*My Words, My Canvas*
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Happiness doesn't last forever...
I had given up on everything. I did not find pleasure in anything. I forgot how to smile, forgot how to have fun. Things that were once important to be did not take precedence anymore. I just did not care. Some would say that is depression. I would say this is the beginning of something bigger and needs attention. I have spoken to a lot of individuals in the past month who at one point in time have felt this way. However, they do not know others feel exactly the way they do. I encourage you to open up because someone, somewhere is going through what you are going through. We just are not brave enough to disclose! For the first time in a long time I laughed last night, I smiled. I didn't have to fake it. It was genuine.
Tips on how to bring the joy back into your life:
1. Learn how to separate work life and home life: When you walk out those doors at 5pm leave your work life there also. No need to take the worries/paperwork home with you. This can become unhealthy.
2. Choose one day, specific time frame for you: On this day you know and your family/significant others know that this day between the time of ___ to ___ you are unavailable. Do something for yourself.
3. During tough economic times it is often hard to engage in certain activities because everything cost money. Find things to do for free! I ask myself, am I really happy?
No, happiness is never permanent. There will be days where I feel like giving up again, there will be days where I am bitter, however I need to strive for happiness.
The next post I will be talking about voids.
*My Words, My Canvas*
Tips on how to bring the joy back into your life:
1. Learn how to separate work life and home life: When you walk out those doors at 5pm leave your work life there also. No need to take the worries/paperwork home with you. This can become unhealthy.
2. Choose one day, specific time frame for you: On this day you know and your family/significant others know that this day between the time of ___ to ___ you are unavailable. Do something for yourself.
3. During tough economic times it is often hard to engage in certain activities because everything cost money. Find things to do for free! I ask myself, am I really happy?
No, happiness is never permanent. There will be days where I feel like giving up again, there will be days where I am bitter, however I need to strive for happiness.
The next post I will be talking about voids.
*My Words, My Canvas*
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Feeling of the night...
I am not dead but I feel dead
I am not lifeless but I feel lifeless
I am not alone but I feel alone
I am not in pain but I feel pain
I am strong but I don't feel strong
I feel nothing, I am nothing.
*My Words, My Canvas*
*My Words, My Canvas*
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Thought before bed...
Do not look forward to what may happen tomorrow; the same everlasting Father who cares for you today will take care of you tomorrow and every day. Either He will shield you from suffering, or He will give you unfailing strength to bear it.
I pray for those who are currently struggling, stressed or weak be given strength to overcome any obstacle placed before them in life.
*My Words, My Canvas*
*My Words, My Canvas*
Friday, August 24, 2012
Thought of the night
Always remember a person who talks to you about others, will also talk to others about you.
*My Words, My Canvas*
*My Words, My Canvas*
Monday, August 6, 2012
Hurt....
People shouldn't say things they don't mean. Don't say you want to get to know someone when you don't. Don't say you wish they were there with you when you don't. Don't say you miss them if its not true. Saying all those things and not meaning it makes you a liar. It's hurtful to know you never ment what you said. Good night world. God bring me a better tomorrow. *My Words, My Canvas*
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Posting After A While....
It has been a while since my last post. A lot has happened and I plan to do a full update soon. However I had a quick thought today. After a month I was contacted by someone I use to talk to. I stopped talking to him due to him being an arrogant douchbag. After talking to him very briefly today I remembered why I stopped talking to him and realized ...once a jerk always a jerk. Follow your instincts. And remember your first decision is the best decision. Things happen for a reason.
*My Words, My Canvas*
*My Words, My Canvas*
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Thought of the Morning...
Words for the younger generation or for those in denial : when a guy says "I'm not a jerk" or "I'm not a doochbag" he is usually lying.
*My Words, My Canvas*
*My Words, My Canvas*
Friday, July 6, 2012
Thought of the Night...
When everything finally is going right, why do I feel so wrong...
*My Words, My Canvas*
*My Words, My Canvas*
Make Time For Each Other!
No matter if you are married, live together, live apart from each other, or you are in a long distance relationship; it is important to make some time for just the two of you. Our days can be filled quickly with the day to day responsibilities of work, family and household duties. Those responsibilities can quickly consume your day and night and before you know it, your free time exists only in your sleep. We can get so tired and worn out from everything else, that by the time you can enjoy each other’s company, all you can do is say goodnight at best. If this scenario gets out of hand, we can lose touch with our loved one and either or both of you will begin to feel neglected, undesired, and even unappreciated. It is at this time our relationship can become susceptible to influences and issues that normally would not have affected you before. At some point it could even get to a serious point of irreparable decline.
One of the most important needs we have as humans is the stimulation we get from other people. Happiness itself is partly derived from the relationships we have with other people. If the person we value the most is unavailable to us, then we can quickly find ourselves slipping into the darkness of unhappiness or even into a gradual depression. The best cure for the blues is to be around someone we enjoy being with, but being around them isn’t all we need, we need their attention. Being in the same room with our partner while they are consumed with work or other things aren’t going to provide us that happiness, it is going to require them to be there in body and mind.
If you have kids, then you have to spend quality time with them so they have their social needs met from their parents. But mom and dad need their own time as well. Both of you should spend time with the children, hopefully together, but then put them to bed at a reasonable time so the two of you can have your time. Make the same devotion to each other as you did in the beginning of the relationship for the benefit of the relationship, yourselves as individuals, and so your children can see what a healthy relationship looks like. We want our children to have the best in life, and be successful, but we can sometimes overlook the fact that they are learning from us not only about life and responsibilities, but also how to have a relationship. When the kids are up and around the two of you, make sure you are nice and loving with each other, so they see how to treat their significant other when they grow up. Let them see you hold hands, and help each other with the household chores. Let them see dad be a gentleman and put mom first. Give them a chance to learn and have a healthy relationship of their own someday. Don’t teach them to yell at their partner and call each other names or stay apart in different rooms.
Some of us have crazy work hours that can keep us from our family and our love. Sometimes we have to work more than one job or long hours at one job, and it can suck the energy right out of us and leave us with little to offer our partner. The bills we have and the responsibility to the family may dictate that we have no choice but to continue this way. While this can be unavoidable sometimes, the two of you still need the stimulation of each other’s company. So no matter how tired you are all the time, or how busy you are, you must make that time for your partner somewhere. This time can be during a lunch, coffee or even a bathroom break to text or call your partner. Even the littlest of efforts can be seen as grand gestures and highly appreciated by the ones we love. Go straight home when you leave work, splash water on your face if you need a little energy and spend even a few minutes with each other talking. Listen to each other so you both feel valued and important. You don’t need to try to solve each other’s issues, in fact most of the time neither of you want or need any input, we just need to be able to talk and have the person we love to care and listen.
If the two of you truly care and value the relationship you have, then both of you can find the time throughout the day and night to dedicate to each other. Phone calls, emails, and text messages should be used whenever that time cannot be spent in direct company of each other. When you can piece together a few minutes or more when you are in each other’s company, then you should grab that opportunity to be together. If your current schedules do not allow for that, then it is time for the two of you to decide what needs to be removed from your schedules to make that time. If you feel that romance and intimacy have left your relationship, then you should start here. The lack of romance or intimacy is a symptom of other issues, and realizing that and working to correct the real issue will allow the two of you to be intimate once again.
Thought of the Morning...
Instead of looking back at what you might have missed out on, look forward to what you can get excited about.
*My Words, My Canvas*
Thursday, July 5, 2012
What A Feeling...
I try to not to get excited
I can't help it
I can be myself
No fears
No restraints
The best feeling
Happiness
Peace
I try not to get excited
I seriously can't help it
*My Words, My Canvas*
I can't help it
I can be myself
No fears
No restraints
The best feeling
Happiness
Peace
I try not to get excited
I seriously can't help it
*My Words, My Canvas*
Monday, June 25, 2012
Melissa Gorga - How Many Times
Best song lyrics!
How many times
Did I feel I was lonely
How many times
Did I feel I couldn't make it
How many times [x3]
Did I turn to you
Whenever I needed
Someone to love me
Whenever I needed
Someone to touch me
How many times [x3]
It was always you
You're my rock
He's my heart
You place me upon a
Pedestal like I was the one
Now I know
Dreams come true
Every night I pray for you
When part of me died
He sent you to me
He knew that you be the right one for me
How many times [x3]
Did I turn to you
How many times
Did I feel I was falling
When I was lost
You heard me calling
How many times [x3]
It was always you
You're my rock
He's my heart
You place me upon a
Pedestal like I was the one
Now I know
Dreams come true
Every night I pray for you
I love you [x3]
I really do
I love you [x3]
I really do
Now I know
Dreams come true
Every night I pray for you
Now I know
Dreams come true
Every night I pray for you
Did I feel I was lonely
How many times
Did I feel I couldn't make it
How many times [x3]
Did I turn to you
Whenever I needed
Someone to love me
Whenever I needed
Someone to touch me
How many times [x3]
It was always you
You're my rock
He's my heart
You place me upon a
Pedestal like I was the one
Now I know
Dreams come true
Every night I pray for you
When part of me died
He sent you to me
He knew that you be the right one for me
How many times [x3]
Did I turn to you
How many times
Did I feel I was falling
When I was lost
You heard me calling
How many times [x3]
It was always you
You're my rock
He's my heart
You place me upon a
Pedestal like I was the one
Now I know
Dreams come true
Every night I pray for you
I love you [x3]
I really do
I love you [x3]
I really do
Now I know
Dreams come true
Every night I pray for you
Now I know
Dreams come true
Every night I pray for you
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Peace within Yourself...
