Lean On Me...

When do we start relying on others to help us with daily living skills? Well, not just helping with that. How about when we ask for favors such as, “hey can you pick up my dry cleaning on the way home?” When does this transition start to form within us?

I believe this is initiated by others and taught to individuals at a very young age. Remember day care? If none of you have been to day care how about pre-school? There is a period of time allocated just for, “clean up time.” The person will instruct children to help clean. Do any of you remember this song? “Clean up; clean up, everybody clean up.” The teacher is relying on these kids to help make their day easier by getting that cleaning done. Along the way, the children are learning three things. One to follow instructions, two clean up after yourself, and thirdly it is ok to rely on other people to do things for you.

How about an injury that causes you to require help from someone else? How does it feel to rely on someone else to do things for you? What if they way they do it isn’t satisfactory to how you would do things. Well, it’s the thought that counts right?

I can pick at the little things such as asking a family member to grab you a soda, glass of water, help fold those irritating clothes that are still sitting in the dryer. When did we start becoming so dependent on other people to help us complete tasks? Why ward off these tasks to other people when they are meant to be accomplished by us? When do you say, “No, I can do this on my own.”

No matter how independent we think we are, or say we are, we will always rely on other people for one thing or the other. Even if it’s standing in line at Starbucks waiting on, relying on that individual to make your coffee, latte, or even grab that bagel for you.

This point of this post is just to create awareness for you who are reading this blog.

*My Words, My Canvas*

It's free!!

The best things in life are free. Excuse me! Nothing is free! Not even relationships.

Think about this scenario: You find someone interesting. You ask them out and just for the sake of this scenario we will say that the person said, “Yes.” You take them out, maybe to eat at a restaurant. In the end for all the guys out there you do spend money on that person when you pay the bill. However, if you both split the bill, hey you still spent that money right?

Scenario no. 2: Let’s say you do not go out and eat, maybe you meet up somewhere. For this example we are going to make the location a park. Even though you do not have to spend money at the park, you sure do have to spend money to get there. Ask me how? Well silly people, the gas that it takes you to travel from point A to point B.

Let’s not talk about relationships. Let us talk about free samples? No, wait even better how about we talk about, “the best things.” Seriously what does that even mean? I truly believe that, “the best things” has a different interpretation from individual to individual. What I think is the best, is not necessarily what other people think is, “the best thing.”

How about having a child for the first time is that the best thing? Yes? No? If it is the best thing um it isn’t free. Well after you see the hospital bills, the money spent on formula, diapers, school supplies, clothes, high school, and college etc. Yeah that does add up.

Oh I have a good one, “waking up next to you every morning is the best thing.” And it’s free. No ladies and gentleman it isn’t free at all. You paid for “the best” by basically taming the mountain tiger (the girl or guy) into a sleeping bag by sacrificing and spending money on that person. Can a relationship really work without money?

Something to think about: Will your arms keep your spouse warm at night if you have no shelter. Will your love fill your spouse’s stomach when you have nothing to eat?

Let us back track to where I stated, “Waking up to you every morning is the best thing.” Let us analyze this. You wake up next to this person: the bed you are sleeping on = $, where you live with this person = $, additionally you have to compromise every day to make your partner happy. I think it is especially important if your partner is a woman. If you want her happy in the morning, it is important that she wakes up to something amazing (e.g. kind words, presents, and unconditional love) with the addition of sex.

Finally I want to come to my point. I mentioned a few things earlier and I would like to quickly touch on them in this section. “The best things in life are free.” What is free? Kind words, unconditional love, support, and being genuine.

Brief list of things individuals think are free:
Free samples – in the end you are pressured to purchase, if you do not purchase and run out of the sample you are shit out of luck.
Gifts – you have to gift the person back when it’s their birthday etc.

*My Words, My Canvas*

Times Up ...You're Out

You truly are alone in this world when you are going through something (e.g. surgery) and you have no one who cares enough to wish you good luck. I find it sad. On the other hand, do we really need people in our lives to say something simple as, "good luck." Life has been so busy that friends have felt ignored and have stop communicating. Is having a career bad? Or is having a career that forces you to neglect those who care worth it? All that money you spent on education, all those sleepless nights spent studying, would you give up a little bit of time in your important career to keep those individuals in your life who will say, "hey good luck!" Can there be balance? What is life without balance? In my opinion after working a 24 hour a week job with a two hour commute one way, also working a 40 hour job a week with an hour commute one way really drains you. All you have time to do is work out and when the clock hits 8pm your passed out. what ever happened to those friends where after not communicating for let's say a month, you can pick up the phone and start where you left off? Why is there a unwritten law that says, "keep in touch or else you are not my friend."

Personally, ill get back to you when I can. Just because I don't reply right away it is not because I do not want to talk to you. I am busy, I am tired, I want to be alone. But I will get back to you.

*My Words, My Canvas*

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I Will Be Heard...

I always thought speaking up was a good thing. I mean how can it be such a bad thing? Am I so wrong to voice my opinions, my thoughts, and my feelings? Am I so wrong to say something when I think you are out of line? Am I so wrong to tell the waiter/waitress that my soup is cold or my coke is flat? Am I so wrong to get angry when a car does not stop at his stop sign and almost causes a huge accident that could have been avoided if he/she would just have followed the rules? What would have happened? He/she might have to wait three seconds or less for someone to pass and be three more seconds late to pick up the prostitute on the corner so he can finally pay to get laid.

I know you shouldn’t say things when you’re angry but I am furious. Very furious. I have this vain popping out in the middle of my forehead and it just won’t go away. I know it’s not a pretty picture.

It is frustrating when you find out that the person you thought knew you well and have known each other for over 15 years gets mad at you for speaking up. Seriously, did you think I wasn’t going to say anything? Through all those years, when have I not spoken up? It is how I am. I will speak up. I will speak up when you and I are walking down the street and a car is recklessly backing up and half an inch from you. I will speak up when our lives are in danger. I will speak up if I disagree. I will speak up if I cannot hear you. I will speak up if I am not feeling well. I will speak up when you give me a reason not to trust you.

People are not mind readers, I WILL SPEAK UP, I WILL BE HEARD, whether you like it or not. If you don’t like it, then please get the fuck out of my life. I DO NOT PLAN ON CHANGING.

*My Words, My Canvas*

10 Things...

Repeat your sentences in your head before you verbalize it. Simply because I will call you on it. Especially if you already irritate me and the level of my respect towards you staggers from zero to intolerant.

My Pet Peeves:
1. Stupid comments – yes there are such things and no I refuse to subscribe to the saying that there are no such things as stupid comments and/or questions.

2. Placing on hold – No you can’t call me and say “Let me put you on hold to pick up the other line.” I will hang up on you. My time is important to me. So don’t waste it.

3. Shallow - Get over yourself. Your skin will eventually sag one day.

4. Better than… – No, you are not better than 100% of the human population.

5. When I am around you I need attention – If I don't get it, trust me I can easily find someone else who will give me the attention I deserve.

6. Promises…. – when you make a promise. KEEP it!

7. One upper – Fuck you and your better story. I am telling you mine and I need to be heard. You can show off when the spot light is on you. Right now it’s my turn

8. Last second – Let me clarify something….I am not Option B. I have never been secondary nor will I ever be a back up plan.

9. Liars - Just tell the truth, why even waste your time by thinking of one? Grow some balls, tell it how it is.

10. Excuse me, what? - Seriously, nothing is more irritating then someone who does not listen and pretends that they were. Then they say something completely off topic. Start paying attention to words, or else leave me the fuck alone!

*My Words, My Canvas*

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And Beauty Was Her Name...

Dialogue:
Person one: Wow, look at her! I wish I could be that pretty.
Person two: Look again oh grasshopper, her beauty just appears on the outside. She lacks the beauty within.

