Shut up and Listen!

Listening is a forgotten art. We are so busy making sure our own voice is heard that we forget to listen. Also when someone else is speaking, our mind begins to wonder. When our minds wonder what the person has said, was not herd. This can often be frustrating for the other person. Many times we jump in to say what is on our minds, before we have even acknowledged what the other person has said. Speaking without listening, hearing without understanding is like cutting an electrical cord in tow, and then plugging it in anyway, hoping somehow that something will light up.

When we listen to someone speak, we are asking our brain to slow down. This means that our brains have a lot of spare time for thinking. The brain misuses this spare time and when this occurs it shows how well a person can concentrate on the spoken words.

Nothing hurts more than the sense that the people we care about are not really listening. We never outgrow the need to have our feelings known. We live in a world where we are running to and from one obligation to the other. When we are in the car and the radio is on, sometimes we pay attention and sometimes we concentrate on the road and minutes go by without ever hearing a word of what was said. We also like to think we are good at multitasking. We check our email while talking on the phone. We look for things to buy online while watching TV. We make ourselves believe that we are doing more than one thing at a time; however, we just end up doing one thing after another poorly. We gain information to one thing and lost something very important in the other.

Often times the attention other people seek from us can become a burden. In order to listen we need to remain unselfish and submit to the others person’s need for attention. Some people may be easier to listen to than others. Unfortunately, when we fail to get through to each other, we have a tendency to fall back on blaming. “It’s his fault: he’s selfish and insensitive” Our failure to understand is due to our own need to say something. Rather than concentrating on what the other person is trying to express, we tend to react to what is said.

I am sure you know how painful misunderstandings can be. This occurs because the person takes the message the wrong way due to a not listening. Misunderstanding can break connections between two people. The best thing to do is ask about the other person’s feelings and point of view. Do not be too quick to tell your side of the story.

I think that people need to stop and just listen. While the other person is talking, really listen to what they are saying. While they are speaking, you should not be thinking about what your response will be. You can always pause when that person is done, think and then speak. I always say, don’t react just respond. I also believe that instead of trying to insist you view is the right way, take other peoples perspective into consideration. Look at things from their view point, there is always two ways of doing things. Even if you do not agree with them, you still can find out where they are coming from and what they are thinking.

There is a general rule when talking to someone who wants to pour their heart out to you, or even when you are having a normal conversation. Listen 70 percent of the time, and talk 30 percent of the time.