As time passes we all grow and mature. I look back with no regrets but I do look back and think if I have ever hurt anyone intentionally or unintentionally. I personally took the time out today and contacted someone who deserves a long overdue apology. It doesn't matter to me if I ever hear from the person. I do know I made an effort and sent out a genuine apology. I urge you to look back.... Does someone you know deserve to be contacted and made peace with ?
*My Words, My Canvas*
Monday, June 18, 2012
Gods Creation
If god had created us in his image what gives anyone the right to label someone as ugly? Honestly why judge anyone... Look in the mirror and realize what your deficits are and dedicate your time to improving yourself. Don't waste your time labeling others. It's not your job. We are gods creation always remember that.
*My Words, My Canvas*
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Monday, June 11, 2012
Word to the Wise…
I have said it before but assumptions suck! A brief overview
of the origination of this topic.
A friend of mine was going to visit me this month, I was
super excited. Today my friend calls me and tells me that it’s not a good idea
because he isn’t looking for a relationship.
I thought to myself: Wow, wow hold on let’s wait right
there! A relationship?!? Um yeah buddy you have always been nothing more than
just a FRIEND. I was excited that MY FRIEND was going to come visit. Never did
I ever want a relationship with you neither did I think you were type.
In order to develop a relationship you need time and you
need to get to know someone. You cannot jump into a relationship after sporadically
talking every once in a while. I call that an acutance, lucky that I even gave
it a title of friend.
Don’t assume things.
*My Words, My Canvas*
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Story of the Night.
I went out to dinner tonight with a bunch of my close friends and a few I just met the night before. Out of all these people I noticed one in particular who had an issue with me from the moment she met me. Tonight her demeanor was rude throwing low blows. Nothing I couldn't handle. I managed to shut her up. After dinner I was driving home and my friend said, "wow that girl really is unhappy with herself." I asked, "what do you mean." My friend stated, "well just her interaction with you was different then her interaction with everyone else. It seems like she was jealous."
I then realized and this will be my thought of the night....if you don't like who you are CHANGE it don't envy others! I am the way I am because I make an Effort in life. There is enough hate, jealousy, terror, pain and sadness in the world leave out of MY life.
*My Words, My Canvas*
Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Update Over Time...
I have been MIA. A lot has happened and instead of writing a long post on what I've learned during this time, I am going to do a quick reference. What does that mean? Well I'll tell you what went on and what I learned (list style).
1) I finally decided to resign - Lesson Learned: You should always love what you do, and love the environment of where you work. If you do not like the environment (i.e. co-workers) you won't be happy.
2) I've started school again - Lesson Learned: Completing my Ph.D is my dream. Never let anything or anyone hold you back from accomplishing your goals and dreams.
3) Time to relax - Lesson Learned: Self-Care is very important. Often times we get so caught up in making money and being successful in life that we forget to take care of ourselves. Make sure you take an hour a day for yourself.
4) I've been very down - Lesson Learned - If one door closes another one opens. Don't ever give up. Stay positive.
5) My Birthday is on it's way. July 17th =) I'll be 27. I think I will have a big birthday bash. Lesson Learned: This is something I was never able to do. Celebrate yourself! Enjoy life.
*My Words, My Canvas*
1) I finally decided to resign - Lesson Learned: You should always love what you do, and love the environment of where you work. If you do not like the environment (i.e. co-workers) you won't be happy.
2) I've started school again - Lesson Learned: Completing my Ph.D is my dream. Never let anything or anyone hold you back from accomplishing your goals and dreams.
3) Time to relax - Lesson Learned: Self-Care is very important. Often times we get so caught up in making money and being successful in life that we forget to take care of ourselves. Make sure you take an hour a day for yourself.
4) I've been very down - Lesson Learned - If one door closes another one opens. Don't ever give up. Stay positive.
5) My Birthday is on it's way. July 17th =) I'll be 27. I think I will have a big birthday bash. Lesson Learned: This is something I was never able to do. Celebrate yourself! Enjoy life.
*My Words, My Canvas*
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Food For Thought...
Can't Sleep? How Can Something So Simple Be So Difficult?
*My Words, My Canvas*
Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4
Friday, May 18, 2012
The Stages!
The Beginning Stages
When you are just starting a relationship, it is important to:
Build. Build a foundation of appreciation and respect. Focus on all the considerate things your partner says and does. Happy couples make a point of noticing even small opportunities to say "thank you" to their partner, rather than focusing on mistakes their partner has made.
Explore. Explore each other's interests so that you have a long list of things to enjoy together. Try new things together to expand mutual interests.
Establish. Establish a pattern of apologizing if you make a mistake or hurt your partner's feelings. Saying "I'm sorry" may be hard in the moment, but it goes a long way towards healing a rift in a relationship. Your partner will trust you more if he or she knows that you will take responsibility for your words and actions.
As the Months Go By: Important Things to Recognize as Your Relationship Grows
Relationships Change. Changes in life outside your relationship will impact what you want and need from the relationship. Since change is inevitable, welcoming it as an opportunity to enhance the relationship is more fruitful than trying to keep it from happening.
Check in Periodically. Occasionally set aside time to check in with each other on changing expectations and goals. If a couple ignores difficult topics for too long, their relationship is likely to drift into rocky waters without their noticing.
What to Do When Conflict Arises
Disagreements in a relationship are not only normal but, if constructively resolved, actually strengthen the relationship. It is inevitable that there will be times of sadness, tension, or outright anger between you and your partner. The source of these problems may lie in unrealistic/unreasonable demands, unexplored expectations, or unresolved issues/behaviors in one partner or in the relationship. Resolving conflicts requires honesty, a willingness to consider your partner's perspective even if you don't fully understand it, and lots of communication.
Healthy communication is critical, especially when there are important decisions regarding sex, career, marriage, and family to be made. The following are some guidelines for successful communication and conflict resolution.
Understand Each Others' Family Patterns. Find out how conflicts were managed (or not managed) in your partner's family, and talk about how conflict was approached (or avoided) in your own family. It is not unusual for couples to discover that their families had different ways of expressing anger and resolving differences. If your family wasn't good at communicating or resolving conflict constructively, give yourself permission to try out some new ways of handling conflict.
Timing Counts. Contrary to previous notions, the best time to resolve a conflict may not be immediately. It is not unusual for one or both partners to need some time to cool off. This "time-out' period can help you avoid saying or doing hurtful things in the heat of the moment, and can help partners more clearly identify what changes are most important. Remember - if you are angry with your partner but don't know what you want yet, it will be nearly impossible for your partner to figure it out!
Establish an Atmosphere of Emotional Support. Emotional support involves accepting your partner's differences and not insisting that he or she meet your needs only in the precise way that you want them met. Find out how your partner shows his or her love for you, and don't set absolute criteria that require your partner to always behave differently before you're satisfied.
Agree to Disagree and Move On. Most couples will encounter some issues upon which they will never completely agree. Rather than continuing a cycle of repeated fights, agree to disagree and negotiate a compromise or find a way to work around the issue.
Distinguish between things you want versus things you need from your partner. For example, for safety reasons, you might need your partner to remember to pick you up on time after dark. But calling you several times a day may really only be a "want."
Clarify Your Messages. A clear message involves a respectful but direct expression of your wants and needs. Take some time to identify what you really want before talking to your partner. Work on being able to describe your request in clear, observable terms. For example, you might say, "I would like you to hold my hand more often" rather than the vague, "I wish you were more affectionate."
Discuss One Thing at a Time. It can be tempting to list your concerns or grievances, but doing so will likely prolong an argument. Do your best to keep the focus on resolving one concern at a time.
Really Listen. Being a good listener requires the following: (a) don't interrupt, (b) focus on what your partner is saying rather than on formulating your own response, and (c) check out what you heard your partner say. You might start this process with: "I think you are saying..." Or "what I understood you to say was..." This step alone can prevent misunderstandings that might otherwise develop into a fight.
Restrain Yourself. Research has found that couples who "edit" themselves and do not say all the angry things they may be thinking are typically the happiest.
Adopt a "Win-Win" Position. A "win-win" stance means that your goal is for the relationship, rather than for either partner, to "win" in a conflict situation. Ask yourself: "Is what I am about to say (or do) going to increase or decrease the odds that we'll work this problem out?"