The point: Beauty is more then just a pretty face. Beauty is a package of personality, values, character, brains, and respect for your self but most important for others. I believe that no one in this world should have the nerve to label others as pretty or ugly. Each of us has something very different and unique attached to ourselves. Find it, don't diminish it.

*My Words, My Canvas*

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Unimportance

I absolutely hate that feeling. You know feelings of unimportance. The feeling is very broad and can be applied to many different situations. Most of us do not care about the feelings of unimportance when applied to certain situation, for example: meeting strangers. The situation I would like to pick on for the blog topic today is, when you are on the phone with another person and they are pre-occupied with other things. The person keeps saying, “sorry I was _____ what did you say?” Honestly people, if you are busy then just tell the person, “hey I am busy right now, do you mind or can I call you back later?” On the other hand, yes there are those individuals who enjoy it when the other person on the line is engaged in another activity besides talking to them. They find it entertaining. To each their own. It never really bothered me. In fact I use to do that to people when I was on the phone. It irritated them and I did not understand why. Now as I grow, develop, learn, and get older I understand what they were experiencing and going through when I was doing that. It is rude and does not validate an individual. It is frustrating. I would like to keep this short and brief. I cannot go on about this topic for long.

In closing: Stop, say your busy, talk later!

Thank you!
*My Words, My Canvas*

Paths

There is a lot going through my mind, I cannot help but take time out from my slumber to get my words down tonight.

There comes a point in our lives where we one day have to say, "stop this is not the right path for me." I've finally come to realization that because of the recent events that have occurred in my life, have influenced me to take the wrong steps in life.

The feeling was great while it lasted, but slowly I felt it disappear from the other side. Maybe its just my imagination, but my instincts have never been wrong before, and I don't think they will let me down this time. If indeed my instinct is wrong and the path that feels wrong is the right path, I sure do hope that while on this journey a few side markers would show up letting me know I'll be okay.

Is a little reassurance good or bad? I think everything is great in limitation ...but someone like myself never needs neither has needed that reassurance. I don't plan on starting now. Then why ask for side markers? Isn't that a type of reassurance that tells a person that they are traveling on the correct path?

I don't have an answer, but one day I will. We don't always have the answer to questions right away. It's a process that us interpersonal/interpersonal minds love to go through.

For now, at this current moment those side markers are a symbol. My own personal symbols. Each one says, "K your doing alright, now get to the next side marker."

For those who are extremely confused about this blog, its ok. Not everyone will understand my babble tonight. For those who understood my words, now can somewhat understand me, but not fully.

*My Words, My Canvas*

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Wish...

If I had one wish, I would want to be a robot so I can't feel emotions. Or I can go back to being that cold hearted bitch I used to be. Since this isn't a Disney movie and wishes never come true, I choose option number two.

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Shut Up and Kiss Me!

There are many different kissing styles. Individuals do not realize that, nobody does it the same. Kissing styles add “flavor” to every relationship and reveal more than we think. At one point in time we have all experienced the soft but electric kiss, the hard kiss of passion, the kiss where you take in each other’s breath, and the gentle bite on the lip from someone begging to be “rode hard.” The differences are important, because they can tell you about your relationship. The mushy kiss, the quick peck, the sloppy kiss, the rigid tongued kiss, the smothering kiss, and the impatient kiss. What do all these type of kiss actually mean?

Well, the mushy kiss is usually limp and lacks passion and eroticism. The quick peck is often given when an individual is in a hurry; the sloppy kiss triggers anger rather than desire, the rigid tonged kiss classifies your partner as a mechanical lover, the smothering kiss means that he or she rekindles childhood fears of an intrusive parent, and finally the impatient kiss implies your partner is preoccupied with more important things.

Another important aspect of kissing individuals should pay attention to is hand placement. Where are your partner’s (or your) hands? Do you gently touch each other’s face while kissing? Does your hand softly stroke the back of your partner’s neck? Often couples do not put effort into this. They do not stop and ask there partner what they like and do not like. Do not ignore the little things because they are all a part of an elusive language.

Kissing reveals more than we realize, it reflects intimacy, sex, love, and our personal history. Even a simple kiss can keep that passion alive.

*My Words, My Canvas*

Keep Your Options Open Little Timmy

“Always keep your options open,” I would often find myself saying that line to teens/friends that would come to me for relationship advice. The reason why I would give this piece of advice to people is because of the simple fact that I was a firm believer in that motto.

You are taught at a very young age to, “Keep your options open.” You might be wondering when this has happened? I will give you an example, you have received your SAT score and are getting ready to apply to colleges. Your parents and or counselor says, pick at least three school's, one being the one you can’t get into, second the one you want to get into, and third the one you can get into. Another example I want to share, when you are applying for a job, “keep your options open,” do not apply just to one place, apply to many, interview, the more the better.

When does this motto apply to relationships? Is it when you are single and just dating? Or when your single, speaking to someone you potentially can see yourself with but aren’t sure? Or do you keep your options open when you’re just tired of the person you are with and need a backup? For those of you who do not know what a backup is, the best way I can explain it, when you need someone to fall back on when your number one pick doesn’t work out there is always number two.

My next question is when does the “keep your options open” motto end? Is there an age limit that applies? As you get older does this change? Personally, I think this does change as you get older. As you grow and seek higher education, your field tends to get narrower. You only then start to apply to jobs where you have specialized in. You keep your options open, meaning, you apply to different places where you specialization can be put to work.

As I get older, when it comes to speaking to someone I am genuinely interested in I do not, will not, and refuse to keep my options open. Trust me, I was never like this. Overtime, you slowly realize that after dating “the wrong ones” for so long your list of requirements, your wants become narrower. And when you find someone who meets the requirements on that narrow list of yours, you do not want to waste your time going through wrong ones, when you have the right one. When someone has my interest I will stop communicating with the “maybes,” I will get rid of them and also I would not use any social networking sites (dating sites). I want to and will give 100%.

Call it dumb or whatever you want, overtime, you might understand my perspective. If you do not understand it right now, you don’t have to agree with me ...because after all this is:

*My Words, My Canvas*

Charlie I HATE you!!

I don’t know why I’m writing about charley horses – but tonight these Charlie horse symptoms have woken me up a total of three time. Oh the pain, I don't think I've experienced such a feeling before.

At any rate, I have decided to share my knowledge and, unfortunately, vast experiences about charley horses with the entire world in an effort to help people all over the globe to relieve, reduce and hopefully – eliminate - the nagging ailment. 

A charley horse is an uncontrolled contraction of the muscle and produces a sharp pain that can many times, be very intense. Muscle cramps most often occur in the calf or foot, but they can also develop in other areas of the body, such as the hamstrings or back. Muscle cramps usually happen while playing sports or exercising – or, lying in bed. Overuse of muscles, injuries, muscle strains, or even staying in the same position for a long period of time can produce cramping of this nature. 

Nighttime calf or hamstring cramps (my problem) usually strike a person when in bed – and these cramps can many times be the most painful. It is possible that the day's activities such as a tough workout, wearing high heels, or taking medication like diuretics may spark the cramping. Another thing that can cause instantaneous cramping is pointing the toes sharply. 

Cramps during exercising can be brought on by a number of factors. Dehydration or sweating too much can create an imbalance in electrolytes (potassium and sodium) in the blood and overexertion or muscle fatigue, are common causes as well. 

For relief of a muscle cramp that has already begun, try any of the following: 

Stretch the muscle by straightening the leg and flex your foot upward.

Massage the muscle to relax it and apply a cold pack to reduce the blood flow and relax the muscle. Another good cure for a muscle cramp is to take a hot bath or use a heating pad for relief.

In addition, here are some practical ways to prevent muscle cramps. 

Always do several stretching exercises before and after workouts and keep your body hydrated by drinking plenty of water. 

