Do you ever feel like the “fun” in life has been sucked out of you? You don’t enjoy the things you use to, everything seems like a chore. Even the thought that you have to wake up the next morning just drains you. Well this is not an ad for depression, this is what you feel like when something, some indecent occurs in your life and unconsciously it changes you for the worse.
How long does this last? Well, that depends on you. You are in control of this feeling the mentality that causes you to behave this way. I cannot promise you an estimate on how long the phase will last but I do promise you this: “One day you will wake up and say, fuck it! Today I will live for me, for myself.” That is when things like driving won’t seem like a chore, well until a slow ass vehicle is in the left lane!
How do you get to that “fuck it” attitude? Well, when I find out I’ll let you know.
Personally, there was an incident that occurred at the beginning of the year, which just made me crash. Actually I’d say it felt like someone just took the best of me. Took the best and left this bitter girl (women). No my anger that I still possess isn’t geared towards that person, and yes I know I shouldn’t let this anger out on “life.” And yet even knowing all that, I still can’t shake this anger, this hostility, and this constant bitter and harsh mentality from my life.
Some people will say you need to forgive, once you do that than you can move on ...I say shut the fuck up. That’s the stupidest advice someone can give you. The next time someone tells you that, just take a baseball bat and walk up to their car and bust their windows in, and then when they say wtf? You say, “Forgive, once you forgive me than you can move on.” See how they feel.
I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad because usually, things that occur in my life don’t phase me like the way this has. This is something new for me. Earlier I mentioned I’m not angry at a person. You probably think to yourself, then why the anger? Simple, I should have known about what was going on, therefore protecting myself from what could have been prevented. Since I did not, could not protect myself, I blame myself. I am angry at myself.
So, what do I choose to do? I’ll wait …I’ll wait until one morning, that morning when I wake up and say: Let’s go to the shooting range!
I too await that day when things won't be a chore, when I won't fear the thought of getting out of bed and trying to go about my day knowing what I'm going through. Its painful, reading what you wrote I can relate, I'm going through the same shit; perhaps just different stories. I too await the day when I can get pass this, life for me and no longer feel like my world has been turned upside down... Take care of yourself
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