Healthy and Problematic Expectations in Relationships
Each of us enters into romantic relationships with ideas about what we want based on family relationships, what we've seen in the media, and our own past relationship experiences. Holding on to unrealistic expectations can cause a relationship to be unsatisfying and to eventually fail. The following will help you to distinguish between healthy and problematic relationship expectations:
Respect Changes. What you want from a relationship in the early months of dating may be quite different from what you want after you have been together for some time. Anticipate that both you and your partner will change over time. Feelings of love and passion change with time, as well.
Respecting and valuing these changes is healthy. Love literally changes brain chemistry for the first months of a relationship. For both physiological and emotional reasons, an established relationship will have a more complex and often richer type of passion than a new relationship.
Accept Differences. It is difficult, but healthy, to accept that there are some things about our partners that will not change over time, no matter how much we want them to. Unfortunately, there is often an expectation that our partner will change only in the ways we want. We may also hold the unrealistic expectation that our partner will never change from the way he or she is now.
Express Wants and Needs. While it is easy to assume that your partner knows your wants and needs, this is often not the case and can be the source of much stress in relationships. A healthier approach is to directly express our needs and wishes to our partner.
Respect Your Partner's Rights. In healthy relationships, there is respect for each partner's right to have her/his own feelings, friends, activities, and opinions. It is unrealistic to expect or demand that that he or she have the same priorities, goals, and interests as you.
Be Prepared to "Fight Fair." Couples who view conflict as a threat to the relationship, and something to be avoided at all costs, often find that accumulated and unaddressed conflicts are the real threat. Healthy couples fight, but they "fight fair" - accepting responsibility for their part in a problem, admitting when they are wrong, and seeking compromise. Additional information about fair fighting can be found here.
Maintain the Relationship. Most of us know that keeping a vehicle moving in the desired direction requires not only regular refueling, but also ongoing maintenance and active corrections to the steering to compensate for changes in the road. A similar situation applies to continuing relationships. While we may work hard to get the relationship started, expecting to cruise without effort or active maintenance typically leads the relationship to stall or crash! Though gifts and getaways are important, it is often the small, nonmaterial things that partners routinely do for each other that keep the relationship satisfying.
Outside Pressures on the Relationship
Differences in Background. Even partners coming from very similar cultural, religious, or economic backgrounds can benefit from discussing their expectations of how a good boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse behaves. What seems obvious or normal to you may surprise your partner, and vice versa. If you are from different backgrounds, be aware that you may need to spend more time and energy to build your relationship. Take the time to learn about your partner's culture or religion, being careful to check out what parts of such information actually fit for your partner.
Time Together and Apart. How much time you spend together and apart is a common relationship concern. If you interpret your partner's time apart from you as, "he or she doesn't care for me as much as I care for him or her," you may be headed for trouble by jumping to conclusions. Check out with your partner what time alone means to him or her, and share your feelings about what you need from the relationship in terms of time together. Demanding what you want, regardless of your partner's needs, usually ends up driving your partner away, so work on reaching a compromise.
Your Partner's Family. For many students, families remain an important source of emotional, if not financial, support during their years at the university. Some people find dealing with their partner's family difficult or frustrating. It can help to take a step back and think about parental good intentions. Families may offer well-intentioned advice about your relationship or your partner. It's important that the two of you discuss and agree on how you want to respond to differing family values and support one another in the face of what can be very intense "suggestions" from family.
Friends. There are some people who seem to believe that "I have to give up all my friends unless my partner likes them as much as I do." Giving up friends is not healthy for you or the relationship, except in circumstances where your friends pressure you to participate in activities that are damaging to yourself and the relationship. At the same time, keep in mind that your partner may not enjoy your friends as much as you do. Negotiate which friends you and your partner spend time with together.
You might ask: "Which of my friends do you enjoy seeing and which ones would you rather I see alone or at other times when I'm not with you?"
Eight Basic Steps to Maintaining a Good Relationship
1. Be aware of what you and your partner want for yourselves and what you want from the relationship.
2. Let one another know what your needs are.
3. Realize that your partner will not be able to meet all your needs. Some of these needs will have to be met outside of the relationship.
4. Be willing to negotiate and compromise on the things you want from one another.
5. Do not demand that a partner change to meet all your expectations. Work to accept the differences between your ideal mate and the real person you are dating.
6. Try to see things from the other's point of view. This doesn't mean that you must agree with one another all the time, but rather that both of you can understand and respect each other's differences, points of view, and separate needs.
7. Where critical differences do exist in your expectations, needs, or opinions, try to work honestly and sincerely to negotiate. Seek professional help early rather than waiting until the situation becomes critical.
8. Do your best to treat your partner in a way that says, "I love you and trust you, and I want to work this out."
When you are just starting a relationship, it is important to:
Build. Build a foundation of appreciation and respect. Focus on all the considerate things your partner says and does. Happy couples make a point of noticing even small opportunities to say "thank you" to their partner, rather than focusing on mistakes their partner has made.
Explore. Explore each other's interests so that you have a long list of things to enjoy together. Try new things together to expand mutual interests.
Establish. Establish a pattern of apologizing if you make a mistake or hurt your partner's feelings. Saying "I'm sorry" may be hard in the moment, but it goes a long way towards healing a rift in a relationship. Your partner will trust you more if he or she knows that you will take responsibility for your words and actions.
As the Months Go By: Important Things to Recognize as Your Relationship Grows
Relationships Change. Changes in life outside your relationship will impact what you want and need from the relationship. Since change is inevitable, welcoming it as an opportunity to enhance the relationship is more fruitful than trying to keep it from happening.
Check in Periodically. Occasionally set aside time to check in with each other on changing expectations and goals. If a couple ignores difficult topics for too long, their relationship is likely to drift into rocky waters without their noticing.
What to Do When Conflict Arises
Disagreements in a relationship are not only normal but, if constructively resolved, actually strengthen the relationship. It is inevitable that there will be times of sadness, tension, or outright anger between you and your partner. The source of these problems may lie in unrealistic/unreasonable demands, unexplored expectations, or unresolved issues/behaviors in one partner or in the relationship. Resolving conflicts requires honesty, a willingness to consider your partner's perspective even if you don't fully understand it, and lots of communication.
Healthy communication is critical, especially when there are important decisions regarding sex, career, marriage, and family to be made. The following are some guidelines for successful communication and conflict resolution.
Understand Each Others' Family Patterns. Find out how conflicts were managed (or not managed) in your partner's family, and talk about how conflict was approached (or avoided) in your own family. It is not unusual for couples to discover that their families had different ways of expressing anger and resolving differences. If your family wasn't good at communicating or resolving conflict constructively, give yourself permission to try out some new ways of handling conflict.
Timing Counts. Contrary to previous notions, the best time to resolve a conflict may not be immediately. It is not unusual for one or both partners to need some time to cool off. This "time-out' period can help you avoid saying or doing hurtful things in the heat of the moment, and can help partners more clearly identify what changes are most important. Remember - if you are angry with your partner but don't know what you want yet, it will be nearly impossible for your partner to figure it out!
Establish an Atmosphere of Emotional Support. Emotional support involves accepting your partner's differences and not insisting that he or she meet your needs only in the precise way that you want them met. Find out how your partner shows his or her love for you, and don't set absolute criteria that require your partner to always behave differently before you're satisfied.
Agree to Disagree and Move On. Most couples will encounter some issues upon which they will never completely agree. Rather than continuing a cycle of repeated fights, agree to disagree and negotiate a compromise or find a way to work around the issue.
Distinguish between things you want versus things you need from your partner. For example, for safety reasons, you might need your partner to remember to pick you up on time after dark. But calling you several times a day may really only be a "want."
Clarify Your Messages. A clear message involves a respectful but direct expression of your wants and needs. Take some time to identify what you really want before talking to your partner. Work on being able to describe your request in clear, observable terms. For example, you might say, "I would like you to hold my hand more often" rather than the vague, "I wish you were more affectionate."
Discuss One Thing at a Time. It can be tempting to list your concerns or grievances, but doing so will likely prolong an argument. Do your best to keep the focus on resolving one concern at a time.
Really Listen. Being a good listener requires the following: (a) don't interrupt, (b) focus on what your partner is saying rather than on formulating your own response, and (c) check out what you heard your partner say. You might start this process with: "I think you are saying..." Or "what I understood you to say was..." This step alone can prevent misunderstandings that might otherwise develop into a fight.
Restrain Yourself. Research has found that couples who "edit" themselves and do not say all the angry things they may be thinking are typically the happiest.
Adopt a "Win-Win" Position. A "win-win" stance means that your goal is for the relationship, rather than for either partner, to "win" in a conflict situation. Ask yourself: "Is what I am about to say (or do) going to increase or decrease the odds that we'll work this problem out?"
Healthy and Problematic Expectations in Relationships
Each of us enters into romantic relationships with ideas about what we want based on family relationships, what we've seen in the media, and our own past relationship experiences. Holding on to unrealistic expectations can cause a relationship to be unsatisfying and to eventually fail. The following will help you to distinguish between healthy and problematic relationship expectations:
Respect Changes. What you want from a relationship in the early months of dating may be quite different from what you want after you have been together for some time. Anticipate that both you and your partner will change over time. Feelings of love and passion change with time, as well.