If a cramp occurs while working out, drink either water or some sort of sports drink immediately. Remember, do not over-fatigue muscles and do not point your toes while stretching or sleeping. These sensible solutions can help both, prevent a muscle cramp or help to alleviate the pain that occurs from one quicker. Trust me, I know, although I wish I didn’t. 

Stay Hydrated 
No one really knows how muscle cramping and dehydration are related, but it is known that dehydration can be a precursor to leg cramps. Recommendations call for at least three full glasses of water each day, including one before bedtime. Of course, you should also drink plenty of fluids before, during, and after exercising or competing.
 
Stretch Regularly 
It is a known fact that stretching regularly can relax muscle fibers. I was always taught as a youth by my father, reknowned track and field coach, George “Papa Bear” Williams, that stretching, especially post-competition stretching, was the best way to prevent cramps and relax muscles. 

Train in moderation 
The idea of any exercising regimen is to gradually climb up Mt. Everest, not try to conquer it in one day. Sudden changes, or more importantly - increases -in athletic activities can easily cause muscle cramps in the legs.

Now on to the good part - how do you make a charley horse or muscle cramp go away? 

Well, after the initial shock – and pain – that usually makes people either grab their leg and writhe in pain or try to massage it out, the best remedy of all is to try and stretch the muscle. This of course, has to be done very gently. After relaxing the muscle, a good warm bath or shower is always a good way to relax the muscle, however, I prefer sitting as opposed to standing – especially for a leg injury. Obviously, if cramps become a persistent and recurring problem, you should immediately go to be evaluated by your doctor. 
Many times, electrolyte imbalances in the body can cause cramping so your physician may want to take some blood to analyzed that the levels of potassium and other electrolytes are normal. There are also multiple muscle-relaxing medications that can be prescribed if the muscle cramping is a chronic problem, particularly at night. 

So there you have it all about charley horses and muscle cramps.

*My Words, My Canvas*

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Intimacy and Desire

Intimacy and Desire is a unique understanding of the way marital impasses are a natural path to relationship growth. The sexual desire everyone wants has nothing to do with hormones and sex drive, because we want to be wanted and chosen (not just needed), which only comes from your partner’s heart and mind, and ability to want. For some, and for various reasons, sexual passion and relationship intimacy may weaken over time.

A major problem in dealing with sexual desire issues: Typically the partner with low or no desire feels defective and withholding, and the high desire partner takes it personally. But Intimacy & Desire starts off showing how the low-desire partner always controls sex, whether they know it or like it or not. For example: The low-desire partner controls sex, when the high-desire partner says, let's have sex, and the low-desire partner says, well, I don’t feel like it, and the high-desire partner says, well, you don't love me, that's the end of sex.

Why and how did humans evolve this way? Desire became entwined with humankind’s emerging “self” millions of years ago, which makes human sexual desire absolutely unique.

There are four points I would like to bring up that add balance to intimacy and desire in a relationship.
1. Personal growth
2. Lasting desire,
3. Hot sex
4. Profound intimacy (i.e., “sex worth wanting”).
These four points are the cause, solution, and outcome of sexual desire problems.
Your personal history fits into any love relationships. In a love relationship, you confront your partner and talk about who you really are; you talk about your desire, problems from your past, and times where your life changed entirely because of a love relationship. Points of balance are always involved.

To improve your desire, intimacy, relationship, and change your mind—for those struggling with intimacy and desire try, “Hugging till Relaxed.” This is a therapeutic technique where you hug your partner until you feel comfortable enough to let go. Hug your partner for 30 seconds. This is a journey of sexual desire; self-exploration and personal development to better intimacy and desire delivers between you and your partner. By increasing your intimacy and desire you are creating a more meaningful relationship.

*My Words, My Canvas*

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Extraverted, Sensing, Thinking, Perceiving

ESTP Relationships
ESTPs are gregarious and fun-loving individuals who want to make the most of every moment. They love action, and always seem to be doing something. This enthusiasm is carried over to their personal relationships, which they approach with the desire to make the most of their relationships on a daily basis. They tend to get bored easily, and may be prone to switching relationships frequently unless they find an outlet for their boredom elsewhere. They approach life on a day-by-day basis, so long-term commitments are not naturally comfortable
for the ESTP. They may feel tremendously committed, but they want to take their commitments day by day.

ESTP Strengths
Can be quite charming
Witty, clever, and popular
Earthy and sensual
Not personally threatened by conflict or criticism
Excellent and clear-headed dealing with emergency situations
Enthusiastic and fun-loving, they try to make everything enjoyable
As "big kids" themselves, they're eager, willing and able to spend time with their kids
Likely to enjoy lavishing their loved ones with big gifts (both a strength and a weakness).

ESTP Weaknesses
Not naturally in tune with what others are feeling
Not naturally good at expressing feelings and emotions
May inadvertantly hurt others with insensitive language
May be very good with money, but highly risky with it as well
Living in the present, they're not usually good long-range planners
May fall into the habit of ignoring conflict, rather than solving it
Don't naturally make lifelong commitments - they take things one day at a time
Prone to get bored easily
More likely than other type to leave relationships quickly when they get bored
Likely to enjoy lavishing their loved ones with big gifts (both a strength and a weakness)

ESTPs as Lovers
"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as
the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to
joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before." -- Rollo May

ESTPs are enthusiastic and friendly people who approach everything in a Big way. They can be extremely charming, especially in the beginning of a relationship. They're also quite generous, and known for "sweeping their partners off their feet". They're very sensual and earthy, and are usually live fast-paced lives where their focus is on the present moment. They bring a lot of fun and energy into their personal relationships.

Commitment is not a strong point for the ESTP. Living almost entirely in the present moment, they're not comfortable with making plans far in advance for their future. If this tendency is not addressed in the ESTP, they may fall into a pattern of jumping from relationship to relationship without ever making a real commitment. If this is okay with the ESTP, then that behavior is fine. Most people at some point in their lives do wish to settle down. If the ESTP reaches that point, there's no reason they can't make a commitment as long as they consciously renew it to themselves daily.

Sexually, the ESTP approaches intimacy as a tangible, fun way to make the most of the relationship in the present moment. They're keenly aware of their senses, and so are very sensual and earthy lovers. They are likely to view intimacy from a lighter, physical perspective rather than as an opportunity for expressing a lot of verbal affection and affirmation. If partnered with someone who has the Feeling preference, they should consciously make the effort to sometimes verbally
express affection during intimacy.

ESTP's are not naturally in tune with what others are feeling, and may lack in the areas of giving affirmation, gratitude, and support to their partners. They tend to believe that actions speak louder than words, and so don't understand the need to say things which should be obvious. Types with the Feeling preference require positive feedback in a way that ESTPs don't. The best gift that the ESTP partner can give to their Feeling mate is often the expression of their love.

Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, ESTP's natural partner is the
ISFJ (Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging), or the ISTJ (Introverted Sensing Thinking Judging). ESTP's dominant function of Extraverted Sensing is best matched with a personality type that is dominated by Introverted Sensing.How did we arrive at
this?

ESTPs as Parents
"You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth...

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness; For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable." -- Kahlil Gibran

There is a little bit of kid in every grown-up ESTP, so they're
likely to really enjoy spending time "playing" with their children. The ESTP's goal with regards to parenthood is usually not structured or organized. They tend to take things as they come, and teach their kids what seems appropriate when situations occur. The ESTP is enthusiastic about both teaching their children and learning from them. They're likely to value their kids as individuals, and allow them to have their own voices in the family unit.

The ESTP doesn't believe that they have all the answers. They believe that many things in life have no obvious answer. They tend to be very down to earth individuals who do not believe that they're better than others, or that they have some great voice of authority within them. Therefore, they're likely to be their children's friend and companion more than a disciplinary guide. However, the ESTP will not have a problem with issuing punishment and discipline when necessary. But, the ESTP
has such easy-going ways that they're not likely to see the need for discipline as frequently as some other types do. This may be a point of contention between the ESTP and their mate.