Respecting and valuing these changes is healthy. Love literally changes brain chemistry for the first months of a relationship. For both physiological and emotional reasons, an established relationship will have a more complex and often richer type of passion than a new relationship.
Accept Differences. It is difficult, but healthy, to accept that there are some things about our partners that will not change over time, no matter how much we want them to. Unfortunately, there is often an expectation that our partner will change only in the ways we want. We may also hold the unrealistic expectation that our partner will never change from the way he or she is now.
Express Wants and Needs. While it is easy to assume that your partner knows your wants and needs, this is often not the case and can be the source of much stress in relationships. A healthier approach is to directly express our needs and wishes to our partner.
Respect Your Partner's Rights. In healthy relationships, there is respect for each partner's right to have her/his own feelings, friends, activities, and opinions. It is unrealistic to expect or demand that that he or she have the same priorities, goals, and interests as you.
Be Prepared to "Fight Fair." Couples who view conflict as a threat to the relationship, and something to be avoided at all costs, often find that accumulated and unaddressed conflicts are the real threat. Healthy couples fight, but they "fight fair" - accepting responsibility for their part in a problem, admitting when they are wrong, and seeking compromise. Additional information about fair fighting can be found here.
Maintain the Relationship. Most of us know that keeping a vehicle moving in the desired direction requires not only regular refueling, but also ongoing maintenance and active corrections to the steering to compensate for changes in the road. A similar situation applies to continuing relationships. While we may work hard to get the relationship started, expecting to cruise without effort or active maintenance typically leads the relationship to stall or crash! Though gifts and getaways are important, it is often the small, nonmaterial things that partners routinely do for each other that keep the relationship satisfying.
Outside Pressures on the Relationship
Differences in Background. Even partners coming from very similar cultural, religious, or economic backgrounds can benefit from discussing their expectations of how a good boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse behaves. What seems obvious or normal to you may surprise your partner, and vice versa. If you are from different backgrounds, be aware that you may need to spend more time and energy to build your relationship. Take the time to learn about your partner's culture or religion, being careful to check out what parts of such information actually fit for your partner.
Time Together and Apart. How much time you spend together and apart is a common relationship concern. If you interpret your partner's time apart from you as, "he or she doesn't care for me as much as I care for him or her," you may be headed for trouble by jumping to conclusions. Check out with your partner what time alone means to him or her, and share your feelings about what you need from the relationship in terms of time together. Demanding what you want, regardless of your partner's needs, usually ends up driving your partner away, so work on reaching a compromise.
Your Partner's Family. For many students, families remain an important source of emotional, if not financial, support during their years at the university. Some people find dealing with their partner's family difficult or frustrating. It can help to take a step back and think about parental good intentions. Families may offer well-intentioned advice about your relationship or your partner. It's important that the two of you discuss and agree on how you want to respond to differing family values and support one another in the face of what can be very intense "suggestions" from family.
Friends. There are some people who seem to believe that "I have to give up all my friends unless my partner likes them as much as I do." Giving up friends is not healthy for you or the relationship, except in circumstances where your friends pressure you to participate in activities that are damaging to yourself and the relationship. At the same time, keep in mind that your partner may not enjoy your friends as much as you do. Negotiate which friends you and your partner spend time with together.
You might ask: "Which of my friends do you enjoy seeing and which ones would you rather I see alone or at other times when I'm not with you?"
Eight Basic Steps to Maintaining a Good Relationship
1. Be aware of what you and your partner want for yourselves and what you want from the relationship.
2. Let one another know what your needs are.
3. Realize that your partner will not be able to meet all your needs. Some of these needs will have to be met outside of the relationship.
4. Be willing to negotiate and compromise on the things you want from one another.
5. Do not demand that a partner change to meet all your expectations. Work to accept the differences between your ideal mate and the real person you are dating.
6. Try to see things from the other's point of view. This doesn't mean that you must agree with one another all the time, but rather that both of you can understand and respect each other's differences, points of view, and separate needs.
7. Where critical differences do exist in your expectations, needs, or opinions, try to work honestly and sincerely to negotiate. Seek professional help early rather than waiting until the situation becomes critical.
8. Do your best to treat your partner in a way that says, "I love you and trust you, and I want to work this out."
Monday, May 14, 2012
Relationships
I found this article very interesting and wanted to share it with my readers:
A healthy relationship is based on two people wanting to be together. Two people who are equally committed to the relationship and making it work. An unequal commitment will likely result in one person feeling trapped or manipulated, and the other person feeling insecure.
By forming a relationship with someone just because they convinced you that you should be with them, you are giving away your power. Being with someone you do not genuinely want to be with, is allowing them to make your choice, even though you know deep down it’s not the right choice for you. That is not the recipe for a healthy relationship, or for happiness.
Alternatively, if you know, or even suspect that your partner is in the relationship because you have persuaded or manipulated them into being with you, you will never feel secure. No matter how good you are at keeping someone with you, if you know on some level that they might rather be elsewhere, your life will be spent fearing the moment they summon the courage to leave.
Knowing that we would be happier in a healthy relationship, what makes us form relationships that are based on such an unhealthy imbalance?
Being persuaded to be in a relationship is a sign that you are not taking responsibility for your own decisions and happiness. You are giving up control over a big part of your life, and allowing others to decide what you should do, even though you know in your heart that this is not what you want.
Sometimes we allow others to control our lives because we are too afraid to take responsibility for our own choices. If I go along with what you want and it doesn’t work out, then it is clearly your fault not mine. But if I am bold, and go for what I really want, and then it fails, that means I have failed.
Sometimes, we have become so used to listening to what other people think we should do, we have forgotten how to listen to our inner voices, or have allowed them to be drowned out. If your choices as a child were criticized as being inappropriate or just plain wrong, you may have accepted the fact that you really don’t know what’s best for you.
This is not true! You are, in fact, the only person who knows what’s best for you. You just need to learn to listen to yourself and drown out the loud voices of others insisting that they know best. If you have been used to going along with what other people think is best for you, making choices for yourself can be daunting. I suggest you start with small decisions first. Try thinking about what you want to eat for dinner, and then expressing that wish loud and clear, instead of your usual ‘whatever you want is fine.’
Once you have mastered the art of expressing your small desires, and feeling the satisfaction of having them met, you can build up to bigger choices.
Slowly developing the ability to think about what you really want, and then going about having it, is a vital skill in creating both happiness and a healthy relationship.
What if the shoe is on the other foot and you are the one who is convincing a reluctant partner to be with you? This type of approach to a relationship is almost always based on fear. We may fear that if we don’t attach ourselves immediately to the first person who comes along and shows a minimal interest in us, then we may ‘end up alone.’
We may also believe that having the upper hand in the relationship, and being the ‘stronger’ partner gives us control. This is untrue. Trying to control another person never gives you control. It is an illusion to think that you can truly control anyone else. The only thing that is really within our control is the way we respond to situations in our lives.
It is doing yourself a great disservice to be with someone who does not wholeheartedly want to be with you or whom you do not wholeheartedly want to be with. You deserve more. You deserve a healthy relationship with someone you really want to be with and who really wants to be with you.
Be patient. There is someone out there who will want to be with you just as much as you will want to be with them!
Source: http://www.choosing-life-my-way.com/healthy-relationship.html
A healthy relationship is based on two people wanting to be together. Two people who are equally committed to the relationship and making it work. An unequal commitment will likely result in one person feeling trapped or manipulated, and the other person feeling insecure.
By forming a relationship with someone just because they convinced you that you should be with them, you are giving away your power. Being with someone you do not genuinely want to be with, is allowing them to make your choice, even though you know deep down it’s not the right choice for you. That is not the recipe for a healthy relationship, or for happiness.
Alternatively, if you know, or even suspect that your partner is in the relationship because you have persuaded or manipulated them into being with you, you will never feel secure. No matter how good you are at keeping someone with you, if you know on some level that they might rather be elsewhere, your life will be spent fearing the moment they summon the courage to leave.
Knowing that we would be happier in a healthy relationship, what makes us form relationships that are based on such an unhealthy imbalance?
Being persuaded to be in a relationship is a sign that you are not taking responsibility for your own decisions and happiness. You are giving up control over a big part of your life, and allowing others to decide what you should do, even though you know in your heart that this is not what you want.
Sometimes we allow others to control our lives because we are too afraid to take responsibility for our own choices. If I go along with what you want and it doesn’t work out, then it is clearly your fault not mine. But if I am bold, and go for what I really want, and then it fails, that means I have failed.
Sometimes, we have become so used to listening to what other people think we should do, we have forgotten how to listen to our inner voices, or have allowed them to be drowned out. If your choices as a child were criticized as being inappropriate or just plain wrong, you may have accepted the fact that you really don’t know what’s best for you.
This is not true! You are, in fact, the only person who knows what’s best for you. You just need to learn to listen to yourself and drown out the loud voices of others insisting that they know best. If you have been used to going along with what other people think is best for you, making choices for yourself can be daunting. I suggest you start with small decisions first. Try thinking about what you want to eat for dinner, and then expressing that wish loud and clear, instead of your usual ‘whatever you want is fine.’
Once you have mastered the art of expressing your small desires, and feeling the satisfaction of having them met, you can build up to bigger choices.
Slowly developing the ability to think about what you really want, and then going about having it, is a vital skill in creating both happiness and a healthy relationship.
What if the shoe is on the other foot and you are the one who is convincing a reluctant partner to be with you? This type of approach to a relationship is almost always based on fear. We may fear that if we don’t attach ourselves immediately to the first person who comes along and shows a minimal interest in us, then we may ‘end up alone.’
We may also believe that having the upper hand in the relationship, and being the ‘stronger’ partner gives us control. This is untrue. Trying to control another person never gives you control. It is an illusion to think that you can truly control anyone else. The only thing that is really within our control is the way we respond to situations in our lives.
It is doing yourself a great disservice to be with someone who does not wholeheartedly want to be with you or whom you do not wholeheartedly want to be with. You deserve more. You deserve a healthy relationship with someone you really want to be with and who really wants to be with you.
Be patient. There is someone out there who will want to be with you just as much as you will want to be with them!
Source: http://www.choosing-life-my-way.com/healthy-relationship.html
Thursday, May 3, 2012
The Science Behind Infatuation
Science Has An Answer For Infatuation!
Research has confirmed the existence of an amphetamine-like chemical which is rapidly activated (like lightning!) when we begin to feel attracted to someone. This chemical is called phenylethylamine (PEA), that famous substance that makes laboratory rats press levers until they drop dead from exhaustion.
Diane Ackerman, author of The Nature of Love and A Natural History of the Senses, describes PEA as a "molecule that speeds up the flow of information between nerve cells", whipping the brain into a frenzy of excitement, sending ordinary attraction into overdrive and providing the assertive oomph! needed to take social risks and overcome any obstacles to mating. We can consider this a well-designed molecule from the point of view of species survival.
But... some other researchers at the New York State Psychiatric Institute claim to have discovered that PEA has a tendency to pave the way for that peculiar contemporary disorder, The Relationship Addiction. They point out that this internally-generated infatuation drug acts a lot like speed. Some people (and a lot of rats) not used to the rush begin to crave it.
In other words, some people are always infatuated, but not necessarily with the same person, and not long enough to develop a relationship that makes them really happy or leads to lasting happiness.
Is this what it means to be A Fool For Love? A Fool for Phenylethylamine? By many indications, once we are pierced by the arrow of attraction, the biologically compelling quality of infatuation insures for many people a helpless emotional state.
Psychology Has An Answer for Infatuation!
Biological models explain a lot about the "how" of infatuation, the mechanism governing the actual phenomenology of love foolishness. The social sciences have a lot to tell us about the "why". Why this particular man, why that woman?
Naturally, Freud would have said that it is all in your head. What else? His most profound contribution to modern thought was to show us the extent to which our behavior, especially our love behavior, is guided by unconscious processes. He might further have emphasized that we are attracted (compelled?) to experience specific relationships in an attempt to meet intimacy needs shaped in our earliest years, with our first love objects: Mom and Dad. (Just the basic meat and potatoes of attraction dynamics, folks!)
Carl Jung popularized the idea that opposites attract, and for very good reasons. He theorized that we are unconsciously drawn to those who exhibit qualities we find lacking - or somehow undeveloped - in our own psyches and that we always seek to complete or balance ourselves somehow through intimate attachments. In the state of infatuation, then, we are pulled like a moth toward the flame we wish to acquire for our permanent warmth.
The Imago Model of Infatuation
Harville Hendrix, author of Keeping the Love You Find: A Guide For Singles, has one of the best explanations I’ve heard for why we tend to fall so heavily and helplessly, if sometimes so briefly, into the infatuated state.
He says we each have in our memory banks a highly individual imprint, a mental construct called an imago, in which the best and worst attributes of our earliest caretakers have been crystallized.
The imago we have of our dream lover is like an intimacy template. It influences and filters our perception so that we are particularly attentive and sensitized to those who match our private patterns. This then accounts for the highly specific nature of our infatuations.
Dr. Hendrix thinks we have something like psychic receptor-sites for certain people who evoke highly idiosyncratic responses in us. He argues - as do many others - that we are unconsciously attracted to people who help us recreate early relationship dynamics in the (also unconscious) hope that things will turn out better and we will have a lot more control this time around.
The perception of strong attraction then acts as an internal signal which flips the PEA switch (remember the infatuation drug?). Apparently, such attraction is relatively involuntary, primitively-driven, and seemingly beyond our control. Just like the drug itself.
Good News/Bad News
The deeper we go into this matter, the more infatuation seems to reflect its dictionary definition as the epitome of foolishness. The experience seems to take conscious choice right out of the picture. When we are infatuated with someone - or something - it is as though we become little love robots, biochemical puppets with no will of our own, without a rational thought in our heads! And what is the stupendous pay-off for what seems to be a love offering of mindless surrender?
Answer truthfully, now: How often have you experienced highly erotic and deeply gratifying love-making with someone with whom you were infatuated? How often has the object of your feverish desire turned out to be as you imagined him or her? How many smoldering, day-dreamed passions have actually burst into flame for you? How many times have you been a Fool For Love only to realize within weeks (if you are lucky) or months that there was no love there, only helpless yearning? How many sunny, companionable days have you actually spent with someone you worshipped and longed to possess? In short, how many times has infatuation worked for you?
The answers to these questions will tell you there is little happiness in infatuation itself, precious little daily satisfaction is possible while we are acting the Fool For Love. That is because the state of infatuation thrives on distance and frustration. It flourishes under difficult circumstances. It is not magnified by consummation and familiarity.
Please note: Infatuation cannot exceed its own expectations. It is the spark and the emotional kindling, not a steady, warming fire. It is an appetizer that makes you anticipate the full banquet. But it will not keep you warm and it will not fill you up.
Infatuation begins as an important emotional signal to point you in the direction of desire and get you moving. But it is not yet love and its impetus will never take the place of thinking about what you want and acting persistently on that intention.
Still and all... there is no reason to throw the baby out with the bathwater!
Transcendental Infatuation
When all is said and done, we will always want to fall in love with the pull of a potent attraction. We will always want to love infatuation and we will always reserve our right to be a Fool For Love. And that is as it should be. Who does not want to feel moved by the thrill of a profound, mysterious attraction that is able to overpower our ego defenses and cause us to open our soul to another with the impetuosity of a child? The state of infatuation is so powerful that we want infatuation to have a meaning beyond that of a chemically-induced trance phenomenon. And that is possible, but with just one little catch.
In order to make certain that infatuation can fulfill its true role in the natural discovery and growth of love, we have to stay semi-conscious and aware of our choices. Only conscious surrender and sustained attachment can make the original spark of infatuation eventually work to our benefit.
Research has confirmed the existence of an amphetamine-like chemical which is rapidly activated (like lightning!) when we begin to feel attracted to someone. This chemical is called phenylethylamine (PEA), that famous substance that makes laboratory rats press levers until they drop dead from exhaustion.
Diane Ackerman, author of The Nature of Love and A Natural History of the Senses, describes PEA as a "molecule that speeds up the flow of information between nerve cells", whipping the brain into a frenzy of excitement, sending ordinary attraction into overdrive and providing the assertive oomph! needed to take social risks and overcome any obstacles to mating. We can consider this a well-designed molecule from the point of view of species survival.
But... some other researchers at the New York State Psychiatric Institute claim to have discovered that PEA has a tendency to pave the way for that peculiar contemporary disorder, The Relationship Addiction. They point out that this internally-generated infatuation drug acts a lot like speed. Some people (and a lot of rats) not used to the rush begin to crave it.
In other words, some people are always infatuated, but not necessarily with the same person, and not long enough to develop a relationship that makes them really happy or leads to lasting happiness.
Is this what it means to be A Fool For Love? A Fool for Phenylethylamine? By many indications, once we are pierced by the arrow of attraction, the biologically compelling quality of infatuation insures for many people a helpless emotional state.
Psychology Has An Answer for Infatuation!
Biological models explain a lot about the "how" of infatuation, the mechanism governing the actual phenomenology of love foolishness. The social sciences have a lot to tell us about the "why". Why this particular man, why that woman?
Naturally, Freud would have said that it is all in your head. What else? His most profound contribution to modern thought was to show us the extent to which our behavior, especially our love behavior, is guided by unconscious processes. He might further have emphasized that we are attracted (compelled?) to experience specific relationships in an attempt to meet intimacy needs shaped in our earliest years, with our first love objects: Mom and Dad. (Just the basic meat and potatoes of attraction dynamics, folks!)
Carl Jung popularized the idea that opposites attract, and for very good reasons. He theorized that we are unconsciously drawn to those who exhibit qualities we find lacking - or somehow undeveloped - in our own psyches and that we always seek to complete or balance ourselves somehow through intimate attachments. In the state of infatuation, then, we are pulled like a moth toward the flame we wish to acquire for our permanent warmth.