Highly practical and quick-acting, the ESTP is excellent to have around in an emergency. They're tuned in to everyday needs, and are likely to be good providers of practical care. They will not be overly expressive of their feelings for their children, and may be gruff and unnatural when expressing love.

In general, ESTPs are enthusiastic parents who usually form strong bonds of friendship with their offspring.

ESTPs as Friends:
ESTPs are very good with people. They have excellent skills of
observation, and know how to act appropriately with all types of people. Consequently, the ESTP can get along with just about any personality type.

The ESTP is not likely to choose to be around all of the personality types. They have little patience for iNtuitive Thinking types, who seem very abstract and theoretical to the ESTP, who values action. The ESTP is likely to choose to be around people who have similar interests to their own - such as sports-oriented interests. They will probably spend time with their friends doing things, rather than just sitting around hanging out.

The ESTP is usually quite popular, because they're enthusiastic, fast-paced, friendly, talkative, and know how to have a good time. Some ESTPs tend to "move on" quickly in life, and don't form very long friendships. Many ESTPs have lifelong friends, because although they take life day by day, they feel tremendous loyal and "brotherhood" towards their peers. They're highly valued by their friends for their fun-loving natures and loyalty.

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Stop, I don't want to HEAR YOU!

Beauty is in the eye of the … beholder? No one has the right to label people as “beautiful” or “not beautiful.” Everyone’s definition of beauty is different and others should not judge. Society makes us believe that we have to look like the rest of the world. I would have to say, as long as you are healthy and happy what else matters? The only thing the media is doing is making us feel worse (decreasing our self-esteem) of how we appear. If everyone looked the same in this world there would be no room for uniqueness.

Many people are teased and made fun of, I am referring to those girls in high school who are bullied to the point where the only way to escape is, “suicide.” Words such as, “fat ass” and “pig” are horrible to hear. I think beauty also has to do with a person’s personality. Someone can be the most beautiful thing you have ever seen but their personality and character can be ugly! Beauty is a package, different to each individual.

If you are not happy with yourself, stop wishing and change it. If you are happy and hate the comments said by others, try to tune it out (easier said than done sometimes). Be yourself, be happy.

*My Words, My Canvas*

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You are the Donkey...

I find it funny when people assume something and then get mad when you say, “I find it offensive.” Then instead of that person asking, “Why are you offended?” They say, “well you should be offended only if: a, b, and c.”

Here is the example that stirred up this topic today:

You just met someone who first assumes you are Persian and then call’s all of them, “evil.” And the person wants to ask you if that is true? How closed minded are you?

I say: The Stanley Milgram studies proved that all people have the potential to be evil.

Secondly, this person then assumes you are full blood Indian because you wore a sari for once in your lifetime and starts speaking Hindi to you. Let me add that this person is Caucasian. This brings me back to my first point where you felt offended.

Do you see a pattern? Let me break it down for all of you:
1) Assumes you are Persian asks if you all are evil
2) Assumes you are Indian and speaks to you in Hindi
3) When you say, “I am offended” they say:
a. You should be offended if you are: ashamed of your culture
b. You should be offended if you are: having a bad day
c. You should be offended if you are: closed minded

Here is what I have to say: Go fuck yourself. Next time hear someone else out before you assume things. This is just vital information for your everyday lives.

*My Words, My Canvas*

True Colors

You really see a persons true colors after a "situation" occurs. Even if you get off on good terms people usually then show how immature they really are.

Let me give you an example. You have been with someone officially for a month in the end you realize you two are at totally different place at the moment and want to end on good terms as friends. Then you find out later that his friend on a social network site are saying: that person is fickle, good for you, now you can play. What does that say about the person who remains quiet and doesn't say: stop, its my personal matter and she is still a great person.

I'll have to say I am glad people can see true character after a break up. I can say that if someone let's others talk Shit about a person they should be careful. Hopefully that same thing does not happen to their daughter, sister..whatever it maybe.

People might be younger in age but older in maturity. If only people were nicer in this world, hurt would be non existent. Hurt seems to hurt more when the other person has not done anything to hurt the other person and has been nothing but respectful...and still gets talked about. It's ok least we found out right...

*My Words, My Canvas*

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Jazmine Sullivan - Fear

I'm scared to try cause I'm scared to fail
I'm scared to die cause I'm scared of shit
I'm scared to kiss scared to hug
I'm scared of sex cause I'm scared to touch

I'm scared to look cause I'm scared to see
I'm scared of you cause I'm scared of me
I'm scared to fly cause I'm scared to crash
I'm scared to move on so I live in the past

I'm scared to fight cause I'm scared to bleed
I'm scared of love cause I'm scared he'll leave
I'm scared of drugs I'm scared to drink
I'm scared to swim cause I'm scared to sink

I'm scared to learn cause I'm scared of truth
Don't wanna gain weight cause I'm scared of food
I'm scared to think that the label dropped me
I'm scared to think of my album floppin

This may sound silly but it's true
So don't pretend it ain't you too
We all afraid of something here
Cause you ain't human with out fear

I'm scared to start cause I'm scared I'll quit
I'm scared that people won't like my shit
I'm scared of fame and paparatzi
Rumors startin and people watching

Scared to grow up cause I'm scared to get old
Scared of the dark and beign alone
I'm scared of war I'm scared of jail
Scared to share a secret cause I'm scared you'll tell

This may sound silly but it's true
So don't pretend it ain't you too
We all afraid of something here
Cause you ain't human with out fear

The Safe Zone

I enjoy being in the corner because it’s safe. Sure I might come out from time to time to get a breath of new air, I call it. I never understood the term, “fresh air.” I find nothing fresh about air because of the pollution in the air. Unless you live in the damn forest surrounded by the wilderness that is the only time you can say, “Fresh air.” Now that we got that straight let’s go on and talk about the, “safe zone” I call it.

Recently my friend had a status up and it asked a question about why girls stay in relationships when they know it’s heading for failure. Sure a lot of things come into play when we analyze the situation. We can say: low confidence, low self-esteem, issues during childhood/parenting style, past relationship problems, subconscious. Now if we take a look at it from a different perspective we can see that the person who: Knows but won’t leave; is stuck in the “safe zone.”

The safe zone: It doesnt feel right, but hey it’s better than nothing. This person knows everything about me already and it will be too hard to start dating someone else. Who wants to say, “Here we go again.” Let me highlight a few words for you: HARD, BETTER THAN NOTHING, NOT AGAIN.

These all scream to me and give my brain that signal that says: Hey!!! Hey!!! THE UNKNOWN IS SCARY!!

How do we get past it? The hardest part about making a decision is living with it. I believe whatever happens in life (for good or bad) happens for a good reason. We do not realize it but we are living the UNKNOWN right now. Think about it, the next 5 minutes of your life is truly considered the UNKNOWN. We do not know what will happen in the next minute, hour, day, tomorrow. So why the fear?

The point of this post is to truly make those people aware. We can live in fear and never make decision, or we can take action and LIVE OUR LIVES.

How we spend our Days, is how we live our LIFE.

*My Words, My Canvas*

He was a Re-tard

I really do not have patience anymore for people who are highly educated and yet they ask stupid questions. Just in general I have come across many people who are seriously very educated and they ask questions an 8 year old would.

For example:
Person 1: “So you have your Masters in Psychology?”
Me: Yes
Person 2: “So you have your bachelors?”

Seriously? Are you retarded? The person claims to have a Ph.D and yet they don’t know the process of the educational system.

People out there pretending to be stupid to annoy people are just not cool. You all need to stop.
And if you really are indeed that dumb I suggest you do research before you talk to an individual who has a brain.
Another thing if you are lying about your educational level, you should stop. Because no amount of charm and looks will disprove the fact that you are indeed an idiot.
Finally, if you are smart and you really do have the education I suggest you do the following before speaking: LISTEN, STOP, THINK, and RESPOND.