The Imago Model of Infatuation
Harville Hendrix, author of Keeping the Love You Find: A Guide For Singles, has one of the best explanations I’ve heard for why we tend to fall so heavily and helplessly, if sometimes so briefly, into the infatuated state.
He says we each have in our memory banks a highly individual imprint, a mental construct called an imago, in which the best and worst attributes of our earliest caretakers have been crystallized.
The imago we have of our dream lover is like an intimacy template. It influences and filters our perception so that we are particularly attentive and sensitized to those who match our private patterns. This then accounts for the highly specific nature of our infatuations.
Dr. Hendrix thinks we have something like psychic receptor-sites for certain people who evoke highly idiosyncratic responses in us. He argues - as do many others - that we are unconsciously attracted to people who help us recreate early relationship dynamics in the (also unconscious) hope that things will turn out better and we will have a lot more control this time around.
The perception of strong attraction then acts as an internal signal which flips the PEA switch (remember the infatuation drug?). Apparently, such attraction is relatively involuntary, primitively-driven, and seemingly beyond our control. Just like the drug itself.
Good News/Bad News
The deeper we go into this matter, the more infatuation seems to reflect its dictionary definition as the epitome of foolishness. The experience seems to take conscious choice right out of the picture. When we are infatuated with someone - or something - it is as though we become little love robots, biochemical puppets with no will of our own, without a rational thought in our heads! And what is the stupendous pay-off for what seems to be a love offering of mindless surrender?
Answer truthfully, now: How often have you experienced highly erotic and deeply gratifying love-making with someone with whom you were infatuated? How often has the object of your feverish desire turned out to be as you imagined him or her? How many smoldering, day-dreamed passions have actually burst into flame for you? How many times have you been a Fool For Love only to realize within weeks (if you are lucky) or months that there was no love there, only helpless yearning? How many sunny, companionable days have you actually spent with someone you worshipped and longed to possess? In short, how many times has infatuation worked for you?
The answers to these questions will tell you there is little happiness in infatuation itself, precious little daily satisfaction is possible while we are acting the Fool For Love. That is because the state of infatuation thrives on distance and frustration. It flourishes under difficult circumstances. It is not magnified by consummation and familiarity.
Please note: Infatuation cannot exceed its own expectations. It is the spark and the emotional kindling, not a steady, warming fire. It is an appetizer that makes you anticipate the full banquet. But it will not keep you warm and it will not fill you up.
Infatuation begins as an important emotional signal to point you in the direction of desire and get you moving. But it is not yet love and its impetus will never take the place of thinking about what you want and acting persistently on that intention.
Still and all... there is no reason to throw the baby out with the bathwater!
Transcendental Infatuation
When all is said and done, we will always want to fall in love with the pull of a potent attraction. We will always want to love infatuation and we will always reserve our right to be a Fool For Love. And that is as it should be. Who does not want to feel moved by the thrill of a profound, mysterious attraction that is able to overpower our ego defenses and cause us to open our soul to another with the impetuosity of a child? The state of infatuation is so powerful that we want infatuation to have a meaning beyond that of a chemically-induced trance phenomenon. And that is possible, but with just one little catch.
In order to make certain that infatuation can fulfill its true role in the natural discovery and growth of love, we have to stay semi-conscious and aware of our choices. Only conscious surrender and sustained attachment can make the original spark of infatuation eventually work to our benefit.
Advise before Bed...
Don't make a decisions before you have a complete understanding of things.
*My Words, My Canvas*
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Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Discharged
Two of my client's were discharged successfully today. I hope and pray that they continue to do well and prosper in life. I will miss one in particular. He had been at the facility for three months when everyone was about to give up on him and send him to another secured facility. I stood up for him and said, "I can work with him." My Director gave me 30 days to turn this kid around. It was hard at times, disappointing and in the end very rewarding. Nine months later ...He left today, successfully. I will miss seeing him.
*My Words, My Canvas*
*My Words, My Canvas*
Rambles at 5am!
Every week it amazes me on what I learn, usually its a life lesson. After each month usually on the first or second of the new month, I sit back and look at the life lesson learned the previous month. I usually don't share these thought however I believe expression is important in a persons life. Last month I realized how quickly a person/situation can change. "Everything can change in a blink of an eye." Let's see what I learn this month let alone this week.
*My Words, My Canvas*
*My Words, My Canvas*
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Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Advise of the day !
God will eventually call you back. Start living life with no regrets. Take chances!
*My Words, My Canvas*
Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4
Monday, April 30, 2012
Interesting Concept
My director said to me today: A relationship is like a coin, Two sides, heads and tails, polar opposites yet still one coin.
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Saturday, April 28, 2012
Monday, April 23, 2012
Stages of Infatuation
Dear Readers,
This is a continuation of the Infatuation segment. I found it interesting that as I was writing my last piece my sister was going through one of the stages of Infatuation.
Infatuation Phase I:
Stricken! The first act in the life of an infatuation is that magic moment when someone suddenly takes on "special" meaning for us. You hear a phrase or a particular inflection in someone’s voice that strikes a chord in your heart. You are struck by the exact tilt of his head. You are warmed by a gaze or an unexpected tenderness. An intriguing remark goes straight to your soul. Or, perhaps from a respectable distance, you notice legs or skin or hair (or a more private physical trait) to die for. Lightning has struck.
Infatuation Phase II:
Intrusive Thinking After the bolt of lightning comes a storm of intrusive thinking about the desired one. Every experience you now have seems interwoven with their qualities, every shared moment weighted with new meaning. When apart from them,you review and relish each moment spent in their presence and ruminate on their flavor. In fact, many infatuation informants report spending 80 to 100 percent of their time compulsively trying to crystallize the vision of their new love,living in vigilant expectation of the next contact.
Infatuation Phase III:
Idealization Early in the intrusive thinking phase, idealization sets in. The erotic sizzle permeates everything and creates that famous halo with which we love to blind ourselves. For a while, the infatuee sees no flaws in the beloved and admits to no blocks to forward progress.
Infatuation Phase IV:
The Emotional Rollercoaster From this high intensity anticipation comes the primary emotional dynamic of infatuation: an exquisite combination of hope and uncertainty which has funded libraries of poetry. At this point, life becomes that famous rollercoaster ride: precious moments of delightful reciprocity (real or imagined) followed by agonizing doubts of ultimate success. Infatuation is now more consciously driven by simple fear. In fact, The Nagging Fear of Not Getting What You Have Begun to Desire is the unique torment reserved for the infatuated elite. This pattern of human experience is as well-documented as any emotional experience has ever been. You can find poignant elaborations on the process incised upon clay tablets, etched in marble, painted on papyrus, fixed in celluloid, playing on the radio, and filtering through the voices all around you. It is a famous and favorite form of anguish. But how can something so uncomfortable be so irresistible?
Tomorrow I will post a brief overview about what the sciences say about Infatuation.
Take care all!
*My Words, My Canvas*
This is a continuation of the Infatuation segment. I found it interesting that as I was writing my last piece my sister was going through one of the stages of Infatuation.
Infatuation Phase I:
Stricken! The first act in the life of an infatuation is that magic moment when someone suddenly takes on "special" meaning for us. You hear a phrase or a particular inflection in someone’s voice that strikes a chord in your heart. You are struck by the exact tilt of his head. You are warmed by a gaze or an unexpected tenderness. An intriguing remark goes straight to your soul. Or, perhaps from a respectable distance, you notice legs or skin or hair (or a more private physical trait) to die for. Lightning has struck.
Infatuation Phase II:
Intrusive Thinking After the bolt of lightning comes a storm of intrusive thinking about the desired one. Every experience you now have seems interwoven with their qualities, every shared moment weighted with new meaning. When apart from them,you review and relish each moment spent in their presence and ruminate on their flavor. In fact, many infatuation informants report spending 80 to 100 percent of their time compulsively trying to crystallize the vision of their new love,living in vigilant expectation of the next contact.
Infatuation Phase III:
Idealization Early in the intrusive thinking phase, idealization sets in. The erotic sizzle permeates everything and creates that famous halo with which we love to blind ourselves. For a while, the infatuee sees no flaws in the beloved and admits to no blocks to forward progress.
Infatuation Phase IV:
The Emotional Rollercoaster From this high intensity anticipation comes the primary emotional dynamic of infatuation: an exquisite combination of hope and uncertainty which has funded libraries of poetry. At this point, life becomes that famous rollercoaster ride: precious moments of delightful reciprocity (real or imagined) followed by agonizing doubts of ultimate success. Infatuation is now more consciously driven by simple fear. In fact, The Nagging Fear of Not Getting What You Have Begun to Desire is the unique torment reserved for the infatuated elite. This pattern of human experience is as well-documented as any emotional experience has ever been. You can find poignant elaborations on the process incised upon clay tablets, etched in marble, painted on papyrus, fixed in celluloid, playing on the radio, and filtering through the voices all around you. It is a famous and favorite form of anguish. But how can something so uncomfortable be so irresistible?