It will save the other person a lot of frustration and stress, and there is something in it for you. YOU MIGHT GET LAID ….or you might get a second date.

*MY WORDS, MY CANVAS*

Smile it could be worse...

I'll keep this short and sweet ...I've been MIA for way to long. It's time I made a come back. I find that I have much to say, but little time. If I could give advice to children I'd say, enjoy nap time... you'll wish you had it when your my age. A lot is going on, a lot is changing. I can say I'm not the same person I use to be.

The clients I see make me realize and help be become aware of how lucky we really are in this world. We complain about the smallest things."Ouchy!!! I got a paper cut," " nothing ever goes right." But do you truly realize how lucky you are to have people who care for you, a bed to sleep in and food? I deal with clients who are suffering. They are mentally ill, homeless or live at bored and cares and they are happy. No, I mean genuinely happy. They are suffering, hallucinating, hearing voices, but still they smile. I have clients who were sexually abused since age 3...and yet they are living trying to be happy.

The point of this blog is to help people realize that it could be worse, so please cherish your moments.

*My Words, My Canvas*

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My Motto

Words to live by:
1. Never expect anything from anyone, even family.
2. People change, things change, welcome to reality its called life.
3. Things in life happen for a reason, usually its a good reason.
4. Never let someone to be your priority while you're just their option
5. Fair is a weather condition.
6. Life is precious, death is long.
7. I'm not a baseball game, with me you only get one shot.
8. They always come back...
9. Never settle for less then what you deserve.
10. Tough times don't last, tough people do.
*My Words, My Canvas*

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Interesting Link

Check this out: http://www.stevesototattoo.com/

East vs. West

East coast vs West coast. No this isn't about a music war neither is it about bashing one or the other. This is merely a comparison of how the individuals differ in mentality. This blog is suppose to make you think about the types of individuality that is in this world. Never the same. Yet we always find followers.

If something I say in this blog offends you, I honestly don't care. My moto in life has always been, "have an issue, grab a tissue." So with all that being said let's continue.

I have lived a fair amount of my life in the east and west coast. Things that I have noticed over time really make me wonder, why such a big difference?

In the east coast or where ever you reside, you believe that the people in the west coast have, "the good life." They get to surf everyday and live a chill and easy going lazy lifestyle. You don't realize the truth till you live here, it can't be felt by a visit.

I think I want to do this "list style," just to avoid the paragraphs. I'm going to keep this short and simple.

West Coast Mentality
Fake - they act one way to your face and one way when you have your face turned. Also too much plastic surgery going on. Where is the true beauty?
Flake - never stick to their word
Shallow - they will not befriend or talk to people who are not socially desirable.
Not straight up - people can't take 'real talk' they get all sensitive and butt hurt.

East Coast Mentality
Straight up - this could be good or bad. Telling it how it is can get you in trouble, but they don't care.
Shallow - they don't call it that, its called having standards. Plus anyone will befriend a grenade if their personality is kick ass.
Flake - we have these every where but when they say 'I'm down' they won't change their mind.
They think they are better than everyone else - seriously people no one is better or worse.
They are shady

That's the list. Remember this is a generalization, some people will always be different from the rest. We just have to find them.

*My Words, My Canvas*

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Fake or Real

How can you tell your real friends from your fake friends? Is there usually a consistent pattern going on with the fake ones? Or can a friend be in your life and is always there for you, but when big shit goes down they disappear. Do you overlook it and let it go? I mean, they were there for you when problem a, b, and c went down. But, when problems X, Y, and Z happened where was that friend? Is that person considered fake, close, or just a friend?

It's funny because sooner or later we start saying, "oh --- is so self fish, they only care about themselves." I ask, does being a real friend mean dropping everything and being by a persons side? Should their be boundaries?

I guess everyone's definition of friendship is very different. My definition is: friends are like family. There will always be up's and downs but in the end you all remain united.

We as friends forget that sometimes a simple phone call to check in goes a long way.

I guess it also depends on your personality and how dependent or needy a person is. Some people constantly need that friend in their lives. Once the friend doesnt jump when the other person tells them to, the person gets all butt hurt and classifies them as a fake friend.

In the end I have to conclude and say:
Re-evaluate your definition of friendship.
Understand that your friend may not be physically present all the time.
Little gestures do go a long way.
If your mind and heart are on the same page, the decision your making is the right decision.
Sometimes being self fish is okay.
You'll know who's real and who's fake. It's an instinct. Not a judgement nor a assumption.
It's better to have one great friend then several fake friends.
It's about quality, not quantity.

*My Words, My Canvas."

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If your Not REAL...Leave

Real people? Where are they? I actually have noticed a lot of people try and pretend they are someone else and later on you see their true colors. I’ve heard it all before, “I’m different,” “I’m real” and my favorite one, “I’m a straight up person.” However, all this is quite temporary. The true meaning of being different, real and straight up means one thing in this world: Speak up. Though a lot of people do not like this type of person, you would be surprised some do enjoy the bluntness. If only people where more real with each other and more truthful, I think there would be a lack of drama in this world.

I’ll give you a scenario:

Your talking to a person everything is going well and you’re hitting it off. You all meet up go out to dinner and then after dinner continue to text a few days after that. Eventually, the phone calls stop (one person decides) and the text messages become less.

Now the question is ….why doesn’t the person just say: Hey I’m not feeling it?

To be honest: that person was never “different,” “real,” and “straight up” as they had claimed to be. This
person was simply putting a front and pretending to be someone else. In other words that person was fake.
Some people would say the person was trying to not hurt the other person’s feelings. I’ll say stop making damn excuses. I would be more hurt if I found out I was lied to, then someone telling me the truth.

That brings up the question why pretend to be someone you are not? Does it make you feel better? Or do people just enjoy playing games? Well that’s another blog saved for another day.

The conclusion or the moral of this blog is simple:

If you can’t be straight up and real, do not pretend to be.

*My Words, My Canvas*

Break the Silence

Awkward silence is it a good thing or bad thing.? In my opinion I really can't stand it. I feel, if the silence does exist between two people in the "getting to know you stage" then there is your clue or red flag. If over time the silence develops, I believe that the connection or bond between the two is becoming unstable. Well a better word to use is growing apart.

On the other hand, silence can be a beautiful thing. Two people can sit in a room, not say a word but that silence can be the most powerful conversation those two could have ever had. It's in the eyes, its in the thought, its in the persons body language. I think for someone to get to this stage with a person really shows how strong their bond is emotionally, mentally, and physically.

Psychologist say the silence is ok. A type of free association where what ever comes to mind is spoken about.
Here are a few thoughts:
If you talk to the person you like all day, then switch to text then when you meet have nothing to talk about I suggest you talk a little less.
If you talk to the person you like all day (phone and text) and when you see each other and you still have things to say, great kudos to you.
If you are having problems and silence is there in the initial stages of getting to know someone then drop that person. Or bring the concern up.
Let conversation flow. Random is good. Don't turn your conversation into an interrogation process with back to back questions.
Conversation is fun! Don't think, just talk.
Being goofy is ok! If the person doesn't like it, you don't need them in your life.

That's all I have to say for now.

*my words, my canvas*

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Live for yourself...

It's been a while since my last post. It's not because I've lost motivation or inspiration. The reason is something else, something deeper. I guess for now I' ll stick with, " I haven't had time."
I have been getting a lot of feedback lately from readers, some comments, and mostly questions. One question that has stuck in my mind was, what makes you write? I didn't have to think twice about the answer. I write because this blank canvas won't say anything back. I can write on it, it will listen and in the end when I am done speaking my mind it won't gave me an opinion or suggestion.