Tomorrow I will post a brief overview about what the sciences say about Infatuation.
Take care all!
*My Words, My Canvas*
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Friday, April 20, 2012
Infatuation
Dear Readers,
Over the next couple of days I will be writing a segment on Infatuation. I experienced this last year and it took me a while to get over it. I believe that Infatuation can consume us and really affect us in negative ways. For example, infatuation with a past relationship can prevent us from moving on in our current relationships.
To provide you a little background information on my circumstance: Last year, after breaking up with the boyfriend around mother’s day I was crushed. I took my time and attempted to get over him but just couldn't do it. I even attempted to go on a couple of dates.
This is an excerpt from one of my diary entries: A few months later and a dozen people later I still don't feel anything. Numb is what I can describe it as. I know I will never find the same connection. Someone who knows what's wrong as soon as they hear you say hello. And wise versa. I know that I will never feel for someone else how I did feel for him. I will never have what I had. I understand these things yet I wish I did have what I had. I wish I could find what I had. I wish what I had, never left. The key word wish doesn't mean anything. Because wishes only come true in Disney movies. I live in the real world. I sat down and read all my diary entries from when I had what I wish I still had and they are full of such joy and love. I never fell out of love with what I had. In the end, it is what it is...life is a bitch. But I still want and pray for what I had. I love him.
Several month after I wrote the blog I received a text from my ex. Without divulging too much information after reading the text I realized that I was never really in love with him at all. His text reminded me all the reasons why I broke up with him in the first place. I was obsessing and infatuated with the connection we had, that no other guy had given me since. I would never give anyone a chance. If I wasn't feeling the connection I would automatically get rid of the guy in less than an hour or a week. I continued to compare that connection to every single guy until a close friend of mine said, "STOP IT! You will never have that same connection ever again! BUT you might find an even better one! You just have to give a person time and be patient!" She then continued to yell at me and stated, “How long did it take you to build that connection?” I said, “Instant” she then stated, “Did the connection get better?” I stated, “Yeah it took 4 months but it grew stronger.” She then stated, “So it still took time right? Give people time!” Let me tell you after being yelled at and also given a reality check I realized I wasn't being fair to the guy(s) or to myself. I was torturing myself!
To all my readers please don’t do what I did. Write off every guy because he wasn’t my ex. If you with someone now be fair to that person and build your relationship. Let it reach greatness. Let it reach that true potential. If you recently broke it off with someone because of your infatuation with the past and have realized it was the wrong decision let that person know you’re sorry and that you still love them. It’s never too late to start over. It would be a tragedy to give up and never start over at all.
Tomorrow I will write a post on the stages of Infatuation.
*My Words, My Canvas*
Over the next couple of days I will be writing a segment on Infatuation. I experienced this last year and it took me a while to get over it. I believe that Infatuation can consume us and really affect us in negative ways. For example, infatuation with a past relationship can prevent us from moving on in our current relationships.
To provide you a little background information on my circumstance: Last year, after breaking up with the boyfriend around mother’s day I was crushed. I took my time and attempted to get over him but just couldn't do it. I even attempted to go on a couple of dates.
This is an excerpt from one of my diary entries: A few months later and a dozen people later I still don't feel anything. Numb is what I can describe it as. I know I will never find the same connection. Someone who knows what's wrong as soon as they hear you say hello. And wise versa. I know that I will never feel for someone else how I did feel for him. I will never have what I had. I understand these things yet I wish I did have what I had. I wish I could find what I had. I wish what I had, never left. The key word wish doesn't mean anything. Because wishes only come true in Disney movies. I live in the real world. I sat down and read all my diary entries from when I had what I wish I still had and they are full of such joy and love. I never fell out of love with what I had. In the end, it is what it is...life is a bitch. But I still want and pray for what I had. I love him.
Several month after I wrote the blog I received a text from my ex. Without divulging too much information after reading the text I realized that I was never really in love with him at all. His text reminded me all the reasons why I broke up with him in the first place. I was obsessing and infatuated with the connection we had, that no other guy had given me since. I would never give anyone a chance. If I wasn't feeling the connection I would automatically get rid of the guy in less than an hour or a week. I continued to compare that connection to every single guy until a close friend of mine said, "STOP IT! You will never have that same connection ever again! BUT you might find an even better one! You just have to give a person time and be patient!" She then continued to yell at me and stated, “How long did it take you to build that connection?” I said, “Instant” she then stated, “Did the connection get better?” I stated, “Yeah it took 4 months but it grew stronger.” She then stated, “So it still took time right? Give people time!” Let me tell you after being yelled at and also given a reality check I realized I wasn't being fair to the guy(s) or to myself. I was torturing myself!
To all my readers please don’t do what I did. Write off every guy because he wasn’t my ex. If you with someone now be fair to that person and build your relationship. Let it reach greatness. Let it reach that true potential. If you recently broke it off with someone because of your infatuation with the past and have realized it was the wrong decision let that person know you’re sorry and that you still love them. It’s never too late to start over. It would be a tragedy to give up and never start over at all.
Tomorrow I will write a post on the stages of Infatuation.
*My Words, My Canvas*
Monday, April 16, 2012
Quote Before Bed...
Nothing hurts more than realizing he meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to him.
*My Words, My Canvas*
*My Words, My Canvas*
Thinking/Typing Out Loud!
1) Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go that makes us stronger.
2) You will never know true happiness until you have truly loved, and you will never understand what pain really is until you have lost it.
3) If your love does not work with that person it just means that someone else loves your more.
4) Some of the biggest challenges in realtionships comes from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: They're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your realtionship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.
*My Words, My Canvas*
Quote of The Day...
So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Advise of The Day...
Never be the second women. Either your first or nothing at all...
*My Words, My Canvas*
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Thought of The Night...
Once you learn what you are meant to learn, you can let it go.
*My Words, My Canvas*
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Saturday, April 14, 2012
Thought of The Night...
I see the door and I'm walking right through it...this is me saying good bye.
*My Words, My Canvas.*
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Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Quote of the Day!
Don’t leave something good to find something better. Once you realise you had the best, the best has found better- Drake
Why So Distant?
I've been branded the 'Advice Queen' among most of my girlfriends and have been faced with this question a few times buy friends of mine. I'm no expert but I do give the best advice I can and have had no complaints...yet.
*sigh* Drama can be too much sometimes right?! ;)*
These are my tips for dealing with a distant boyfriend, what Can I do?
It doesn't matter if you've not been with your guy that long; you might even be married, if you're in the same boat it just may help you too.
TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS, THEY ARE OFTEN BEST, IF SOMETHING DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT, IT OFTEN ISN'T RIGHT AT ALL.
There are a number of reasons a guy can get distant (if you're a girl that has more guy friends than girls or a woman with vast life experience under your belt, you may know this already).
Stress: It could be work related, the pressures of family life, being in a relationship, university deadlines etc.
Avoidance: he may be being distant as a form of avoiding a situation, which has nothing to do with you, but believes he must avoid you in order to avoid that problem because you may force cause or push him to face it.
Fear: perhaps he has noticed how needy he is becoming and he believes this might cause him to lose his independence, he probably likes you so much that it has just dawned on him how much he loves you or is falling in love with you and this might be to much for him. He may also fear the level of commitment or an increase in expectations you may have.
Cheating: yes it is quite possible that he maybe cheating, but being distant isn't the only sign of infidelity. So fret not ladies.
There are a number of things you should and should not do:
NO-NOs
Wasting time worrying, it will do neither of you any favours, and he will sense that you're worrying which will make him even more nervy and cold.
S-Mothering him: he needs your reassurance that he can handle this sitch like a man, he is not a baby, or your child.
Taking it personally: more than often it has nothing to do with you it can be work,friend,family related.
Trying solving it for him: it could put an end to your relationship, if he wanted you to solve he would have said so.
Playing mind games to get what's going on out of him: he will no enjoy it and feel he may not be able to trust him.
Making a big deal out of it, when he does open up and talk.
Mode of Action
Giving him all the space he needs: if it's a freedom, independence fear thing, he'd snap right back to you with time.
Loving the hell out of your man: he needs you now more than ever before.
Staying happy, hence the not worrying or game play to get him to talk.
Reassure him that you trust and believe him. Give him confidence let him know he can handle it.
Stay breezy/chilled out/calm when you're together, if he retires to another room, keep it all happy and smiley where you're at, he'd come out to feel the love. Positive energy is like a yawn.Contagious!
Set up some quiet time between the two of you, no distractions where he feels he can talk and he just might!
Something to Consider
Are you being too needy/demanding/clingy? This can lead to your guy getting a little distant.
Ladies, it's all fixable, just beware it could be the worst case scenario- he's ready to end it and is detaching himself so it won't hurt when he's leaving. It can be rough when your guy gets all cold but it can be handled, as soon as you spot it. Be brave it's never always worst case scenario.
Source: http://satoya.hubpages.com/hub/distant-boyfriend-advice
*sigh* Drama can be too much sometimes right?! ;)*
These are my tips for dealing with a distant boyfriend, what Can I do?