I noticed lately people can't stop imposing their opinions on others. I don't really understand why. Do people think we are so dependent on their peoples point of view, that they keep forcing you to believe that there way is the correct way? I think about it and I realize a lot of people in this world put their happiness in the other persons happiness. You following me? For example, "if your happy I'm happy." What the heck does that mean? Aren't you your own person. Don't you have feeling, emotions, thought, opinions? Why are people so dependent on other for their happiness?

I believe that people will always have a different view then you. I also believe that we should listen and then decide, does that suggestion benefit me? I also believe that we want our loved ones to be happy, seeing them hits that warm spot in our hearts, however where do we draw the line. When do we say, I am glad your happy and I value your point of view but today I'm just gona do me....

Your happiness, your mood, your emotions should not revolve around people. They belong to you, you control them, people just try to have an effect on them. Stay strong, live for you. Sometimes being self fish (in limitation) isn't bad.

Think about it:
When your a child you want to please your parents. You listen to them, they guide you.
When your a teen you want your friends to like you. Some follow, some go into peer pressure, others lead.
When you a adult you get into relationships pleasing the other person.
You get older have kids, you want to please your significant other and kids.
Then you have grandkids ....
Where does your happiness fit in this?

What I'm tryin to say is: stop depending on others for your happiness, find your happiness in things you enjoy in life. Other people will always have their suggestions, listen and decide if its the right thing for you.

Good bye for now.

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Life Changes..Not always for the better

You walk into the doctor’s office and you receive bad news. Something will happen in the future but there is no guarantee the results will be positive, but mostly they look negative. What do you do? What exactly is going on in your mind, thoughts and emotions? I can tell you I have firsthand experience in this not once, but twice in the past two years. It takes a while to get over the shock, however in the end you can’t do anything but just move on with life.

The question is or I should say the thought: When do people grow up and realize life isn’t a joke? It isn’t a game?

Does something drastic have to go on for a person to realize that the path they are on right now needs to change? Or can there be a balance between the two (Life = Game Life = Inst Game)? I raise these questions because I myself don’t have the answer; no one says you need to have the answer now, this second. The answers come with time. Although some of you who read this might have the answer already. I’ll have to say congratulations to you on figuring it out.

Let me get back to the initial scenario. You find out your life will be changing what do you do? Do you make a list of things you haven’t done and try to accomplish them? Do you live life recklessly and not care what happens? There are so many things that you can do, but here is what I chose to do. Lay in bed for a few days, keep to myself and then find another opinion.

I choose to find a solution. For some, solutions might not be an option, but I plan to find one. Even if in the end I have no luck, I can still say I tried.

That’s all for now, my mind is somewhere else and I just hope that these words made sense.

Stop controlling it, and LIVE it.

Current task at hand: To write a paper on stimulant medication and its effects on children with ADHD.

My mind: In another world.

Things are rough. They never seem to ever go right. People who know me, and know me well always say, “God is testing you, he is making you stronger for something big coming your way.” I say, what else can you throw at me to make me stronger? I’m not weak mentally, physically nor emotionally. It would be nice to wake up in the morning and know that today will be great. It’s easy people say, just tell yourself and believe that you will have the best day and bam! It will be in the palm of your hands. But is that true? Is that optimism at its best?

Let’s say you do that. You take peoples advice, wake up and it’s gorgeous outside, you look in the mirror and say today is MY day. It is going to be great. Then back to back one bad thing after another just occurs. Then what? Do you say, today wasn’t my day but tomorrow will be? Ok lets, say the following day comes along and the same scenario occurs. You wake up and say; today is going to be great! Then the same thing. …a series of events occur to make your day a little less great, makes your mood a little less brighter. You see this turn into a habitual occurrence, than what do you do? What do you say? Do you lose hope? Do you give up? Or do you stay strong and believe that one day things will get better? The question is when?

You ever get that feeling that whenever you take two steps forward, you take ten backwards? Well, that’s exactly how I feel. It seems like my efforts are useless, whatever I do is never good enough, the more good I do the more bad comes into my life. Do you ever see the people who are genuinely bad, those who step on others to get places in life, those who have attitudes, those who do people wrong, are happier? Do they get further in life?

You know that saying, “Life is a bitch, now so am I,” All the signs are saying, become one! I think to myself, how can I? How can I live with myself knowing am doing wrong? How can I sleep at night knowing my conscious isn’t clean? It’s just not how I am.

Sure things are tough, but you choose to make them tough or simple.

Examples:

If you know a person is a certain way and it irritates you – change how you respond. Do not react.

If a person is driving slowly on the highway – don’t let the road rage get your mood down, simply over take them.

If a girl or guy it tripping for no reason – stop, think about it from their perspective then respond.

If day after day you wake up and aren’t happy – change it do something that makes you happy

Money issues? – sell some things on ebay! Get a job on the side if you got talent put it to work!

Your kids giving your problems? – let them go, learn the hard way, then they will come back and say, you were right.

The main point is, stop trying to control the situation. Don’t wake up and say, “Today will be a good day.” Let things just fall in place. I believe that everything is written, it will happen. However, you always have a choice on how to respond to things which can make what is written positive or negative.

Short Poem

These minutes turn to hours

These hours to days

And yet

I haven't seen a day

Where I was just ok...

For those of you who understood it, great. For those of you who didn't ...great.

NOT an Ad for Depression...

Do you ever feel like the “fun” in life has been sucked out of you? You don’t enjoy the things you use to, everything seems like a chore. Even the thought that you have to wake up the next morning just drains you. Well this is not an ad for depression, this is what you feel like when something, some indecent occurs in your life and unconsciously it changes you for the worse.

How long does this last? Well, that depends on you. You are in control of this feeling the mentality that causes you to behave this way. I cannot promise you an estimate on how long the phase will last but I do promise you this: “One day you will wake up and say, fuck it! Today I will live for me, for myself.” That is when things like driving won’t seem like a chore, well until a slow ass vehicle is in the left lane!

How do you get to that “fuck it” attitude? Well, when I find out I’ll let you know.

Personally, there was an incident that occurred at the beginning of the year, which just made me crash. Actually I’d say it felt like someone just took the best of me. Took the best and left this bitter girl (women). No my anger that I still possess isn’t geared towards that person, and yes I know I shouldn’t let this anger out on “life.” And yet even knowing all that, I still can’t shake this anger, this hostility, and this constant bitter and harsh mentality from my life.

Some people will say you need to forgive, once you do that than you can move on ...I say shut the fuck up. That’s the stupidest advice someone can give you. The next time someone tells you that, just take a baseball bat and walk up to their car and bust their windows in, and then when they say wtf? You say, “Forgive, once you forgive me than you can move on.” See how they feel.

I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad because usually, things that occur in my life don’t phase me like the way this has. This is something new for me. Earlier I mentioned I’m not angry at a person. You probably think to yourself, then why the anger? Simple, I should have known about what was going on, therefore protecting myself from what could have been prevented. Since I did not, could not protect myself, I blame myself. I am angry at myself.

So, what do I choose to do? I’ll wait …I’ll wait until one morning, that morning when I wake up and say: Let’s go to the shooting range!

Hate The Game and The Player...

I never understood the concept or the saying I should say, “Don’t hate the game, hate the player.” (What ever the quote my state)... The way I view that statement is why can’t I hate both? On a more serious note, (and yes that was my attempt at a joke) the player is the one who created this game in the first place right? It goes with any game whether a bored game and or strategy game, whatever it may be. Someone sits, thinks about a way to create a “fun game,” and then it spreads like quick sand.

My question is when does it stop? People usually say “it stops when I find that right person, the person who I can’t live without.” I say, there are plenty of people in this world who find that person and yet aren’t satisfied. They get sucked into their old ways and decide to play that game again. Than we have those people who actually leave or retire from the game. I’ll say congratulations.

For the guys reading this:
Please stop playing with girl’s emotions and hearts when they genuinely are invested.
Be up front and honest, tell the truth and be straight up if you’re seeing or talking to more than one person.
Stop leading girls on.
Before you treat another girl like shit, think to yourself “would I want my sister/daughter to be treated this way?”
Finally, if you’re bored or think the girl’s tripping tell her. Man up and say Buh-Bye.

For the girls reading this:
Stop throwing yourself at every guy and stop believing every word that comes out of their mouth. They hurt you because they know they can.
Stop being so needy and clingy all the time.
If he’s playing the game and you know it, play the game back. Obviously he doesn’t care why should you?
And finally, grow some balls.

Both genders remember: Karma is a Bitch!

Let Me Breath...

I’m tired ….I have no patients left. I am exhausted and can’t do it anymore. I’m the type of person, the type of friend who will put their life on hold to help someone else. One call or cry for help and I’m there in a heartbeat. A distress friend texting me or calling me in the middle of the night needing my support, I’m there. Now I just can’t do it anymore. I am annoyed. I am frustrated. I begin to see a pattern and I don’t like it. People have gotten accustomed to my always being there. The sense of knowing that they will always have me available to their disposal when ever, where ever. I don’t blame them I guess I’ve spoiled them by being the way I am. Now I’m at the point where I’m tired of jumping when they say jump. I am tired of putting my life on hold to make sure they are alright. I’m tired of waking up at night when my phones light is in my face with a frantic text message asking me for advice.

Should I change? Will I change?

Most likely no, but this brief phase in my life …everyone can go on and live their lives; I choose to be invisible at this point in time. I choose to disappear. I choose to be self-fish just for a little while, until I’m happy again.

This is temporary. People just need to stop depending on me for a lot of things. Please let me breath.

Things listed here will not be responded to or tolerated:
"call me I need your advise" ....(Ask me how I am first before you send me that)
"call me" - (Why? Why not just call me? Your the one who wants to talk)
"get online" - (If you can text me this issue why do I need to get online?)
"let hang out meet me here ..." - (Your an idiot...hanging out is something that needs to be planned)
"So this is the situation ...Blah...Blah...Blah" - (You send me 6 text msgs telling me your story and now need advice...don't you have a brain? Stop being dependent on others and live your LIFE!)

Lastly for the acquaintances in my life: If I haven't heard from your in a week, two weeks a month ...don't bother contacting me. Chances are I've already deleted your number.

And yes, if you ask me on Friday if I would like to hang out on Monday than keep in touch let me know if it's still going down. Don't track me down at 1am on Monday asking if I'm still down.

Get a brain people and let me breath. Let me be...

Sacrifice...

Father’s day is around the corner and some of us might be preparing for it. Maybe, getting reservations or stopping by at the mall to pick up something special. I think the best gift a person can give is something from your heart. I know this is a recession and some of us don’t have the funds for that extravagant lifestyle. Maybe some of us have been saving up for this, or maybe some of us don’t speak to our fathers anymore. One thing that you can do is think about all the sacrifices your father has done for you. If any.

Different types of father styles:

Type 1: There might be some of us out there who had a troubled childhood. Your father might have worked a lot and when he came home he would drink until intoxication took over.

Type 2: There might be some of us out there who never saw our dad’s because he was always working, but little did we know that every night when we were asleep he would come into our rooms and give us a kiss.

Type 3: There might be some of us out there who had that active father figure in our lives.

Type 4: There might be some of us out there who never knew our fathers.

Type 5: Finally there might be some of us out there who were abused.

Each of these categories has and does make an impact in your life. I understand that.

If you’re the type 1 that was described earlier in this post then, just realize that your father might have had a rough childhood himself. He probably had a father who did the same thing. He did not mean to avoid you; he wanted to provide your family with money. He worked hard so you can have the things you wanted (your wants, not your needs), he worked hard to send you to a good college one day, he worked to save money for your wedding as a contribution. You might have not seen this point of view when you were younger, but one thing you can do this year is realize he didn’t mean it. He was working for you.

If you are the type 2: Though your father was not around he always had and still has you in his thoughts. You might have not known this was occurring every night, but one thing you can do this year is appreciate that it did.

Type 3: Even though your father was not active in your life, just let it go. Learn from the past, and remember how you felt. I tell you to remember this, so when you have children you are there for them. So your child does not feel they way you felt. All you can do this father’s day, is forgive him.

Type 4: If you never knew your father, just thank god that you were brought into this world. He might not want anything to do with you, but this should make you a better father in the future. This father’s day what you can do is thank your father for brining you into this world. Without you, this world would not be the same. Everyone makes an impact believe it or not.

Type 5: For those of us who were abused or saw our fathers beat our mothers, what you should do is realize how women feel and how it affects them. Remember that you should never replicate this. Treat women how you would want your sister to be treated by her boyfriend/husband. This year for father’s day thank your father for teaching you a lesson that will impact your life in a better way when you have your family.

As for me, I didn’t know my parents till I was eight years old. Here are a few things I do know:

My father has been working since the age of 13.

My father has never had it easy.

My father has always been there for me.

My father has always provided for me, every need and want.

I know he would buy me those shoes that light up when you walk, when the fact was he needed new shoes for work.

The sacrifices he has made for me, I could never pay him back. No amount of money could ever pay my dad back. This father’s day let your father know what he means to you. Say, thank you. Say, I love you.

Remember, look at the good times, and stop remembering the bad times. The bad times will hurt, but we need to forgive in life to move on. I forgave my dad for leaving me before I was even born, and it made us closer.

Be Careful...

Be careful with your thoughts, for your thoughts become your words. Be careful of your words, for your words become your actions. Be careful of your actions, for your actions become your habits. Be careful of your habits, for your habits become your character. Be careful of your character, for your character becomes your destiny.

Unfortunate...

*Disclosure: Because of the confidentiality agreement, all information in this blog post about person(s) talked about will be kept confidential. No names will be disclosed.*

I’ve actually put a lot of thought into this blog post. I did not know if I should unleash it or not. Forgive me if my words are all over the place in this blog post, it’s just that I have a lot on my mind and am trying to throw it up on this Microsoft word document.

Actual conversation:
Me: It’s been two years and your stay with us is finally over on Friday. Are you excited about going home and seeing your family?
Client: What home? What family? They want nothing to do with me. They never really cared in the first place. If they did, instead of being absent from my life when I was younger they should have been there for me. It would have kept me off the streets.
Me: Well, before you depart we need to make sure that you have a stable home to go to, and also we require you to find a job. How is that progressing?
Client: I’ll stay with a hommie of mine, and I’m looking for a job.

Why do I mention this mini conversation? Why is it important? Why is it relevant? Well, let me tell you how I see it. I will keep in mind that everyone’s opinion is different and that you might not agree with me, which is okay.

We wake up every morning in our warm beds and the only worry some of us might have is the question "what do I wear?" Sometimes we get down about life, wonder why things are not going right. Do you ever realize that most likely occurs once in 3 or 4 months?

Some of the teens I deal with on a daily bases, never have had active parents in their lives. One of the teens I see on a daily bases, grew up with his father in and out of prison, now his father is still in prison for murder. His mother was never home when he was growing up. She worked two jobs just to make ends meet, and whenever possible would work over time. He was left in the hands of grandparents and aunts who never really cared for him. He started hanging out in the streets at a young age. Looking for that family he wished he had, looking for someone who will accept him and show him love. He got in a lot of trouble, started using drugs because it made him feel good for a little bit. Temporarily suppressed the hurt and pain he was feeling but could not express.

But that was the past. I really believe that the past is something that should not contradict who you are today. The way I see it, the minute that just past us by is also considered the past. It is about what you’re doing now, what you plan to do that makes your past disappear. I believe that you’re not a bad person, you just pick the wrong route in life. The wrong path. There is always a choice in life; it is your job to pick the best one for you at that point in time. Sometimes we have circumstances that cannot be avoided. Sometimes we are weak. There are always going to be reasons, however the mistakes you made in the past and the wrong path you took can always be fixed in the future.