It doesn't matter if you've not been with your guy that long; you might even be married, if you're in the same boat it just may help you too.
TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS, THEY ARE OFTEN BEST, IF SOMETHING DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT, IT OFTEN ISN'T RIGHT AT ALL.
There are a number of reasons a guy can get distant (if you're a girl that has more guy friends than girls or a woman with vast life experience under your belt, you may know this already).
Stress: It could be work related, the pressures of family life, being in a relationship, university deadlines etc.
Avoidance: he may be being distant as a form of avoiding a situation, which has nothing to do with you, but believes he must avoid you in order to avoid that problem because you may force cause or push him to face it.
Fear: perhaps he has noticed how needy he is becoming and he believes this might cause him to lose his independence, he probably likes you so much that it has just dawned on him how much he loves you or is falling in love with you and this might be to much for him. He may also fear the level of commitment or an increase in expectations you may have.
Cheating: yes it is quite possible that he maybe cheating, but being distant isn't the only sign of infidelity. So fret not ladies.
There are a number of things you should and should not do:
NO-NOs
Wasting time worrying, it will do neither of you any favours, and he will sense that you're worrying which will make him even more nervy and cold.
S-Mothering him: he needs your reassurance that he can handle this sitch like a man, he is not a baby, or your child.
Taking it personally: more than often it has nothing to do with you it can be work,friend,family related.
Trying solving it for him: it could put an end to your relationship, if he wanted you to solve he would have said so.
Playing mind games to get what's going on out of him: he will no enjoy it and feel he may not be able to trust him.
Making a big deal out of it, when he does open up and talk.
Mode of Action
Giving him all the space he needs: if it's a freedom, independence fear thing, he'd snap right back to you with time.
Loving the hell out of your man: he needs you now more than ever before.
Staying happy, hence the not worrying or game play to get him to talk.
Reassure him that you trust and believe him. Give him confidence let him know he can handle it.
Stay breezy/chilled out/calm when you're together, if he retires to another room, keep it all happy and smiley where you're at, he'd come out to feel the love. Positive energy is like a yawn.Contagious!
Set up some quiet time between the two of you, no distractions where he feels he can talk and he just might!
Something to Consider
Are you being too needy/demanding/clingy? This can lead to your guy getting a little distant.
Ladies, it's all fixable, just beware it could be the worst case scenario- he's ready to end it and is detaching himself so it won't hurt when he's leaving. It can be rough when your guy gets all cold but it can be handled, as soon as you spot it. Be brave it's never always worst case scenario.
Source: http://satoya.hubpages.com/hub/distant-boyfriend-advice
Thought of The Night!
Don't let other people influence or affect your thoughts and feelings. Be your own person and follow your heart!
*My Words, My Canvas*
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Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Thought of The Day!
As people we tend to worry about the things that don’t matter and forget about the things that do. Enjoy your life to the fullest because you never know when it’s going to end. So smile more, love more and enjoy more. Dueling on things just ruins your life. Being mad or upset with others for things they have done is just a waste of your energy. You can’t change the past or the mistakes. You can only change your future.
*My Words, My Canvas*
*My Words, My Canvas*
Monday, February 27, 2012
Thought of The Day!
Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it ...it really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more - Erica Jong
Sunday, February 26, 2012
To Be Human...
Many of us have forgotten how to be Human. I would have to say, you should never forget.
It is important to remember why we need to be humble, never spiteful, remember that we do have a conscience, be kind, be prudent. Be generous, be respectful, never ugly, control you ego, sacrifice for those you care for. Life isn't a game. Focus on the positive instead of the negative. Look at how much you have instead of how much you want or don't have. Remember that things could be worse. Be thankful for good health and happiness. Be thankful for waking up to another day.
Remember to view the world in the past, present and future. This ability allows us to learn from our past mistakes, progress in the present and imagine the future.
*My Words, My Canvas*
It is important to remember why we need to be humble, never spiteful, remember that we do have a conscience, be kind, be prudent. Be generous, be respectful, never ugly, control you ego, sacrifice for those you care for. Life isn't a game. Focus on the positive instead of the negative. Look at how much you have instead of how much you want or don't have. Remember that things could be worse. Be thankful for good health and happiness. Be thankful for waking up to another day.
Remember to view the world in the past, present and future. This ability allows us to learn from our past mistakes, progress in the present and imagine the future.
*My Words, My Canvas*
Love Is...
Love is patient and kind, it is never jealous, love is never boastful or conceited, it is never rude or selfish, it does not take offence, nor is it resentful. Love takes no pleasure in others’ sins but delights in the truth; it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes. Love does not come to an end. There are three things that last, faith, hope and love and the greatest of these is love.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Wake Up Call
We often ask for a sign however when we get one we might ignore it. I am ignoring it and I am aware of it. Why can't I pull away when I know its headed for danger or failure...I guess that's why I always learn the hard way.
*My Words, My Canvas*
*My Words, My Canvas*
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
What's Wrong With Me?!?
Recently I found out some news that was quite disturbing. This problem has been going on for 5 years and I was misdiagnosed. Recently, I contacted a specialist in the state of Florida and sent my MRI's and reports in. The specialist says three things are wrong with me: spinal stenosis, forminal narroring, and bulge/herniation. If untreated I can possibly be paralyzed. I have been down (sad and numb) since. The procedure cost + $20,000 and that I do not have.
My request from my readers is that if you believe, if you have faith and if you pray please keep me in yours, so I don't get to that point. I am hoping for a miracle.
*My Words, My Canvas*
My request from my readers is that if you believe, if you have faith and if you pray please keep me in yours, so I don't get to that point. I am hoping for a miracle.
*My Words, My Canvas*
Random Thought for the Night
Although 12 hours of my day was spent at work. Having a Valentine Lunch with my girly friends was amazing, the only thing that was missing was my family.
Whether your single or taken ...try to appreciate the little things.
*My Words, My Canvas*
Whether your single or taken ...try to appreciate the little things.
*My Words, My Canvas*
Happy Valentines Day!
I want to wish each and every one of you a very happy Valentine’s day! Whether you’re spending it with a love one, your family or your friends, it’s a time to show how much you love and appreciate the people in your life and I hope you all have an amazing day filled with love and laughter!!
Food for thought:
She said: Happy Valentines Day!!
He said: That Hallmark holiday means nothing to me
She said: Well it means something to me....
If he doesn't care about how to feel, why should you?
*My Words, My Canvas*
Food for thought:
She said: Happy Valentines Day!!
He said: That Hallmark holiday means nothing to me
She said: Well it means something to me....
If he doesn't care about how to feel, why should you?
*My Words, My Canvas*
In The Waiting Line
Wait in line
'Till your time
Ticking clock
Everyone stop
Everyone's saying different things to me
Different things to me
Nine to five
Living lies
Everyday
Stealing time
Everyone's taking everything they can
Everything they can
Do you believe
In what you feel
It doesn't seem to be anybody else who agrees with me
Ah and I'll shout and I'll scream
But I'd rather not have seen
And I'll hide away for another day
Do you believe
In what you see
Motionless wheel
Nothing is real
Wasting my time
In the waiting line
Do you believe
In what you see
Everyone's saying different things to me
Different things to me
Everyone's taking everything they can
Everything they can
'Till your time
Ticking clock
Everyone stop
Everyone's saying different things to me
Different things to me
Nine to five
Living lies
Everyday
Stealing time
Everyone's taking everything they can
Everything they can
Do you believe
In what you feel
It doesn't seem to be anybody else who agrees with me
Ah and I'll shout and I'll scream
But I'd rather not have seen
And I'll hide away for another day
Do you believe
In what you see
Motionless wheel
Nothing is real
Wasting my time
In the waiting line
Do you believe
In what you see
Everyone's saying different things to me
Different things to me
Everyone's taking everything they can
Everything they can
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
2012 and a Warm Thank You!
Dear reader,
First off I would like to wish you a happy new year. I wish you all the very best this year. Also if you believe the world is ending here is some advice:
1) Try something new
2) Don't have any regrets
3) For all the Virgins ...go get laid.
For those who do not believe the world is ending ...try and make this year better than your last.
I love my readers!
Thank you for the support, encouraging emails and comments (for those who leave them on the blog). I hope that this year I can write motivational pieces and step away from the short blurbs I have been doing for the past 6 or so months. Also, if you all have a topic in mind that you would like me to write on please do not hesitate to email me or leave a comment.
*My Words, My Canvas*
First off I would like to wish you a happy new year. I wish you all the very best this year. Also if you believe the world is ending here is some advice:
1) Try something new
2) Don't have any regrets
3) For all the Virgins ...go get laid.
For those who do not believe the world is ending ...try and make this year better than your last.
I love my readers!
Thank you for the support, encouraging emails and comments (for those who leave them on the blog). I hope that this year I can write motivational pieces and step away from the short blurbs I have been doing for the past 6 or so months. Also, if you all have a topic in mind that you would like me to write on please do not hesitate to email me or leave a comment.
*My Words, My Canvas*
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