I know you have read this and are asking yourself, ok what is the point of this post?
Simple:
1) Realize that there are people in this world who are less fortunate then you. When you are going through a rough phase in your life, remember things will get better. Not today, not tomorrow, not in the next hour …but one day they will.
2) Remember, instead of complaining about your life, the only way to fix it is by getting up and doing something about it. We don’t live in a Disney movie. This is not a fantasy world. Get up, and do something.
3) The past is the past, think about your next hour, your tomorrow, your future. “I always live my life an hour at a time, trying to make the next hour the best hour” –K
4) People are not bad; they just follow the wrong path. It takes longer for someone to correct that path. Everyone has their own pace.
5) You can use drugs and alcohol to feel better. I have nothing against it. Do I recommend it? No...But just remember, they aren’t good for you. They might make you feel good for a short period of time, but in the end when the effects have faded the feeling will come back again. The depression will set in again.

“What you do in life echoes in eternity.” - Unknown

“Don’t hate all the roses because you got scratched by one, do not give up all your dreams because one did not come true, do not lose faith in prayer because one was not answered, do not give up your efforts because you failed once, do not condemn all your friends because one of them betrayed you, do not stop believing in love because someone was unfaithful. Remember that another chance will come, a new friend, a new love, a new life. Never give up!” -K

They say life has its darkest moments, before we see the light..

There are no stars
There is no moon
There is just a noticeable darkness
I awake in the darkness
I sleep in the darkness


One day I will rise in the light
One day
My light will shine the brightest
Even in the Darkness

Fed Up?

Do you ever get to the point where you’re just fed up with the way things are headed in your life? At times it seems as if am stuck in some kind of horrific nightmare that I can’t wake up from. I’m at that point in life where I am so fed up that I wake up every morning increasingly frustrated. I’m not frustrated or fed up about the usual topics some people might feel down about. Yes, I’m single but I am genuinely happy. I am not the type of person who needs a guy constantly in her life to be happy. I am not fed up because I don’t look a certain way, or I “wish” I looked like someone else. Honestly speaking, I love the way I look and wouldn’t change a thing.

The reason why I am so fed up is because I have noticed a few things:
1. People who are evil hearted, and step on others to get to higher places in life always seem to succeed and are happier.
2. People who treat others like shit always expect others to treat them with respect. Last time I checked you need to give respect to get respect.

Some of you might read this and assume this is jealousy speaking. I’d say that this isn’t jealousy, or envy. Just curiosity. First, I am the type of person who puts in 110% effort into everything I do; I also have to work hard for everything I want. Some people get everything they want, I on the other hand have to work and work harder to get to that point. Others have it easier, and the one thing they all have in common is that they are the ones who backstab, hurt and manipulate to get to that point. Should I change how I am? I think about that question everyday …I come to the same conclusion. I could never live with myself if I become a “evil” person. I can’t hurt people, I can’t use people for my own benefit. I’d rather be true to myself and put an effort into what I do in order to achieve what I want. In the end my head is held up high.

Second, people will always have attitudes, personalities and different tones in their voice. We have to instead of getting offended, adapt and change the way we respond to those people. In the end we are the better person, instead of telling them off (because I know we can) we accept their rude behavior and let god take care of it. He is watching.

They say life has its darkest moments, before we see the light. They also say that we are put through these tests in life, because this is preparing us for something bigger in life. So should we get fed up, lose hope and quit? I don’t think so. We need to stay strong and not let the up’s and down’s in life effect us. I often feel that when I take two steps forward I tend to take ten steps back. Life is hard, if everything were so easy how it wouldn’t be fun, we wouldn’t learn, and we wouldn’t be the people we are today.

I have to say, be tough, be strong, “baby don’t cry keep your head up even when the road gets hard never give up” – 2Pac.

“Tough times don’t last, Tough people do” –K

Journey Through Life...

I look back at my life and I wonder why certain things have played themselves out like they have. I have always believed that whatever happens in life good or bad usually happens for a good reason. However, lately I have been questioning my own thoughts and wonder, was it really for the better?

My life growing was not what you would call a typical childhood. What can I say, not every family is a happy family right? I’ll leave out the details but let’s just say I wake up every morning trying to fake that smile of mine. I’ve gotten pretty good at it now. I guess, years of practice does pay off.

My journey through life has made me the person I am today. Whether I’m a good person or not, only God can judge me on that. I find it funny that a lot of people who know me, and I mean really know me compare me to the character Angela from “Tyler Perry’s Why did I get Married.” I don’t think it’s a bad thing. If I myself could compare myself to someone or something I’d say I am The Phoenix. The Phoenix is a mythological creature who bursts into flames and is reborn again. For me, after each chapter of my life, after each struggle, after each disappointment whatever it may be I just like the Phoenix die and am reborn again. That is the way I play out my life. Some people live their day’s as if it was their last. I live my life an hour at a time, making the last hour the best hour.

Usually, when the Phoenix in me takes over I do something radical to myself to start over. Start new. Start fresh. I dye my hair a lot. The way I look at it is, by changing something about me (such as my hair color) I become a new person; I can then start the New chapter of my life.

So, do I still think whatever happens in life occurs for a good reason? Absolutely! Without my past, without the experience (painful or not) shapes who you are today. If other people don’t like it, fuck it. As long as you are happy with who you are and who you have become that is the only thing that should matter. And if you don’t like who you have become change it! “If you can change your mind, you can change your life.” –K

Remember, you can’t and will not be liked by everyone in this world. As long as you got a few good people in your life, I think that’s all that matters.

I want to take this time out and thank my four favorite girls for always being there for me. I want to thank you all for being such great friends who I feel are my family. I want to thank you all for giving me so much and not asking for much in return. I want to also thank you for putting up with me when I am difficult. I know I can be. I love you all!

“How we spend our days, is how we live our lives...” –K.

To Lie or Not To?

The way I live my life (and I am not saying this is the only way) is by being an open book. I do not volunteer information out to you, however if you ask I’ll tell. The most irritating thing a person can do in life (besides the obvious) is lie. In my opinion, I even consider keeping a secret as being a lie. Growing up life taught me many things; one thing that hurt me the most was being lied to by my family. I understand that at times family members lie to you because they believe they are protecting you from getting hurt. My mentality thinks that everything should be out in the open.

I am at this point in my life where positive things are happening for me and I have no room for so called friends in my life who lie. I would rather get rid of them then to hold on to fake friendship. I believe in having a small group of close friends who are real then having many friends who often become acquaintances. I decided to recently take action. I noticed a pattern of lies friends would tell me, then one morning I’d wake up and just block and delete them from my life. I would get on my cell phone company website and block them. I’d erase their number from my phone. I would get on facebook/yahoo messenger and delete them from my friends list. Harsh? Well, I have low tolerance for liars.

I find it kind of funny; I find it kind of sad that those who are in relationships decide to lie to each other. People wonder why there is so much drama when they are in a relationship. I have noticed the reasons are: lie, no trust, insecurities, or you’re found an individual with a DSM disorder and you didn’t know it. Lying takes up a lot of energy. You have to make up a story and then in the future continue to make up more stories to cover up the last one you told. If you’re the type of person where your phone is “off limits” then you’re giving your significant other a reason to not trust you and become insecure. I have noticed that when your straight out say, “my phone is off limits” that is when your significant other becomes suspicious and wonders, “Why.” Alternative method would be to let your significant other to have access then they won’t even want to touch it. They won’t even be curious, because they have the security that you are not hiding anything from them nor holding back in the relationship.

What is the point of this post? Nothing good ever comes out of lying, tell the truth and save yourself and the people around you lots of unnecessary drama and stress.